An unfinished symphony...

I'm moving!

2010-06-12T12:16:00.005-04:00

Blogger has been annoying inconsistent again! I am moving my blog to WordPress this weekend. Same title... new URL: unfinsymphony.wordpress.com

You will be able to find my updates there.

Please update your bookmarks!

Patience and persistence Friday Five

2010-06-05T00:19:00.001-04:00

I also most didn't do this week's Friday Five because I still have not finished a loooonnngg rambling post form about 3 weeks ago... but I decided this was a good one to jump back into the blogging fray...

Sally from RevGalBlogPals writes:

As I write this I can see out over our newly set up veggie plot from my study window. When Tim and I moved here in August last year he set to work clearing the ground, this spring I began planting seeds indoors and out, and now the beds are full of leaf and promise. We have harvested some spinach and lettuce, but still have to wait for the main crops....

Patience is something that sometimes comes easy and sometimes doesn't, in the case of the garden it is easy, I can see the growth and know that waiting will produce good results. With other things patience is more difficult....

Along with looking forward to eating our own veggies, we are also looking forward to seeing four of our children graduate with Bachelors degrees this year, they have worked hard over the three years and stuck at it through some difficult stuff. It would have been easy for them to give up, but they haven't...

Persistence often pays off, but we need to be aware that it sometimes turns into sheer pig headed-ness...

With all that in mind I offer you this Friday Five:

1. Is patience a virtue you possess? If it is then does it come naturally, if not how do you/ did you work at it?
Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha....!!!!!!!!!! Um. That would be no. I don't try to work on it, but as I go through life, I am challenged to live in a way that requires I develop more and more of it. What's that old saying? "Don't pray for patience, pray for grace."

2. Being patient with ourselves can be a huge challenge, we are often our own worst critics; is there anything you need to be patient with yourself with at the moment?
Re-learning how to be wife, mom, friend, etc since my studies are over and I "only" have real life to deal with on a daily basis. I'm in a time of transition and adjustment, and I need to extend grace to myself...

3. Are you the kind of person who can/ will persist with a difficult task? How much of this is personality related?
If my family were to read that over my shoulder, there would be loud guffaws. It IS the way I was wired to push through and get it done. When I procrastinate or let things slide, it causes me so much internal stress that I am motivated to release that stress!!!

Case in point... from the Zits web archive...

4. Can you spot when persistence turns into pig-headed-ness, or do you never get there?
No I get there plenty of times. Usually after the fact, I figure out when the optimal time to "let it go" would have been. I think I am getting better in this regard.

5. Post a song or a poem that chills you out and helps you to re-group, re-focus and carry on?
I believe the wise sage, Shel Silverstein has a great perspective:

Listen to the MUSTN'TS, child,

Listen to the DON'TS

Listen to the SHOULDN'TS

The IMPOSSIBLES, the WON'TS

Listen to the NEVER HAVES

Then listen close to me--

Anything can happen, child,

ANYTHING can be.

Bonus, a picture or a photo that speaks to you of patience or persistence....

This was taken on the South Fork of the Potomac River (near Dolly Sod, West Virginia)

Friday Five: Family Tree Edition

2010-05-14T09:25:00.002-04:00

Sophia writes:

I moved across country for a college teaching job last September, and my mother came to visit for the first time last week. We had a fantastic genealogical adventure tracing the family roots of her father's grandfather, who moved away from this state sometime between 1887 and 1891.

We drove a few hours to their county armed with some names and cemeteries, and wondered if we could locate anyone. It turned out there is an awesome local history room in the public library, with a very skilled librarian library, and with her map and a pile of copied records we struck gold! We found, cleared, deciphered and took pictures of old weathered stones marking members of several family branches in four tiny country cemeteries--the one above is my fourth great grandma. Of particular RevGal interest, we spoke with a friendly and helpful pastor at the United Methodist Church (window above) on the site of the Presybterian church my fifth great-grandpa helped found in 1814!

1. Do you have any interest in geneaology?
In a roundabout way. My parents and one of my older sisters have done the research and spadework to find the clues to our families of origin. They have spent years doing this labor of love! My parents have published several books based on their research. It's amazing what we have learned by their efforts!

2. Which countries did your ancestors come from?
Primarily the Palatinate (Germany and depending on the borders at the time, France/Belgium). Also a lot from Ireland and Great Britain.

3. Who is the farthest back ancestor whose name you know?
Thanks to the research of my family, I can name relations on both sides of my family!

My dad's side emigrated from the Palatinate in 1740. Simon Hirsch was 18 years old. The family legend is that they left their home at night and escaped down the Rhine River, went by ship to Rotterdam, and then on to America. There was intense persecution by the Catholics at the time, and the legend has it that they left a candle burning in the window and escaped death or coerced conversion from Lutheranism.

On my mom's side, we know that the immigrant couple, William and Hannah Morrow, came from Calarney in Donegal County in 1787. At that time they had only a 2 year old son. They were also Protestants, and it is likely they responded to the pressures of the time (Parliament refusing Ireland's bid for sovereignty, spats within the Anglican and Catholic churches, poor harvests) and moved to America.

4. Any favorite saints or sinners in the group?

I've written about her before, but my thrice-great grandmother, Ellen Brown Hickox Stewart, was an evangelist in the mid 19th century. It's still my dream to write a book about her extraordinary faith and ordinary life. Her book is part of my personal collection.
The Life of Mrs. Ellen Stewart: Together with biographical sketches of other individuals : also a discussion with two clergymen, and arguments in favor of ... together with letters on different subjects, (yes - that is the title!)
What was most amazing about her was her resilience and faith as an abolitionist and suffragette long before either cause was popular. Then add to that her calling as a preacher and evangelist... and wow. My own faith seems very small!

(This photo is one from my family's archives. It was taken in Shawnee, Kansas in the late 1800s. Notice her bright blue eyes, starched collar and the bonnet!)

I guess Ellen would fall into the "saint" category, though I am sure if you shake our family tree long enough, the nuts will fall down in greater numbers.

5. What would you want your descendants to remember about you?
Hmmmm.... My sense of humor and perseverance. That I loved my family and friends and that I LOVED life! And maybe, just maybe, I'll get that great American novel written about Ellen...

Bonus: a song, prayer, or poem that speaks of family--blood or chosen--to you.
A famous relative (distant) is Louisa May Alcott, author of Little Women and many other books. Attributed to her is this poem:

'He prayeth best who loveth best

All things, both great and small;

For the dear God who loveth us,

He made and loveth all'

Band GRRrrrls

2010-04-30T08:00:00.000-04:00

Last night was the end-of-the-year band concert for Reedy Girl. Though I know she dislikes the "Mamarazzi" I took my camera anyway. Thanks to my new zoom, I could sit in the back and get a couple good shots.

Entering stage right. Jazz band exiting.

Ninth grade band playing.

Reedy Girl is in the center of the picture.

Band Grrrls. This is their 6th year playing together!

(L to R: Reedy Girl, French Horn, Clarinet, Flute.)

There. semi-annual torture is over... (But I'm proud of our girl!)

Friday Five: Friendship Edition

2010-04-30T07:50:00.001-04:00

KathrynZJ of RevGals writes...

I spent the better part of last week on a continuing education cruise with a group of revgals. Both the class on hospitality and the connections made with friends (old and new) were phenomenal. I always have a difficult time with re-entry into reality from times away but this, aided by getting nailed with strep throat, has been more difficult than usual. Not only does it a take a few days (weeks? months?) for it to stop feeling like I am on a boat, but my heart misses my friends.

In parish life the boundaries are clear and they are there for a reason, but it can make the life of a minister a lonely one. It is such a tremendous gift to spend a few days with women who not only are wonderful and gifted, but who also get exactly what you do and why you do it. The hugs are genuine and free and the laughter is awesome.

Many of us have friendships - past and present - with these same qualities. And so today we will celebrate Friday with friendship:

1) Do you remember your first best friend? What did you do together? Are they still in your life?

Her name was Joann and she lived down the street. (At the time we lived on Rawlinson Road near Rock Hill, SC.) Her dad was (interestingly!) a Methodist pastor. She moved away after 3 years. I have not thought of her in years and have no idea where she is now.

2) Did you ever have to move away or have your best friend move away from you?

Both are the case.

We moved from Ohio to South Carolina when I was 8 and then back to Ohio when I was 15. The move back to Ohio was not fun. But, because of family needs, it was necessary.

In the recent past (around 2 years or so) a couple of good friends have moved (Sarah, Becky) and I miss them.

3) Are there people in your life now that you can call 'friend'?

Oh yes indeedy. They are amazing.

4) What are some of your favorite things to do with your friends?

Laugh. Listen. Love. Learn. Pray. Cry. Read. Talk. Serve. Worship. Walk. Eat. Find my center.

5) What is a gift friendship has given you?

The gift of encouragement. One of the greatest blessings in my life outside of my family are some "RevGals" IRL. There are five of us. We meet for a meal once a month and do as much of the things I listed in #4 as we can. We try to be the kind of friends who are there to cheer, cry and watch out for one another. Three of us are ordained and done with school... Two are well on their way (having their first district council meetings in May! We actually met through being involved in Walk to Emmaus weekends. They are just a gifrt from the Divine. (Here's a photo of 3 of us... one had to leave early, and I was taking the picture. We need a pic of all of us!)

I look forward to meeting MORE RevGals IRL some day!

Not sure why...

2010-04-29T09:25:00.004-04:00

NOTE: This "conversation" is a compilation of the things that have been said to me in the last month. The people in question didn't really want a response... they wanted to impress me (or get in a not-so-subtle dig...)

God, give me grace so that I do not develop a 'tude, nor be unable to stand for the high Calling you have placed on my life. And the rest... will get sorted out in heaven.

original post follows...

"Congrats on your graduation."
"Thanks!"

"Not that it matters. I mean, we all can study the Bible."
"You're right about that."

"I mean, you don't need a seminary degree to know what the Bible says. It's silly. All these people with degrees telling other people how to read a book!"
"...!"

"So when are you getting a real job? You know -- one that isn't just on Sundays?"
"Well, actually I..."

"You know, every minister I know just likes to use big words and impress me with the Greek. Or Hebrew. SHUH KYE NUH. There! I know Hebrew too."
"Good one."

"Yeah. See? It's just not useful information. How many times do you need THAT word when you're going to work? I mean, I'm happy for you and all, but I don't see the big deal. You know, people who graduate from seminary are so snobby. They think they know more about the Bible than the people in the church. They act so holier than thou!
"Really..."

"Yeah. I don't get why it's so important. Are any of those fancy classes worth anything? Hey, thanks for seeing my grandmother at the hospital. She's been having a hard time since my grandpa died. I think she's lonely."
"Sure. Glad to do it."

"OK. Gotta run. See ya!"

"...Sigh..."

Morning Worship

2010-04-25T08:31:00.000-04:00

I am so thankful for God's grace...

TOP TEN THINGS I am going to do...

2010-04-24T18:40:00.009-04:00

OK, so my last paper has been submitted. It's all over but the grades being posted... WOW!!! I am doing my HAPPY DANCE!!*

I can't remember what it's like to have less than a stuffed-full life. I'm kinda liking it, though.

CPE doesn't start until June. Before then, we have Commissioning and Graduation, and then moving The Johnnie home from college for the summer. But, yes, I do have a wee bit more free time.

Not so much free time that I'm inventing stoopid things like this "To-Do-Tattoo" thingy. But since I keep getting asked, "so, what will you do with all that free time?" I thought I'd make a list...

* NOTE: the letters A, B, C, D, E play different songs to play while you do your "Happy Dance." Make the little pipecleaner dude move by clicking on the keyboard as given or roll your mouse over them.

THE TOP TEN THINGS
I AM GOING TO DO

NOW THAT I HAVE FINISHED SEMINARY...

Here's what I've come up with so far...

1. Clean my study.
While I have cleared the largest piles off my desk, I need to go back and find the stashes of papers that either need to be filed, shredded or reorganized. Yes, you can SEE the top of my desk, but it's pretty messy. I finished the taxes and stashed everything related to them in a big box. Bills are getting paid and shoved in another box. Not good. It's easy for me to miss a few that way. (YIKES!)

2. Cull my books and re-organize them and start compiling my reading list for the rest of the year. Some of the books I know I will not want, so I have a massive sale list started on Half.Com (Pssst! Hey buddy. Wanna buy a book?) I do have some books I want to read for just FUN. (Wait. Is that allowed?) So if you have nominations, I'll take them. I will have to post what's in my "reading pile" later... it's in too many places in my study to be organized as of yet.

3. Go through my closet.
There's stuff I won't wear, stuff that I don't need, and stuff that doesn't fit or looks dated and worn out. BUH-BYE! I also need to think "professional work attire" which is different from "professional student attire" (rats!) and maybe do a little shopping to fill in the holes.

4. Enjoy my evenings with my family! Maybe see friends too...
Yes. Tonight, I have no paper to write, posts to put on Blackboard, or anything. I can get used to that.

5. Be a little better at planning and cooking nutritious meals.
My family has had four years of "desperation casseroles" or another nuked "Healthy Choice" meal. I'm not that great a cook (and I don't really enjoy it) but before I'm working full-time, I at least need to plan better. That, and be organized so that I can dole out the kitchen duties when I am doing my CPE.

6. Weed my garden.
If they gave out tickets for messy flower beds, I would be bankrupt paying the fines. Unless I can figure out a way to cultivate thistles and dandelions and say that they are ornamental... naw... I like to garden. I just haven't had the time to do it.

7. Play my piano.
Most specifically my Mendelssohn Songs Without Words and maybe a little Bach. Which means, sadly, scales and arpeggios as well. I have lost a lot of technique.

8. Keep up my exercising.
We go to Tai Chi twice a week. I need to get something else in there three more days a week... hmmm...

9. Serious hammock time.
Yeah. No explanation needed!!! Kinda goes with #2 anyway.

10. Tackle the overwhelming jobs in the house: the garage... the basement... the pantry... and try to bring a bit more organized chaos into our lives.
Four years of neglect and super-busy-ness show. We do have a 2 car garage... not that 2 fit in it. Time to have a yard sale or make a donation of "treasure" to someone! (And no, I won't take on your jobs when I'm done with ours.)

~-o-~

There. How's that for starters? I'll get around to leaping tall buildings at a single bound and solving the world's economic crisis once I have this other stuff done.

CAPTION THAT KITTY!

2010-04-23T16:37:00.001-04:00

Henry, our resident boss cat, loves to snoopervise, especially if you are busy and don't have a free hand to scritch him. He also is quite curious. He decorated himself with some used post-it flags after rolling around on my papers... RevDrKate thinks we need a caption contest -- so please feel free to come up with what you think he's saying -- asking for -- explaining -- or whatever you think is on his little mancat heart... just put your caption in the comments...

We await your wisdom. :)

Friday Five: what is there to smile about?

2010-04-23T07:36:00.002-04:00

Jan from RevGals writes:

With the end of RevGalBlogPals' third annual Big Event, I am wondering who went and what it was like. There must be a lot of smiling from the Big Event! Hopefully, the rest of us are not frowning either.

So let us know how your past week was for you. Write about five different aspects of the week OR answer the following questions:

1. When were you smiling lately?
When I finished a rough draft of my FINAL PAPER for my M.Div. about 1 a.m. this morning. WHOOOO hoooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. What happened unexpectedly to you this past week?
Reconnected with an old friend (from our "pre-kids" days!) and will see her next month at my Gradumacation wingding.

3. How was a catastrophe averted (or not)?
Well, the popcorn in the microwave didn't set off the smoke alarm. I got a retching cat off the bed and onto the floor before a hairball reaction. I remembered to make a back-up of my paper (no small thing at 1 a.m.!) And I put my travel mug INSIDE the car before driving away... Sometimes I think I need to buy back my brain from eBay (it didn't fetch that much, anyway!)

4. What was the most delicious thing you ate?
Ooooohhhhhhhhh... that's a close one! It's between the cheesecake we had on Sunday and the fresh strawberries on my cereal this week... but I'm gonna go with the strawberries! YUM!!! (I gobbled up the strawberries before I could take a picture... but you'll have to agree the cheesecakes looked grand.)

5. Did you see any good movies or read any books or articles?
No, I confess to being in an edumacation hole this week... but we are hoping to see "How to Train Your Dragon" this weekend. AND celebrate our anniversary. AND parTAY for the end of my M.Div. (not that I'm excited or anything...)

BONUS:
My friendly co-editor and study companion, Henry, makes me smile... after rolling around on top of my desk he sat up with used post-it flags on his head. I was amused. He was not...

Adding to the Conversation on the Emerging Church...

2010-04-22T11:15:00.002-04:00

Crossposted at Emerging Village: A Call for Voices

I am a child of privilege yet a woman of many struggles. It took many years of painful “not listening” to God to finally agree that I was called back into ministry. As I’m nearing the end of my seminary journey (hallelujah!) I find myself not being drawn back into serving in a church, but in the community. (Specifically, the chaplaincy.)

It partially my own fault (call it stubbornness, cluelessness or naivete), or the machinations of others (in the form of prejudice, “the stained glass ceiling” or doctrinal stalemates) that I have not moved into ministry until now. What is more important is that I see myself as a prayer, mentor, coach and encourager of those who listened to God at a younger age and are invested in what God wants to do next.

I’d love to see my daughters move into their giftedness without the roadblocks I faced, and in a church that celebrates their contributions.

I’d like to have my neighbors see Jesus in me.

And I hope that the days God helps me get it right outnumber the days I screw up…

And in the middle of all this will come another blog post…

Synchroblog: What is Emerging?

2010-04-21T18:57:00.003-04:00

Emerging Women and Emergent Village are having a synchroblog today...

A number of bloggers are participating today in a Synchroblog on “What is emerging?” While there is room (and need for) discussions regarding what needs to change and heal in the emerging conversation, it can also be helpful to here about where people see hope. This synchroblog was a way for a diversity of voices to tell of where they find hope in what is emerging in the church. From personal experiences to theological reflection, these posts (while not always in agreement) serve simply as witnesses to what is developing in the church today. I encourage you to read these posts, join in on the discussion, and acknowledge the differing voices that make up this conversation. If you want to contribute a post to the Synchroblog leave a link here to add yours to the list.

Where do I see hope? I am quite moved by the work of the Spirit in recent months and weeks...

- People can see that the job is not "done" and there are more conversations for the journey yet to come

Aside from those who have suggested the emergent movement is "dead," I hear in response the heart cries of many who remind us that it is not an "American" church we are a part of, but a global one. Maybe there are issues which have become moot in many people's estimations, but the overwhelming noise I hear is among those who are growing more frustrated with those who are insistent on complementarian roles for men and women, want strict adherence to hierarchical organization and a lack of conviction that all of Creation, people included need care and restoration. The job is not done.

- My daughters will be better equipped than I was to live as they believe, simply because they "get it" that relationships matter

They show me by their conversations and their friendships that it is not necessary to "go out and evangelize" but they are living the convictions of their hearts. If my teen-aged daughters can do it, so, by God's grace, may I. And I pray that I will remember I do not advance the Kingdom if it is by beating down all those who don't agree with my hermeneutic, or my agenda.

- I see ever-widening possibilities for women and minorities to "have a seat at the table" in these discussions

Yes, most of the seminaries, books, articles and blogs are written by white males. But there is an ever-increasing number of theologians, writers, bloggers and philosophers who respect the roots of Christendom, but are not bound by its anglo-centric views.

My thinking, writing and blogging continue to pull me into deeper questions and honest prayers to God -- because since I am in it "for life" I'd like to do a better job of it all.

Join the discussion at Emerging Women or Julie Clawson's blog...

Attempting to reframe the question...

2010-04-21T13:53:00.000-04:00

I spent the first couple years of seminary trying to get the answers to my questions... now as I am finishing, I think it is more appropriate to reframe the question...

However, I'm still cogitating on how to explain that! More later...

Counter-protest

2010-04-20T20:30:00.000-04:00

The Westboro Baptist "Church" annoys me beyond words. I simply have to love the people who came up with this:

Read all about it HERE!

Heart song...

2010-04-18T21:41:00.000-04:00

Worship song on my heart tonight...

Blessed to be loved...

FRIDAY FIVE: Pack Your Bags Edition

2010-04-16T08:35:00.000-04:00

Songbird from RevGals writes:

I'm preparing to pack my bags for the Big Event Three, and as I gather what I need I'm thinking about just that: what do I *need* to take with me? As a person who likes to pack light, I worry that in the end I may underpack and wish I had other things with me. I own the gigantor version of the bag to the right, but my morbid fear of having it go astray and not get to the ship means I'm more likely to try to pack it all in a carry-on bag instead, especially since I have a very tight connection on the way to the cruise. But won't I be sorry if I don't bring _______________?

With that in mind, here are five questions about packing to go on a trip.

1) Some fold, some roll and some simply fling into the bag. What's your technique for packing clothes?
A combination of rolling and folding clothes works the best. Things that are forgiving (like jeans and tshirts) get rolled. Socks and underthings are carefully stuffed in empty spots. Usually I have to re-pack my bag because I forget something that should go at the bottom (shoes, for instance). Actually the best packer in my family is Bearded Brewer, with Reedy Girl a close second. The Johnnie and I are not so good, but we are learning. (I think there is a "packing gene" -- don't you?)

2) The tight regulations about carrying liquids on planes makes packing complicated. What might we find in your quart-size bag? Ever lose a liquid that was too big?
I have a medications bag and a toiletries bag. I don't try to fit my medications into that precious quart bag any more. Once I found out that medication were exempt, I didn't stress so much. My airplane bag has: shampoo, lotion, liquid soap, deodorant and toothpaste.

PET PEEVE: I want my toiletries in my usual unscented (or not perfume added) choices. Unfortunately, there are NO unscented deodorant travel sizes out there. :(

I had to argue one time to take my medications with me. Since they were all with prescription labels on them, I was fine. (Note: Even over-the-counter meds should have a pharmacy sticker on them to avoid the quart bag limit. My pharmacist printed out a bunch of "use as directed" labels for me with my name on them.)

3) What's something you can't imagine leaving at home?
Asthma medications. Depending on the season, my nebulizer goes with me, too.

4) Do you have a bag with wheels?
OH yes. And I loves it, I does. And my luggage set is slightly smaller than the one in my photo...

5) What's your favorite reading material for a non-driving trip (plane, train, bus, ship)?
I'm trying to remember what I read when I wasn't hauling theology books! I'm guessing some kind of novel where I can "fall in" to the story and let it help pass the time.

The irony of this does not escape me...

2010-04-15T09:21:00.002-04:00

see more Friends of Irony

The Model Seminarian (Reprise!)

2010-04-14T17:00:00.017-04:00

It seems ONLY fitting! I am reposting this ditty from my first semester at Regent.
23 days until graduation!

The
Model
Seminarian

With apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan
and "The Pirates of Penzance"
(but please feel free to sing along!)

I............
am the very model of a modern seminarian
I've information critical of languages grammarian
I know the verb and tenses of languages antiquarian
And quote from Aramaic and now even some Sumarian..

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters analytical
I parse and line my Greek, both the simple and emphatical
I read my ancient Hebrew text with understanding little
Though profs tell me I must attend to every jot and tittle!

Though profs tell her she must attend to every jot and tittle!
Though profs tell her she must attend to every jot and little tittle!

I know biblical history, from Aristotle to McLaren
I've know all methods, points and sermons capable of reaching 'em
I hobnob with all leaders in the field of missiology
And hold my own regardless of one's view on eschatology

I'm very good at ancient earth and natural theology
I am the one who can defend most facts of anthropology
In short, in matters dogmatic or egalitarian
I am the very model of a modern seminarian!

In short, in matters dogmatic, or egalitarian
She is the very model of a modern seminarian!

With all my holy knowledge I'm quite plucky and adventure-y
My Call has not been questioned since the starting of the century
But still, in matters dogmatic, or egalitarian
I am the very model of a modern seminarian!

But still, in matters dogmatic, or egalitarian
She is the very model of a modern seminarian!

YES! I am the very model of a modern seminarian!

I've been humming it all day...
Deb

It's the little things...

2010-04-12T08:37:00.002-04:00

This weekend a little neighbor left this bouquet on our front doorstep. I found it as we were doing some afternoon chores. We don't know which child left it for us to find, but it touched my heart. The detail, the variety, the care taken to tie it carefully with a small piece of twine. It was a sweet reminder of the beauty seen in another's eyes.

It truly is the "little things" that remind me of God's work in my life.

...a reminder that though our girls are past the dandelion-gathering stage, that we can still have an impact on the kids on our street.

...a reminder of the fragile beauty of life.

...a reminder of the variety and intricate detail that God paints into every leaf, tree and flower of Creation.

...a reminder that every day, every moment, God calls me to remember the care and love that is showered my way.

Ginny Owens wrote a simple prayer of dedication and remembrance... it's how I'm starting my day today.

How does doubt slip in, so silently?
And why does condemnation come so naturally?
Why do I still get the best of me?
Loving so little and living so selfishly?

When all I want to do, is give this life to You.
All I want to do is give this life to You.
All I want to do is give this life to You,
and let Your will be done 'til it's all I want to do.

And what have I been given by Your grace?
Will I come to understand this mystery I embrace?
Make of me a new creation now,
Fill me with all you are and be all I am some how.

'Cuz all I want to do is give this life to You.
All I want to do is give this life to You.
All I want to do is give this life to You
And let Your will be done, 'til it's all I want to do.

Faith so fragile
Reaching for Your hand

All I want to do, is give this life to You

And let Your will be done, until it's all I want to do.

ALL THAT'S LEFT...

2010-04-11T20:58:00.003-04:00

The final uphill climb begins... This is ALL that is left to be DONE!!!!!

Revelation Song

2010-04-11T15:08:00.001-04:00

Worship today...

Friday Five: On the Road Again Edition

2010-04-09T09:39:00.007-04:00

Sophia from RevGals writes:

My family is heading out to my husband's parents for the weekend later today. They would have preferred that we come at Easter, but I preferred that my choir director not bring my life to an early end! (Five liturgies to sing between Thursday and Sunday, two with major solos). So Low Sunday it is.

Some Gals and Pals may have been able to travel to join family or visit a vacation spot last week; some who had to stay put then may be traveling this weekend; and, if I recall correctly, some lucky ones are heading out to the Big Event next weekend. Hence: a road trip Friday Five.

1. When was your last, or will be your next, out of town travel?
OUR LAST TRIP: We just got back from a short trip to western Pennsylvania to see the Frank Lloyd Wright houses, Fallingwater and Kentuck Knob. Here's pictures from both...

(Fallingwater: photos of house not allowed... God's architecture, however, is OK.)

(back terrace of Kentuck Knob)

(Youghiogheny River - Falls in Ohiopyle State Park)

(Flowering trees... heralding spring.)

(Breakfast area at the B&B where we stayed -- Hartzell House)

OUR NEXT TRIP: When I graduate!!!!!! WHOOP WHOOP!!!

2. Long car trips: love or loathe?
While there are good things that can come from them (a captive audience for a good conversation, for instance), I am not a fan. They are a necessity when airfare prices are so extravagant!

3. Do you prefer to be driver or passenger?
Driver.

4. If passenger, would you rather pass the time with handwork, conversing, reading, listening to music, or ???
Usually conversation and music... I get carsick too easily!

5. Are you going, or have you ever gone, on a RevGals BE? Happiest memories of the former, and/or most anticipated pleasures of the latter?
Haven't made B.E. yet... but hope to some day.

6. Bonus: a favorite piece of road trip music.
I confess to loving classical music. Especially Vivaldi!

A good day for reflections...

2010-04-09T07:57:00.000-04:00

Just thought I'd share this Sara Groves song... perhaps other people need God to "speak up" a little...

Hello Lord, it's me your child
I have a few things on my mind
Right now I'm faced with big decisions
And I'm wondering if you have a minute, cuz
Right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I just can't hear you.

I don't doubt your sovereignty
I doubt my own ability to
Hear what you're saying
And to do the right thing
And I desperately want to do the right thing
But right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I just can't hear you.

And somewhere in the back of my mind
I think you are telling me to wait
And though patience has never been mine
Lord, I will wait to hear from you
Oh Lord, I'm waiting on you

Right now I don't hear so well
And I was wondering if you could speak up

I know that you tore the veil
So I could sit with you in person
And hear what you're saying but
Right now, I think you're whispering

Friday Five: Good Friday

2010-04-02T09:50:00.007-04:00

Sally from RevGals hosts this week's Friday Five:

It seems almost irreverent to post a Friday Five on Good Friday, so I will try to treat it with some respect. I am still mulling over the darkness of last nights Tenebrae Service, the silence as we left was profound, and although I travelled home with others we did not speak, there was a holiness about it.....and yet we know that holiness was born of horror!

So as we enter into this darkest of days I offer you this Friday Five:

1. Of all the gospel accounts of the crucifixion, which one stands out for you, and why?
John speaks to me because the writer includes the very human frailties of the disciples and even his mother. He shows how they do not understand what Jesus is doing, or why God seems to have suddenly "changed" directions. Their doubts, questions and confusion ring tanglibly in my own.

2.Do you identify with any people in this account, how does that challenge you?
Like Peter - I let my doubts run away from me, and pull me from God.
Like Mary - I want more than what God has planned
Like Pilate and the Pharisees - I don't want my privately ordered world to be re-arranged or shaken up.
Like the soldiers - I am callous and indifferent to the suffering around me -- until God gets my attention with a thunderclap
Like the disciples - I struggle with my fears and unbelief in the face of that much love and sacrifice.

3. Hymns or silence?
I usually use a combination. Music to get me focused. Silence to be quiet in the Presence. Today on pray-as-you-go I was drawn into prayer by the music of Antonio Lotti -- the piece Crucifixus from Exultate Deo is lovely, haunting and a soft reminder of the suffering Christ went through for my sin.

4. Post a poem or a quote that sums up Good Friday for you?
The words to Orlando Gibbon's Drop, drop slow tears speak to me. I posted a music video of them here...

Drop, drop, slow tears, and bathe those beauteous feet,

which brought from heaven the news and Prince of Peace.

Cease not, wet eyes, His mercies to entreat;

to cry for vengeance sin doth never cease.

In your deep floods drown all my faults and fears;

nor let His eye see sin, but through my tears.

5. Is there a tradition you could not be without, a tradition that makes Good Friday, Good Friday?

Not being on church staff this year, I find it a bit difficult. Also being from a non-liturgical church, there seems to be little to make this day any different from the rest of the calendar. We will be gathering with friends for dinner tonight, which seems altogether appropriate. I have spent more time in reflection and writing this morning... the promise of Spring, of Easter morning, is shining outside my window this morning.

Glory be to God for the marvelous work of the cross!
I am blessed and encouraged.

We adore you Oh Christ

and we praise You

because by Your holy cross

You have redeemed the world.

Amen.

Good Friday

2010-04-02T09:31:00.000-04:00

This is my Good Friday homily - I don't have a pulpit to preach it in, but it's what is on my heart today...

"Do you now believe?" Jesus replied. "A time is coming and in fact has come when you will be scattered, each to your own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me. I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

After Jesus said this, he looked toward heaven and prayed:

"Father, the hour has come. Glorify your Son, that your Son may glorify you. For you granted him authority over all people that he might give eternal life to all those you have given him. Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. I have brought you glory on earth by finishing the work you gave me to do. And now, Father, glorify me in your presence with the glory I had with you before the world began."

John 16:31-17:5

There are times I am very grateful I do not know everything that is going to happen in my life. And then there are times when I desperately want a peek into the future. I guess that I am in good company, as the men and women who were with Jesus as he walked and taught in Galilee. They faced the same issues. They wanted to be given privileged positions and confirmed answers to their questions.

This passage always chills me a little, as Christ was given a spiritual insight into the hearts and lives of the disciples and the tests ahead of them. Yet Jesus' prayer was focused on the work he was about to do on the cross, and moved by the Spirit to ask for the strength to be obedient until his death.

It's one thing to pray for answers to the questions you have for the future. It's quite another to pray, knowing what you must give up in order for God's will to be done. The wrenching that must have been in Jesus' heart as he prayed must have been exquisite.He believed in the ultimate best for them all - and desired above all else to bring glory to God.

This particular prayer of Jesus came at the end of a week that started with joy and triumph and proclamations of the Kingdom of God. And it came on the precipice of a painful weekend, when the hard truth of death and the pain of loss would be keenly felt. Those who ran away from the cross and the persecution of the Christ had no clue that God had already made a way. That is the message of the Cross - that God has made a way.

We may be in a rocky Good Friday in our lives, when everything we've hoped and believed is crashing down around our heads...

It might be a financial disaster.
It might be a relationship that seems broken beyond repair.
It might be emotional pain that exceeds anything you have ever faced.
It might be a diagnosis that sends you into a panic.
It might be the realization that you have made a huge error, and have to 'fess up to it, facing the consequences.

I have been in those moments. It is beyond scary. It seems impossible.

Jesus quoted the words of David in Psalm 22 as he hung on the cross:

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning?

Words of pure pain. Raw emotion. Doubt. Maybe even anger. Jesus knew these feelings intimately.

That same Psalm bursts into words of faith and promise a few verses later:

All the ends of the earth shall remember and turn to the Lord, and all the families of the nations shall worship before you. For kingship belongs to the Lord, and he rules over the nations.

Words of faith. Hope. Trust. They are true for us today.

There is nothing that is beyond the reach of Grace. Nothing that can't be lived out with God's love motivating you. Good Friday and Silent Saturday are hard stretches, believe me, I know. The pain is real -- and if you are living there, I do not want to minimize it. God seems far away. The answers are not easy, when you do finally hear them. And no amount of positive thinking will take away the pain of sin in the human race. Only Grace does that.

But Easter has come. Hope is there.

I have walked in some pretty rough spots, seeing the empty cross and tomb in front of me. But I have also seen God's faithfulness.

Perhaps you are in that place of worry or fear or just exhaustion. The love of God is real and tangible. It was given center stage almost 2000 years ago in the birth and death of Jesus, the Christ. It comes to us, new, fresh and real every morning. After long, dark nights of waiting.

I will watch and pray with you - and believe for you if you are in a space that makes belief difficult. If you look around you and ask for confirmation of God's love and care for you, the evidence will come pouring into your life. In fact, here's my challenge to you --

Take a moment - grab a piece of paper - and write down all the good things in your life. If you need help, try the alphabet. A is for apples and Aunt ___ -- B is for buds on the trees... keep going. (Good luck with Q and X!)

It sounds simple, but when we are in these moments of worry or fear or living with what seems to be insurmountable odds, reminding ourselves of God's faithfulness can build a swell of hope in our hearts. Hope builds our faith. And faith helps us keep walking - towards the sunrise of Easter morning.

Let us pray:

God,
We who often beg for answers are scared when we finally receive them.
Walk with us in the dark stretches of Good Fridays and Silent Saturdays.
Show us the pinprick of light that is the reality of Easter Sunday.
We believe in your love.
We thank you for your Son, Jesus, the Christ,
Who died, and rose again and lives again with you - One God, Father, Christ, Holy Spirit...
Amen.

Music for Maundy Thursday

2010-04-01T15:38:00.000-04:00

Drop, Drop Slow Tears

Orlando Gibbons

Remembrance

by Matt Redman

Palm Sunday

2010-03-28T23:53:00.001-04:00

Today was the start of Holy Week. Had I not been attuned to it, and had been pondering it all week, it could have slid by unnoticed. The problem of missing a holy day isn't in where one worships and how "liturgical" the design of the worship is... the problem is that in our self-absorbed lives we can go happily along and just... forget.

As I think on this, I think it's a lack of understanding. What seems to "matter" is based on the perspective at the moment. What's urgent? What's most pressing? Rarely is the crisis at work really that urgent... unless you work in an E.R.! We lack understanding because we lack perspective. It's like viewing life in 2-D instead of 3-D.

In the time of Christ, this was part of the issue as well. They could not understand a rabbi who trashes all of their greatly loved traditions (not the Scriptures -- the traditions! there's a difference!) They puzzled over his condemnation of their attempts to be holy and to enforce holiness. They grumbled when he did not "respect" them and their learned teachings.

Yet... as I ponder it and I read the story of Christ's entry into Jerusalem, it hits me... The same crowds that yell "Hosanna! Here is the King!" will yell "Crucify him!" later in the story. They follow the loudest voices, the most urgent and strident ones. From the perspective "on the ground" this makes no sense. From the perspective of heaven, it works. There is a far bigger plan than we realize.

So much of life is like that.

We yammer. God works. We whine. God works. We browbeat. God works.

Many times in ways we don't expect. And many times, in spite of what we ask for and pray for.

My Hosannas today were offered as I saw the faces of transformed people. When I hugged a friend. When I put a flower in someone's hand. When I sat with my family and enjoyed a day off from my studies. When I listened to the St. Matthew Passion and heard words of hope. And promise.

Christ IS our salvation. Christ IS our Lord. Despite my forgetting or ignoring this truth.. those facts don't change.

Tonight in my evening reading, I found these words...

Return to your stronghold, O prisoners of hope;
today I declare that I will restore to you double.

[Zephaniah 9:12]

I could give you a big exegetical or historical explanation for those words... and that would be very scholarly of me. .But I think that would miss the real point. It's simply this -- I am a prisoner of HOPE. And that is where I want to live out my life.

It's messy. And frequently, I do it wrong. But God is indeed in it.

HOSANNA...

Friday Five: Redo, Refresh, Restore

2010-03-26T12:36:00.001-04:00

Songbird from RevGalBlogPals writes:

We're in the thick of it in church life as we approach the end of Lent. Palm Sunday and Holy Week await. In the midst of this busy-ness, I undertook a little redecorating here at RevGalBlogPals and found a new template for us. [note from Deb - it looks great, Songbird!]

It's the sort of task I like in the middle of chaos, a chance to redo something, to refresh the way I feel, to restore some sense of order.

Please share with us five ways you redo or refresh or restore your body, your space, your blog, anything in your life that needs perking up this week.

=========

I'm in dire need of some rest and remodeling, so this is a good way to think about what it is I need to do to refresh myself a little...

1. My Body: I did go get a pedicure this week. It was my first one in a LONG time. Now I understand why so many RevGals insist it is a necessary part of self-care! While it did tickle, it was also a nice way to be tended to instead of being the superintendent for so many things in my life. Reedy Girl and I decided that we will both go for a pedicure when it's closer to my graduation. The ultimate graduation gift: pretty feet!

2. My Home: Bearded Brewer and I have had several prints and paintings waiting for framing. This winter we finally got them framed and put up. I am enjoying the new vistas on my walls.

3. My Hobbies: I have been making time for things that feed my heart. Music. Photography. Family. And if it ever stops being "mud season" -- my garden! I can drive myself to exhaustion. I'm learning that I need this Re-creational Space in my life.

4. My Study: When we did some remodeling and refinished our basement, there was a debate about where I should put my study. I need natural light to feel alive, so I really didn't want to be a cellar drudge! I ended up taking over the fourth bedroom/former playroom. It receives the afternoon sun, and I have a great view of part of the garden. One of the other aspects I love about it is that I have version of the Last Supper by Piasecki on one wall. (You can learn more about it here.) My study also has a window that looks out on the back garden. And it has LOTS of books. Here's a few photos... please pardon the piles on my desk!!

The view inward...

The view outside...

5. My Heart: I have discovered that I need a balance of activity and quiet. Yes, I definitely an extrovert, but the moments I can have with no demands on my time or attention are very precious. I'll be going to the next day silent retreat on Wednesday April 21st here. Care to join me?

Just have to share this...

2010-03-25T09:42:00.002-04:00

Evelyn posted this video. I felt like it was a hug of encouragement and peace around my shoulders... so I'm reposting it...

Is it REALLY that simple?

2010-03-24T17:54:00.002-04:00

I had an excellent conversation with a woman today. ("Excellent" because it made me think. And because she has her finger on the pulse of what has bothered me, from time to time, with some contemporary teachings of Scripture.)

She was upset that someone suggested that the Bible could "easily" solve all of her problems.

"It is NOT that simple," she said. "Why would anyone think that?"

I suggested that she consider the source. How much had the person studied the Bible themselves. Were they just mouthing off some platitude? Had they sat down and struggled through Job? Did they even know the word "theodicy"?

"I don't think that they've really had to deal with pain," she said. "But then -- I don't know that for certain. And I don't want to wag a judgmental finger in his face when his judgmentalism bugs ME so much!"

We are going to hang out, have coffee and talk some more... I suggested reading and talking through C.S. Lewis' book The Problem of Pain. One of his quotes is on my desk blotter, because it helps me keep perspective:

"Everyone feels benevolent if nothing
happens to be annoying them at the moment."

I promised her I had no pat answers. God's not a "button pusher" and just reading the Bible doesn't make it simpler. BUT - - knowing I have the Creator of the Universe beside me and with me in any difficulty I face means that I face my struggles with a little more confidence. No immediate answers, perhaps. But confidence.

It's officially spring...

2010-03-23T15:14:00.000-04:00

Time for the first colors of spring... and my first pedicure in a long, LONG time. (I know that thrills you.) However, I decided that when we can afford it, I am going to exercise what we RevGals call a little "self care" and get the toesies done.

The color is Midnight Plum. That's in case you cared.

Slogging on...

2010-03-22T10:45:00.002-04:00

It's a dark, rainy Monday morning after a bright and beautiful weekend. I'm finding it hard to get motivated on school stuff this morning...

The Johnnie is back on campus after a two week spring break. I drove her back yesterday. She's acclimated well, studying hard, and facing her own coursework with determination and focus. I'm so proud of her! But when she leaves after being around for a while, I miss her.

Reedy Girl is back after a great band tour to Nashville. She survived the 14 hour, overnight bus ride (UGH!) and managed to get a major project finished before she fell into bed last night. She works really hard and keeps herself organized and focused. There's a bright future for her as well.

Bearded Brewer enjoyed the time with the kids around (and their friends), and has kept pace with the full calendar. It's not his favorite thing to have so many events cranking at once, yet he helped keep the flow of errands and chores from backing up.

I still have several major projects to finish before I can have a short breather before graduation. Everything is due in the next four weeks...
6 papers... 4 major, 2 minor
various posts, essays and projects

I should be excited... but I'm just so tired. And the sudden change from fun, noise, activity and people to quiet and just the cats and my studies is a bit of a shock.

I have so many things to be thankful for, and I'm trying to focus on those...

- great, flexible, caring husband
- healthy, bright, loving daughters
- good friends
- and a faithful God

Slogging on - the next assignment - the next textbook...

sigh

Silence...

2010-03-19T01:38:00.002-04:00

It's so quiet on these late night writing sessions. The house is silent. Even the cats are sleeping! Tonight I cracked my window on one of the warmest spring nights yet, just to hear the sound of life outside. After 1 a.m. even this busy metro area is pretty quiet.

And then, the more I listen I hear how it is far from "silent"!!

My family and friends know I am not a "silent" type. Some are amused at my jaunts to a silent retreat. But even those four hours of not talking are a place for God to speak -- loudly. In fact, it is in the absence of the usual sights and sounds that God speaks the loudest.

When I was on a short-term trip to Nigeria (a lifetime ago!) we had frequent power interruptions. One of my favorite things to do when that happened was to sit out on the steps of our apartment, slap mosquitos and enjoy the dark night sky. The air was humid and still. But looking up, there were layers upon layers of stars. The heavens were never so "deep" to my naked eye then they were after an hour or so of gazing upwards.

An astronomer friend told me later that it takes several minutes for the human eye to adjust to darkness. Eventually we can see, even in starlight. It just takes patience and time.

Seems to me that hearing God in the silence is pretty much the same thing...

In the starlight I see
worlds and supernovas
created by your hand
as a sparkling touch of joy

In the silence I hear
words and simple questions
reminded by your voice
that I am yours and yours alone

In the silence
and in the starlight
you are there

This reminded me of a song that is among my favorite worship songs... as I crawl into bed, it's on my heart... thought I'd share it...

Beware the Ide(a)s of March

2010-03-16T23:34:00.001-04:00

I admit it. It was my fault. I was in a hurry. I brought it on myself.

Last week, I was trying to make a deadline for submitting an assignment, get a daughter to a job interview, be home for an appliance delivery, and meet a friend at the hospital whose family member was gravely ill. Oh, and I was also responding to an email from a friend that I had spent time with during my modular (intensive class) at seminary. There was also the usual - meals, laundry, enjoying time with family... That all happened in a 24 hour period.

So I mindlessly responded to a request to install a plug-in by clicking "yes" when I visited a website suggested by my friend's email to me... My distracted brain thought that because I had just updated my web browser, that I was missing this plug-in. My common sense brain which usually screams "CHECK THE URL!!!" was too far in the distance to get through... until it was too late.

RATS!

Window after window launched. I started to try and close them, and then reached for my wireless antenna switch and moved it to OFF. Error message after error message loaded. My computer crashed.

I got that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I knew that I had just introduced some kind of malware to my laptop. The laptop that has ALL of my coursework, files, projects and a flippin 20 page paper well along in the development process. (Yes I had an incremental back up. Please.)

Of course I ran my brand-name virus protection scan. It found nothing. It didn't flag the worm or virus when I clicked on it. (WHY? We don't know.) And it didn't stop it from inserting itself into my computer's registry. But the results were unmistakeable. Despite my virus scanner giving the laptop a clean bill of health, I couldn't connect to any websites which were malware-removal related. I couldn't update my own virus protection (fat lotta good it did, but...) and I found out that friends were getting messages from "me" inviting them to check out this website.

Like Paul Revere I posted a warning... hoped that I didn't catch anyone in my net of stupidity... and started reading.

Malware is meant to catch busy, distracted people. It mimics real, normal computer downloads. It looks close enough to the real thing that unless you are being attentive, you miss the subtle differences. And it works FAST! Its influence is felt almost immediately.

Where am I going with this?

So much of life we are busy. Doing. Listening. Helping. Playing. Reading. Writing papers (that's if you're in graduate school...) Exercising. Cooking. Cleaning. Driving. Parking. Shopping. (Fill in the blank.) We are distracted. We drive with the radio on, the wireless headset in our ear. We are miraculously skilled at gauging which grocery store line will be the fastest. (You know you do. I do too!) We are distracted.

This Lent I've been trying to slow down. To listen more, ponder more, be more available. To be fully present when I am with family or friends. I don't want to add any "relational malware" to anyone's life.

When I do -- I am so thankful that God has made a way. That forgiveness is real, and that I am blessed to have some pretty amazing friends and family. Thanks. Love you guys a lot. A LOT!!!!

Really. Thanks.

Friday Five: Spiritual vs Religious

2010-03-12T11:28:00.000-05:00

Mompriest from RevGals writes:

Yesterday I attended a conference led by Diana Butler Bass. She is presenting new ideas on the state of the church and why there is hope for Christianity. One of her premises is a Newsweek/Washington Post poll from 2005 that states that 55% of the people in this country describe themselves as religious AND spiritual.

Without going into detail about her understandings of religious and spiritual (you may want to attend one of her conferences, if you can) share with us five thoughts ideas or practices that you consider to be "religious." Then share with us five thoughts, ideas, or practices that you consider to be "spiritual."

For example one thought about religion might be that it is "salvation" Or an idea about religion might be that it it is an "institution" and a religious practice might be "going to church." An example of spiritual thought might be a phrase from a poem, a spiritual idea might be the inspiration for a piece of art and a spiritual practice might be meditation.

So, five thoughts, ideas, or practices that are religious....and then five thoughts, ideas or practices that are spiritual. OR are they the same thing to you?

-o-

This is a great question!

This week I am studying the John 4 passage which covers the Woman of Sychar and her encounter with Jesus. There's several themes in the text which remind me that she had lots of "religious" practices but was not very "spiritual." Jesus was very gentle, yet very direct with her. (...and me...) And considering the fact that this encounter is recorded right after a brouhaha with the Pharisees, it was all the more thought-provoking.

As I ponder this, I have come to the conclusion that I don't necessarily think that "religious" = "spiritual" thoughts, ideas, or practices.

Sometimes a "religious" habit can be "spiritual," and many times it can be devoid of any spiritual meaning at all. Likewise, some of the most "spiritual" moments in my life have had nothing to do with "religious" activities and had EVERYTHING to do with a mighty God at work. I just happened to be there to participate and be a part of it; (one such example, for instance, would be childbirth...)

Here's my attempt at articulating the difference...

1.Prayer
RELIGIOUS: Praying because it's "that time of day" or "that place in the liturgy where we always pray."

SPIRITUAL: Praying because it is part of my ongoing conversation with God throughout the day.

2. Worship
RELIGIOUS: Going to a service at church with others, and oh yeah, it's about God.

SPIRITUAL: Going to encounter the Presence of Christ -- not necessarily a service, in a building, or with other people.

3. Giving
RELIGIOUS: Because it's a cause, person, political party or habit.

SPIRITUAL: Because God keeps 10% of what I earn, and I want it spent for heavenly purposes. And there's no litmus test on what that means.

4. Journaling
RELIGIOUS: Because all the cool leaders talk about the importance of doing it -- and because it's great fodder for my next book!

SPIRITUAL: Because without stopping to pray, reflect and articulate the swirl of activity that is "life," I miss the meta-messages from the Holy Spirit

5. Fasting

RELIGIOUS: I need to deprive myself of habitual eating in order to "deny my flesh" and prepare for Holy Week.

SPIRITUAL: I need to remember that all of my compulsions are under God's supernatural control; fasting is a way to reflect and return even the simple practice of consuming food to God.

-o-

In some respects, I found today's topic hard... I don't want to fall in a Pharasaical habit of thinking I'm doing better than some other "spiritual" leader I know. I'm surely not. I want to be clear that I wobble all the time between "religious" and "spiritual" -- and it is my prayer that I not be included in the heavenly list of Pharisees - by God's grace... The Lord knows there are enough "religious" people in the news and on the internet these days!

"Everything they do is done for people to see..."

- Jesus, about the Pharisees, Matthew 23:5a

Like it or not, the "Church Lady" from Saturday Night Live epitomizes a face of Christianity that is too common and too engrained in our culture. And, quite honestly, in me.

Restless Irritation...

2010-03-09T13:55:00.002-05:00

I have a restless irritation with the Church (capital "C" - not any one "c"hurch in particular!) As I read the front page of my newspaper and then my Bible, it doesn't seem to me that those of us in the "C"hurch are doing a stellar job at relating the two. Oh, there's the front page loonies (pick your own) to be sure, protesting this or that, or sending mass emails predicting the end of the world as we know it.

But that is exactly the point. The end of the world as WE know it.

Perhaps my restlessness is due to an impending change of seasons in my life -- from full-time student to student chaplain. Perhaps it is because I want ALL of the snow in my yard to be gone (and it isn't!) Perhaps it is because I am tired of having to explain my faith when it is depicted so poorly in the popular press. ("No... that's not what I believe about God either.") And perhaps it is because I think we are SUPPOSED to be restless.

I'm reading Leonard Sweet's So Beautiful: Divine Design for Life AND the Church and the quotes are just spilling onto my notebook pages...

Your thoughts, your intentions can change the world. But your connections can change the world even more (p. 95)

"CAWKI" - "The Church As We Know It" - has too often been selling a philosophy called Christianity or marketing a product called Church rather than lifting up Christ. (p. 106)

The two highest compliments you can pay Christians: 1) they are one of a king human beings 2) when you read their lives, you can hear and see and smell and taste and touch Jesus (p 107)

God does not offer "final answers, the manacles of modernity, but binding relationships" (p. 116)

Relationships come more to us like an abused package from the post office: ripped, torn, its guts spilling out, the contents often broken" (p. 138)

...and the concept that Christians must have "...an atonal identity that disturbs the world at the same time it exposes the world for what it is: shattered and in need of salvation" (p. 176)

But wait, there's more! (cheesy grin)

I have never been at ease with anything that is sold to me as the "latest best thing ever" -- as I tell my friends, "my hinky meter goes off!"

Life is too complicated, and yet simple. God is not boxed, yet at the root, is very clear. As Sweet says,the Gospel is not a franchise to be syndicated, or a pot to be replanted, but a seed to be scattered on human hearts.

Missional, Relational, Incarnational.

And I'm good with that.

Reflecting on the last weeks

2010-03-07T11:43:00.002-05:00

These last two weeks have been a whirlwind...

I had back-to-back modulars, one on worship leading and one on spiritual formation. The time away from home was hard because I missed my family. BUT... the time spent with God was encouraging and rejuvenating. I'm still a bit scattered on exactly what I am learning and processing. A few things are clearer...

I am uniquely gifted in leadership and that means I must not compromise in terms of a ministry assignment. As I talked and prayed with others, it became clear that I have come to a watershed moment. I have faced some prejudice. I have made mistakes. But I have also learned that some of the problems I have had were because I "settled" for something that was not a good ministry "fit" for my gift set.

I am reminding myself, again and again, that I am beloved and cared for by my Savior God. It is nothing I do -- it is everything God is and the relationship I have. For someone who gets a wee bit driven, this takes off the perfectionist lens and puts things in perspective. I do nothing to earn God's love. It is everything God IS that forms the love relationship between us.

Time is fleeting. The seasons are changing. Our girls are growing. Life based on circumstances is futile. Life based on God is eternal.

Transitions suck. There's no predictability. There's no clear path. All I know is that God is in the mix. And I truly can rest in that.

Here's a few photos from the last few days... I think they shout of God's Presence and love...

Let the field exult, and everything in it!
Then shall all the trees of the forest sing for joy
before the Lord, for he comes,
for he comes to judge the earth.
He will judge the world in righteousness,
and the peoples in his faithfulness.

Psalm 96:12-13

Looking out towards the lake at the 4-H Wakefield center.

A little surprise snow shower frosted the ground.

The slow melt of snow with water droplets on the berries... so pretty!

The water in the swamp freezes in fern-like patterns. I have never seen that before!

I heard God say, "Come sit with Me awhile!"

So I did...

Spiritual Spring Cleaning Friday Five

2010-03-05T09:21:00.003-05:00

Sally from RevGalBlogPals writes:

I have been thinking about spring, although it is still very cold here the snow has almost gone and the sun is shining. Here and there spring bulbs are bravely pushing their way through the earth and Tim and I are thinking about planting the first of the years veggies in the garden!

Then I read:

The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other. God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins. God has given us the task of telling everyone what he is doing. We're Christ's representatives. God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God's work of making things right between them. We're speaking for Christ himself now: Become friends with God; he's already a friend with you. (2 Corninthians 5: 17-20 The Message)

All this got me thinking that if we traditionally think of spring as a time for new life, then maybe a spiritual spring clean might not be a bad thing to clear the way for the new thing that God wants to do in us!

So with all of that in mind I offer you this Friday Five:

1. Is there a part of your spiritual life that is dry and dusty at the moment, something that could do with a good spring clean?
Funny you should ask... I am taking my final Spiritual Formation class for seminary and it has a 7-fold approach to a holistic Spiritual Formation (Personal Faith, Emotional, Relational, Vocational, Theological, Health and Wellness and Financial). The photographs don't lie. I need to be more serious about my Health and Wellness.

2. Spiritual disciplines- life-giving/ terrifying: discuss
If you use them as a sledge-hammering, guilt-inducing self-abuse, they will be terrifying. If you recognize you need them to work on your own personal growth, then they are life-giving. Actually, I think the most important concept to remember is that "one size doesn't fit all"!!!

3. Share a practice that keeps you spiritually alive that you think others might benefit from...
Silent retreats - even a 4 hour day one does wonderful things! I get away at least once a quarter. I'm trying for monthly.

4.Alone or together, how do you pray best?
Alone. BUT... (having said that) there are many burdens that are best lifted to God together.

5.If your spiritual life were to burgeon and bloom into a spring flower what would it be and why?
I'm guessing a forsythia - I am fairly hardly, somewhat invasive (I am not a "shrinking violet!"), and I want to grow beyond last year's growth. In fact - the way that forsythias bloom is by setting buds on last year's growth. The overall effect of a forsythia is quite compelling, but even the individual flowers have a strong yellow color and a very gentle fragrance.

Bonus, a piece of music a picture or a prayer that speaks to you of new life....

This is one of my favorite pieces of "happy music" -- I love the percussion in it. I love the simply joyful lyrics. It's just FUN!

The tent is flapping...

2010-02-27T23:58:00.004-05:00

I've started so many posts in the last two weeks, most of which are now obsolete. There's lots to write about, but somehow the time crunch in getting ready to leave for modular week, and then being consumed by my class, meant that I didn't get anything written. At least, not on this blog.

There has been one image in my mind and it was confirmed during a prayer time in class this afternoon. I'm getting ready to move. Not in the physical sense, but in the ministry sense.

For the last several months I have been in a state of "ministry limbo" and was unsure of where I would "land" once seminary ended. What I had thought would be my place for serving in the Church was being changed. It was as though God has been telling me to start packing up my tent and to be prepared to move at the right time.

I confess that I have been resisting. I kinda liked the view. The folks at the neighboring campsites are pretty wonderful! There were things going on around me that were fun and exciting. Yet circumstance after circumstance, God was slowly and completely moving me from a place of being "settled' and comfortable into a place of impending change.

The mental image I have is that I am a tent, and God is systematically removing tent stakes, one after the other. Right now all that's left are the tent poles as one last stake came out of the earth. Soon the camp site where I have been comfortable, and where some wonderful things have happened, will be struck. And then I will be blown where the fresh wind of the Spirit sends me. I just don't know where that is.

So now I'm being transformed into a kite, I guess, held up by winds of God's choosing. There's other people joining me wheeling around in the Spirit. We look at one another and are amazed. What God can do with a freed-up life is pretty electrifying!

It is a wee bit terrifying and exciting, all at the same time. And I wouldn't have it any other way...

The prof for our modular class, David M. Edwards, shared a song with us that has helped me to rest in this waiting time... Here's a few lines from Make Your Home in Me...

I am poor and needy there’s no breath left in me.
Oh, I ask You, Holy Spirit, come fill my emptiness.
Blow away anything that stands in Your way...
...Make Your home in me...

Friday Five: Happy Lent!

2010-02-19T08:51:00.002-05:00

Sophia at RevGals writes:

Each year you give us this joyful season when we prepare to celebrate the Paschal Mystery with mind and heart renewed. You give us a spirit of loving reverence for you, our [Mother]/Father, and of willing service to our neighbor. As we recall the great events that gave us new life in Christ, you bring the image of your Son to perfection within us.... (First Preface for Lent, Roman Missal)

1. Did you celebrate Mardi Gras/Shrove Tuesday this year? Any memories of memorable celebrations past?
Does watching the Olympics count? Then, YES!

2. How about Ash Wednesday, past and/or present?
This year I was not at a formal service. In the past I have helped officiate. It is probably the most humbling task a pastor can do, next to leading the Communion service.

3. Does your denomination or congregation celebrate "this joyful season"? Any special emphases or practices to share?
Our congregation? NO. Individuals within it? YES but it is not something that is cultivated. This year someone is teaching a class that is timed to culminate at Easter, but it's not titled as a Lenten class.

This year I am reading the Daily Office through the ESV website. There is something very heart-focusing about praying through the Psalms and prayers of the Book of Common Prayer for Lent.

4. Do you have a personal plan of give-ups, take-ons, special ministries, and/or a special focus for your own spiritual growth between now and Easter?
I blogged about this briefly a few days ago. Basically I am working on being more intentional and thoughtful in my daily actions. I got the idea as I was thinking about all of the diets that I have tried and failed on because they were too far from the mainstream of the way I live. So while abstaining from something or adding a new routine is great, for me it doesn't have any lasting "sticking" power. I am working on intentionality and being fully present. I believe it is a place where God wants to rub off my roughest edges. (BTW - in case you wondered - 2 days in, it hurts. But it's good.)

5. What is your dream for the image of Christ coming to perfection in you, the church, the world? How can we support you in prayer?
I'm in "launch mode" right now. I'm finishing my last semester of regular classes for my M.Div. (HALLELUJAH!!!!!!) I'm also applying for a summer CPE unit, and looking to do a second one and become a Board-Certified Chaplain in the next year. In spending time with my mentor and spiritual director, it seems that this is where God is bringing me in my career plans. My prayer has always been "use me, spend me -- but only where you want me!" I would appreciate prayers for clarity and discernment.

Bonus: Song, prayer, picture, etc. that sums up your feelings about this liturgical springtime.

First a Picture Bonus! I went and cut some forsythia just before our back-to-back big snows that started on February 5th. The buds have just started opening. It reminds me of the hymn Now the Green Blade Riseth...

Now the green blade riseth from the buried grain,
Wheat that in the dark earth many days has lain;
Love lives again, that with the dead has been:
Love is come again, like wheat that springeth green.

In the grave they laid him, love whom men had slain,
Thinking that never he would wake again.
Laid in the earth like grain that sleeps unseen:
Love is come again, like wheat that springeth green,

Forth he came at Easter, like the risen grain,
He that for three days in the grave had lain.
Quick from the dead my risen Lord is seen:
Love is come again, like wheat that springeth green.

When our hearts are wintry, grieving, or in pain,
Thy touch can call us back to life again;
Fields of our hearts that dead and bare have been:
Love is come again, like wheat that springeth green.
John MacLeod Campbell Crum (1872-1958)

And here's a Poetry Bonus! This arrived in my email this morning... I found it to be EXACTLY what I needed to read and pray through.

Dear God,

Speak gently in my silence.

When the loud outer noises of my surroundings

and the loud inner noises of my fears

keep pulling me away from you,

help me to trust that you are still there

even when I am unable to hear you.

Give me ears to listen to your small, soft voice saying:

"Come to me, you who are overburdened,

and I will give you rest...

for I am gentle and humble of heart."

Let that loving voice be my guide.

Amen.

~Henri Nouwen, With Open Hands

Ashes to ashes...

2010-02-17T10:09:00.001-05:00

Ash Wednesday, today, marks the start of Lent. It is the season of reflection and remembrance on the liturgical calendar of the Passion of the Christ, culminating on Easter Sunday. It's not a regular practice (at least by that name) in my present church. However, it is something that I try to at least work into my spiritual consciousness every year.

I debated what I should "give up" or "start doing" (common ways of bringing an external meaning to a humanly constructed religious practice.) In the past, I've given up everything from chocolate to coffee to going to movies. Usually the "deprivation" isn't really that difficult, and I am remarkably good at finding another substitute as my "work-around"... It's far too easy for me to go off coffee and start drinking tea, for instance. My problem on a day-to-day basis is not as much denial as it is of balance and self discipline. It is overcompensating instead of remaining a true reflection of God and Christ, of living in the Spirit not within my own wishes and preferences.

So for this Lenten season, I am going to work at exercising a thoughtful, measured, and careful use of my time, talent and treasures. It might mean spending a day with a friend, just sharing the journey. It might mean less time of Facebook and more time face-to-face. It might mean a more consistent (weekly?) fasting regimen. It could come in the form of enjoying the pretzels I munch on as I study instead of mindlessly shoveling them in my mouth. It will mean that I don't shop unless I "need" to. It gets things off my "procrastination list." (You may call it a "DO LIST" but I have one which still has 'send out Christmas letters' on the top of it...)

So I'm attempting to be more aware, more intentional, more yielded... and less driven, less demanding, less distracted.

I'll let you know how it goes...

Taxes

2010-02-15T18:27:00.000-05:00

May I just say it...

I HATE DOING TAXES!

However they must be done. This week. Because of a Financial Aid deadline for The Harpist, and my going out-of-town for two intensives... and of course, before that I have 3 papers due (1 Friday, 2 Saturday).

As you were.

Lenten plans

2010-02-14T19:12:00.001-05:00

I have been considering what I want to do to bring the season of Lent closer to my mind and heart this year. It is far too easy in a nondenominational setting to just let the liturgical seasons fly by unnoticed.

From my public school days, I remember classmates who were 'giving up chocolate' or 'giving up the radio' and I never could figure out why. Our mainline denomination basically had more music rehearsals for Palm Sunday Easter music. And that was all I really remember, liturgically speaking.

This year I have the happy task of taking my last classes for my M.Div. and (hallelujah) only have a few thousand pages of intensive reading left. So I knew anything I did would not be along the lines of reading a book. My spiritual formation partner and I are going to read the daily offices for Lent. (They are online here should you like to read along.) I'm looking forward to that.

But the dilemma remains... what should I do or not do as part of the next forty days of Lent? That's what I'm pondering.

Weather permitting, I hope to get in a Silent Retreat on Ash Wednesday at Dayspring Retreat Center near me. Perhaps God will crystallize for me what it is that I can do to bring home the Passion and the Cross.

Still pondering this one...

Friday Five: FAB FEB(ruary)

2010-02-12T09:39:00.000-05:00

Jan from RevGalBlogPals writes:

With Valentine's Day around the corner, it seems appropriate to write about February holidays. However, I'd never heard of "Waitangi Day" before: Feb. 6 is a holiday in New Zealand to commemorate the signing of the Treaty of Waitangi, the founding of New Zealand, in 1840. I'll avoid Fur Rondy, as it is connected with Sarah Palin's home state.

1. When February comes along, how do you feel about the coming month?
My mom rightly notes that February seems like the longest month of the year. The weather is usually awful and winter seems like it will always be. I'm just happy we're almost halfway through. On the other hand, I have a dim realization that I MUST get out taxes done because Financial Aid for The Johnnie is due March 1st, and I will be in class that week. YIKES!

2. What memories do you have about Valentine's Day? Are you doing anything to observe it this year?
It involved (in elementary school) cupcakes with frosting, warm red koolaid (with the required Kool-Aid mustaches afterwards) and little valentines in those flimsy envelopes that were held shut with stickers. Also red construction paper and doilies for craft projects... I beat the rush and sent ValenGroundHogTines Day packages out early for my college girl. The rest I actually remembered to buy a card before we got "a bit" of weather.

3. It is interesting that Monday's "Presidents Day" is not officially called that in every state. It is a U.S. federal holiday entitled "Washington's Birthday." Which is your favorite president and why?
Oh dear. Not to pull a Palin on you, but I don't know as I have one. I am sure I have a "LEAST favorite" one. Without getting too specific, let's just say he was a frat boy who couldn't read a teleprompter.

4. Will you be celebrating Shrove Tuesday or Mardi Gras? How?
Not usually. We had pancakes this week as "blizzard food" for supper. Does that count?

5. Any other ways to celebrate in February?
This year I think I will celebrate by getting our Christmas (2009) letter out before month's end. That's huge. The last couple of years I haven't written one at ALL!

Bonus: A Lenten book or website you recommend.
My study partner for spiritual formation suggested that we read The Daily Offices as part of our "reading the Bible through in a year."

And I just realized that I have written Holy Week and Lenten devotionals in years past, but I don't have Lenten ones up anywhere. Hmnmmmm....

sigh

2010-02-08T14:17:00.000-05:00

So... this the "progress" our county has made in snow removal after the big snowstorm ended two days ago... We have not yet seen a plow though the county website says that they are in our neighborhood.

More snow is forecast for tomorrow and Wednesday. Doesn't look so good, does it??

sigh...

Friday Five: Staving off the Gloom

2010-02-05T13:34:00.002-05:00

Revgal Sally from the UK writes this week's Friday Five:

Candlemass is past, and Christmas is well and truly over, here in the UK February looks set to be its usual grey and cold self. Signs of spring are yet to emerge; if like me you long for them perhaps you need ways to get through these long dark days. So lets share a few tips for a cold and rainy/ snowy day....

1. Exercise: what do you do if you can't face getting out into the cold and damp?
We have started taking Tai Chi classes (which are indoors thankyouverymuch) and most of the beginning exercises I can do at home. Tai Chi is actually helping my knees and my back be more flexible and I can see some strengthening of the large muscles which help my joints.

2. Food: time to comfort eat, or time to prepare your body for the coming spring/summer?
I make a lot of soups and stews: beef stew, corn chowder, chicken chili verde, chili con carne. With a side of homemade bread or cornbread, it's a warming meal.

3. Brainpower: do you like me need to stave off depression, if so how do you do it?
I pick a craft or hobby and do it. This winter I'm making a prayer shawl, my first ever big crocheting project. It will go to a Kairos Outside prison ministry group. I also cut and "force" forsythia so that I have something blooming from my yard long before spring is here. I just went and cut some as the "epic" snowstorm is starting... (pictured to the right.)

4. How about a story that lifts your spirits, is there a book or film that you return to to stave off the gloom?
I'm in a Jane Austen book club this year and that has been a fun way to keep my heart light. Generally, I try to find a good series and dive into it when the days are short and cold. Reedy Girl was just introduced to the James Herriott serries (All Creatures Great and Small) though we had read bits and pieces of them to her for years. One year I read all of the Mitford books, another year I re-read all of the David and Leigh Eddings' series.

5. Looking forward: do you have a favorite spring flower/ is there something that says spring is here more than anything else?
The snowdrops are the first trumpet, then forsythia. Those two give me a little courage to get through February which my mom says is "the longest month of the year." Here's a shot of some snowdrops bravely standing up to the weather today!

Bonus: post a poem/ piece of music that points to the coming spring......

One of my favorite's is Aaron Copland's "Appalachian Spring" because it weaves in the folk tune "Simple Gifts." I looked briefly for a good video but didn't like the ones I found (they had a fabulous clam by the 1st horn which was lamentable!)

For all of you MST3000 fans, here's a video entitled "Spring Fever"

Today's howler

2010-02-04T13:37:00.010-05:00

OK, so those of you who live in the Snow Belt always have a good laugh at us wimpy MidAtlantic people. We know that. And it doesn't help that the meteorologists are simply about ready to foam at the mouth over this storm of "epic proportions." But when the forecast calls for anywhere from 12-24 inches of snow, folks get a bit mental around here.

However, along with the rest of the DC Metro area, I am watching the weather forecast carefully. Do we go buy more salt for the driveway? (yes) Do we have shovels? (yup.) Do we need to buy a generator? (overkill. I may regret saying that...) We have essentials stocked. We are hoping that things are not SO bad that we can't watch the NCIS marathon on Saturday.

On our way home from Tai Chi last night, Bearded Brewer, Reedy Girl and I stopped at the grocery store. We needed coffee, creamer, ice cream (the essentials!) and bought the fixings for homemade pizza. I can make dough but we were out of some fun things like Canadian Bacon and hot peppers... and then we saw THIS in the milk aisle...

Sure, we need to pay attention to the weather, and give thought to what we might need... but I think that maybe folks are panicked just a wee bit. The toilet paper aisle, bread aisle and diaper aisle were also decimated!

Then I saw THIS on the Weather page as I was getting a forecast update this afternoon, and I have had a terminal case of the giggles...

Yes, Captain Obvious, it will probably be "poor" for golfing in our area tomorrow...

heeheheeeee!!!

Warming up for the Super Bowl (TM)

2010-02-03T12:41:00.000-05:00

Happened upon some great cake wrecks just in time for the Super Bowl.TM Apparently bakeries do not have spellchecks.

Check them out here...

It's doing THIS again...

2010-01-30T15:47:00.000-05:00

It's doing THIS again! Except this time it's about 20 degrees and windy. Pure Brrrrrrrrrrr!!!!

I'm sticking to my warm house and slippers while I do some more homework and watch the 30% snow pile up. (Glad we didn't have a 100% chance. Wow!)

A nice pot roast is in the crockpot, and the cats all agree it's nap-thirtyfive.

sigh...

Friday Five: Social Media Edition

2010-01-29T08:31:00.002-05:00

Kathrynzj from RevGalBlogPals writes:

I had the joy of spending time with Songbird last weekend, someone I would have never met had it not been for the blogosphere. Now we keep in touch using a large variety of methods: blog (hers a lot, mine not so much lately), FaceBook, twitter, text messaging, chat and email. So far there has been no Skype.

It got me to thinking of the pros and cons of these relatively new means of communication and interconnecting and so I ask you the following:

1) What have been the benefits for you of social networking (blog, twitter, facebook, etc...)
First of all, I discovered the RevGals when I was a newbie in seminary and wondering if I was the only (a) 3rd career pastor-in-training (b) woman in seminary (c) secret feminist (d) person trying to serve God and walking that line between "the 2 R's" (Rush Limbaugh and Roger Moore!) To my delight, I discovered I had a plethora of cyber-friends and encouragers waiting to be found!

2) Which medium do you use the most? Or if you use them all, for what do you use each of them?I use them all!I have blogged since 2004 and have a family website (sadly unedited at the moment!) The blog and website are more oriented towards practical, thoughtful and usually whimsical writing. Facebook and Twitter and Skype are quick, easy ways to keep in touch with family and friends. Facebook has become a great way to connect in "the the real world" as I'm working on networking and preparing to find a job (August-September 2010, in case you are hiring!) Twitter is an easy way to update my Facebook and Blog "status bar" in one fell swoop, particularly via my cell phone.

3) If you could invent a networking site (with no limits on your imagination), what would it provide? What would it not provide?
Some kind of "speed dial" that would let me voice-activate update my status... ?

4) Who have you met that you would not have met if it were not for the 'miracle' of social networking?Back when I was trying to be more "whole foods" oriented, I met a bunch of women through a digest/email list. Some of them were pretty "out there" ("sugar causes cancer" etc) but we got to know a great family through that list. DebD and I are very different, but there is a kindred Spirit that makes us friends. We keep in touch via the web; her blog/Facebook is one of the ones I follow pretty faithfully.

5) Who do you secretly pray does not one day try to 'friend/follow' you?SNORT. Like I'm going to publicly write that here? Use your imagination.

BONUS: What was the most random/weird/unsettling/wonderful connection you made that would not have happened if it were not for the ease of which we can find each other in the computer realm?
The day that I found out I was going to be ordained, I managed to contact Mary Beth via phone, who was here in the DC area for a convention. My fellow ordinand and I had just decided that we were going to have a luau celebration theme, and she had just found a beautiful flower lei on the street! What a God connection! :)

More Beautiful You

2010-01-28T17:44:00.001-05:00

Jonny Diaz has written an amazing song! I heard it today and thought, "Wow. What if every parent and daughter listened to this song and took the words to heart..."

Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn't straight her body isn't fake
And she's always felt overweight
Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care

Your skin your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

Little girl twenty-one the things that you've already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you've got a man but he's got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead
Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true
And he'll treat you like the jewel you are

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

So turn around, you're not too far
To back away be who you are

To change your path, go another way --

It's not too late you can be saved.
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the One who's strong, can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears, dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth
And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl

There could never be a more beautiful you!

Gray roots, part deux

2010-01-27T12:46:00.002-05:00

Yesterday's blog wasn't meant to fish for compliments. (Honestly!) I just thought it was hilarious that someone could be so tacky (thank you, Mindy! perfect word!) and I was tickled to be considered in a previous decade, age-wise. But it was that little flare of conceit and vanity which popped up that made me stop and do a little self-assessment.

I'm frequently told that I don't look my age (and occasionally, that don't act it either.) I guess there has to be some benefit for having had oily skin as a teen, for staying out of the sun or religiously wearing sunblock because I quickly become sunburned, and for never having been a smoker. All those things play havoc on the skin. I also come from a good gene pool (thanks, Mom and Dad!) with longevity in my DNA. So while I liked the compliment, I realized that I don't look that young any more. I know that my face has more wrinkles than a few years ago. And as I drove home from the salon, I entertained for just a few minutes the idea that I might get my hair lightened or streaked or whatever you want to call it. While I love my stylist because she listens to me and doesn't give me a cut that can't thrive largely on neglect, she is in a business of selling beauty.

But this idea of "selling beauty" gets at a deeper issue. Who am I, anyway? What helps me see my true value, my purpose for living and life goals? It is not what is on the outside. Unfortunately, that's what is getting pushed on our kids at a younger and younger age.

Last night I channel surfed waiting for the news to return from a commercial break and came upon one of the most dreadful shows I've seen recently. (That says a lot.) It was the "Little Miss Perfect"pageant show on WEtv. I think that their advertising executives have chosen to promote the show from the seediest angle possible. Check out this clip which is their promo:

Sickening, isn't it?

That a girl (and her parents) can only consider self worth based on their beauty, glitz, talent and a "WOW" factor is wrong. Judges and parents keep telling a little girl that she has to present her "total package" yet it is all based on externals... what happened to her intellect, her gifting, her concern for others, her passions and interests, and, ultimately, her calling? These words from Proverbs 31 came to mind...

³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;
but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
³¹ Reward her for all she has done.
Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.

Prov. 31:30-31 NLT

I'm not the perfect parent, and I will continue to make mistakes... but God help me if I communicate to my girls, or any of their friends, that what is on the outside is more important than the character and the heart of the person beneath!

Thanks... I think!

2010-01-26T16:30:00.008-05:00

This afternoon, I made a quick trip to get my unruly shaggy head brought back into submission, since in the next few weeks I will be having interviews for a possible summer CPE unit. (CPE=Clinical Pastoral Education, or learning about yourself as a pastor and potential work in hospital chaplaincy.)

The shampoo gal says to me, "Gee, good thing you came in. Your roots are really showing. Time for a quick color touch up, huh?"

Me: "Um... No. This is my natural hair color."

Gal: "Oh. Well, it's really REALLY gray coming in. You might want to think about getting your hair colored."

Me: "Oh, I don't know. I've earned every one of them."

Gal: "Well, you'll definitely look old, like you're fifty or something, if you don't get your gray covered. And we have to keep working to look young in our forties, don't we?"

Me: "Well, that's a thought..."

I'm sure she meant well. (And I did not tell her that I left fifty behind a while ago... )

Friday Five: Planes, Trains and Automobiles

2010-01-22T09:22:00.002-05:00

Songbird from RevGalBlogPals writes:

By the time you're reading this, I'll be en route to a Great Big City to see my son in a play. I'll go by car and bus and train and no doubt cab and maybe even subway. Thus, our Friday Five.

1) What was the mode of transit for your last trip?
Family car. Another I-95 adventure...

2) Have you ever traveled by train?
Yes, a long time ago. When Bearded Brewer and I were dating (he was in DC, I was in metro NY), I used to take the Amtrak down to DC and then Metro it out to friends in Northern Virginia.

3) Do you live in a place with public transit, and if so, do you use it?
Only when we go to downtown DC. The biggest issue is finding parking at Metro stations!

4) What's the most unusual vehicle in which you've ever traveled?
A "taxi" in Nigeria which had people, goats and chickens all crammed in to a 10 passenger van. Everything was inside because it was the rainy season. It was hot, humid and smelly!

5) What's the next trip you're planning to take?
Hmmmm... Not sure. I don't think driving down to modular classes (intensives) counts. Probably back to the beach.

BONUS: Here's a picture of my first car... A 1978 Dodge Omni (basically a Volkswagen Rabbit knock-off!) It had a four speed manual transmission and an add-on AC unit under the dash. While it was great on snow with its front-wheel drive, it went through THREE batteries and FOUR alternators in ten years...

Calling

2010-01-19T13:51:00.002-05:00

I believe in all that has never yet been spoken.
I want to free what waits within me
so that what no one has dared to wish for
may for once spring clear
without my contriving.

If this is arrogant, God, forgive me,
but this is what I need to say.

May what I do flow from me like a river,
no forcing and no holding back,
the way it is with children.

Then in these swelling and ebbing currents,
these deepening tides moving out, returning,
I will sing you as no one ever has,
streaming through widening channels
into the open sea.

Rainer Maria Rilke
Rilke's Book of Hours

Consolation and Desolation

2010-01-16T12:54:00.004-05:00

Ruth Haley Barton in her book Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership writes about the inner dynamics of consolation and desolation, referencing St. Ignatius of Loyola...

Consolation is the interior movement of the heart that gives a deep sense of life-giving connection with God, others and my most authentic self in God. It is the sense that all is right with the world, that I am free to be given over to God and to love even in moments of pain and crisis. Desolation is the loss of a sense of God's presence. I feel out of touch with God, with others and with my most authentic self. It is the experience of being off-center, full of turmoil, confusion and maybe even rebellion.

Experiences of consolation and desolation are not right or wrong; they just are. They need not be particularly momentous; in fact, they might seem relatively inconsequential until we learn topay attention and listen for what they have to tell us. God's will for us is generally for us to do more of that which gives us life (John 10:10) and to turn away from those things that drain life from us and debilitate us.
~ Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership, p 67

As I listen, wait and pray, I can ask for things which bring about God's abundant life in me, not the life-draining kind. Sometime the "abundance" overflows when I am shopping for mission trips. Or listening to a friend over coffee. Or even folding laundry... Other times it is when I am standing alone in the middle of the labyrinth, listening, waiting and praying for God's direction.

I am learning I do not have to 'do' to be blessed and restored to the abundant life. Thank God I am not always a slow learner...

Mary Daly

2010-01-15T10:51:00.004-05:00

A Church for Starving Artists wrote a blog post on the passing of Mary Daly here... For some reason I had missed that news.

Like many of you, Mary Daly was the first feminist Christian writer I ever read (though I am sure there are some who will dispute whether or not she was a "Christian" and to them I say, "get over it!")

She brought a stunning ray of light into a dank, dusty way of doing theology. She challenged old hermeneutics and allowed many women, myself included, to see a clearer picture of Christ beyond the earthly depiction in the Gospels. She also tackled some pretty sacred ivory towers... things I am gutless to deal with at this stage of my life.

Rest in peace, Mary. And thanks...

Friday Five: "If" edition

2010-01-15T07:48:00.006-05:00

Jan from RevGalBlogPals writes:

In EFM this week, our question was, "If you were a color, what would you be?" So that's where this Friday Five comes from, at least its jumping off place.

1. If you were a color, what would you be?
I'd be blue-hoo-hoo, blue-hoo-hoo, blue-hoo-hoo-HOooooo! (Sorry! Gratuitious Veggie Tales Reference!)

2. If you were a flower (or plant), what would you be?
No question. I would be a rose. A beauty with thorns.

3. If you were an animal, what kind would you be?
A cat. Probably because the idea of sleeping 20 hours a day appeals... and because we're a 3-cat household. I don't think I could be anything else.

4. If you were a shoe, what type would you be? I'd like to say a pair of Birkenstock sandals, muddy from the back yard... but I don't want to horrify my daughter. Probably I'd be a pair of my Rocket Dogs flats because they go anywhere, work with just about anything outside of formal wear, and still look great. I love Rocket Dogs! I can find them for a reasonable price at DSW, and they don't hurt my feet!! I've been eying these beauties and are waiting for the price to come down.

5. If you were a typeface, which font would you be?
Something that is not regular and regimented, but is still readable. Probably something sans serif and as far from Times New Roman as I can get and still be considered "professional."

Bonus: Anything connected with metaphors that you'd like to contribute.
Well, you might have noticed that my blog is "An Unfinished Symphony" -- the title and reason are a metaphor in themselves!

Life is an unfinished symphony. God holds the score in His Hands. Sometimes my life is a cymbal crash, and sometimes it is pages of counting rests. But always, He is the Conductor. (...and I hear the Coda He's written is out of this world!)

And now a word from creation...

2010-01-14T10:07:00.002-05:00

Love the amazing diversity in creation! Check out this video on the "Lyre Bird" -- from a camera shutter to a car alarm to a chain saw - this bird imitates them all!

Call me oversensitive..

2010-01-14T08:49:00.004-05:00

Call me oversensitive if you'd like, but I was irked that of the "Top 55 Pastor Bloggers" selected and listed here, only FOUR of them were women. And the four that were selected were all from "lifechurch.tv". (Lifechurch.tv is a multi-campus megachurch in Texas, Oklahoma, New York, and Florida and has "online worship" as well.)

The list was created by a blog called 'Online Christian Colleges' so I can't really tell their affiliation.

But.

Only four women? Relegated to a specific category???

C'mon!

Manning on being "pro-life"

2010-01-13T09:23:00.003-05:00

I finally found something in The Ragamuffin Gospel that helps me articulate what has bothered me about the political grandstanding of the pro-life movement. It's a question of consistency and integrity; it's a matter of seeing all humanity as worthy of "life"... and it is a honest self-appraisal for the ways we all fall short in living out God's commandments to serve one another.

The way we ware with each other is the truest testof our faith. How I treat a brother or sister form day to day, how I react to the sin-scarred wino on the street, how I respond to interruptions from people I dislike, how I deal with normal people in their normal confusion on a normal day may be a better indication of my reverence for life than the antiabortion sitcker on the bumper of my car.

We are not pro-life simply because we are warding off death. We are pro-life to the extent that we are men and women for others, all others; to the extent that no human flesh is a stranger to us; to the extent that we can touch the hand of another in love, to the extent that for us there are no "others."
Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel, p. 141.

There is much to consider here...

An Honest Moment...

2010-01-12T11:34:00.005-05:00

Holy One,
There is something
I wanted to tell you,
but there have been errands to run,
bills to pay,
meetings to attend,
washing to do...
and I forget what it is
I wanted to say to you,
and forget what I am about to do or why.
O God,
don't forget me please,
for the sake of Jesus Christ...

O Father in Heaven,
perhaps you've already heard
what I wanted to tell you.
What I wanted to ask is
forgive me,
heal me, increase my courage, please.
Renew in me
a little of love and faith,
and a sense of confidence,
and a vision of what it might mean
to live as though you were real,
and I mattered,
and everyone was sister and brother.

What I wanted to ask in my blundering way is
don't give up on me,
don't become too sad about me,
but laugh with me,
and try again with me,
and I will with you, too.

AMEN.

- Transforming prayer by Ted Loder
in Guerrillas of Grace

Friday Five: Dreams

2010-01-08T13:14:00.004-05:00

Sophia from RevGalBlogPals writes:

With the beginning of my college teaching semester I have been having some unusually intense and memorable dreams lately--especially related to my Women and Religion class. With the beginning of a new calendar year many of us are engaging with dreams of another kind: planning, brainstorming, setting intentions or resolutions, etc. And many churches will celebrate the baptism of Jesus this Sunday, reading the Gospel account of his vision of the Holy Spirit as a dove and the "beloved child" words of Godde that set him off on his mission sharing Godde's dream for the world. So let's take a few minutes on this (where I am at least) lovely snow-blanketed Friday morning and share about the many different dreams and visions in our lives.

1. Do you tend to daydream? I do. But I think that it is a largely self-serving habit, so I am trying to turn them into prayers of conscious conversation with God instead.

2. Do you usually remember your night dreams? Do you find them symbolic and meaningful or just quirky? Most of the time, they are just quirky, and usually related to something that is going on in my life. For instance, Bearded Brewer likes to sleep with the window open. In cold weather, that usually results in a dream of being in a snowbank, or lying on the ice... and then I wake up freezing!

3. Have you ever had a life changing dream which you'll never forget? No, honestly, I don't think I have.

4. Share a long term dream for one or more aspects of your life and work. How about graduating in May and starting a CPE unit shortly after? I guess this is a theme, but I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to be done with school.

5. Share a dream for 2010....How can we support you in prayer on both the short and long term dreams? I am a bit jaded, I guess. I had dreams of where I thought I would be in ministry and the doors seem fairly firmly closed. So I'm just focusing on a dose of reality and intentional listening to God's voice and direction, rather than telling God what I think is going to happen.

I do pray for our daughters' future and the places God will take them and use them. The opportunities that they will be offered will have fewer bumps in the road. So I guess my BIG dream would be for a world where equality is not fought for, but is granted, and service and work is given based on gifts, not gender.

I'd say that's a pretty BIG dream for all of us!

Back to school

2010-01-06T14:42:00.003-05:00

Sunset, Harbor Island, SC

It's sunset time for Academia... I'm back in the swing of my LAST semester of seminary. (Can I get an AMEN?) It's a good feeling and yet a bit surreal.

Before the semester gets going full blast, I finally finished writing the reflective essay that accompanies my CPE application. I think that if I were in my 20s instead of (ahem) something higher, it wouldn't have taken as long. There was a lot to write about! The ministry is my third "career" and degree program. All those years of thinking "women can't be pastors" really kinda mucked with my life journey. But in a way, it's all good. I've had some time to deal with junk in my life, see our girls through a lot of their school years, and take a wild faith journey. It was gratifying to re-think my spiritual and vocational journeys as I wrote my background essay.

I've gone back to Brennan Manning for my devotional reading (as well as reading through the NT letters) and am finishing up my re-read of The Ragamuffin Gospel. I truly love his writing. He and Anne Lamott and Henri Nouwen help me keep things real and fresh.

In today's reading I came across two quotes which were thought-provoking:

"When a tornado comes tearing down the street, it is not time to stop and smell the flowers. Let go of the good old days that never were -- a regimented church you never attended, traditional virtues you never practiced, legalistic obedience you never honored, and a sterile orthodoxy you never accepted. The old era is done. The decisive inbreak of God has happened." (page 110)

and

"Most of us postpone a decision hoping that Jesus will get weary of waiting and the inner voice of Truth will get laryngitis. Thus, the summons of the crisis parables remains suspended in a state of anxiety, so long as we opt neither for nor against the new dimension of living open to us. Our indecision creates more problems than it solves. Indecision means we stop growing for an indeterminate length of time; we get stuck. With the paralysis of analysis, the human spirit begins to shrivel. The conscious awareness of our resistance to grace and the refusal to allow God's love to make us who we really are brings a sense of oppression. Our lives become fragmented, inconsistent, lacking in harmony and out of sync. The worm turns. The felt security of staying in a familiar place vanishes. We are caught between a rock and a hard place. How do we resolve this conundrum? We don't. We cannot will ourselves to accept grace..." (page 113)

The first quote was just one of those obvious ones -- reminding me that a faith that matters is a faith that moves and deals with life in one of those "where the rubber meets the road" moments.

The second one is probably an encapsulation of the last few years while I've been in seminary. I've been pushed to leave some old, comfortable, well-established religious opinions and grind out some new ones. And where I can't find some way to articulate the changing aspects of faith, to be willing to not concretize something that is not yet fully formed. But in any case, to be willing to be UNstuck by letting God's irresistible love wash me onward.

Onward, kicking down the rubble, pulling out of the mud pits... here I go. Another year. Another reminder of God's faithfulness.

Friday Five: Fresh Starts and Covenants Edition

2010-01-01T13:52:00.006-05:00

Sally of RevGalBlogPals writes:

As I prepare this post I am aware that it will be posted on New Years Day. We stand at the beginning of 2010 looking not only at a New Year, but at a new decade full of promise and possibilities. For some of us this will be exciting, but others will approach it with trepidation and probably most of us stand on this threshold with a mix of emotions and reactions. It is at this time of year that many (British) Methodist Churches celebrate their Annual Covenant Service, a service that will include this prayer:

I am no longer my own but Yours,

Put me to what You will, rank me with whom You will;
put me to doing, put me to suffering;
let me be employed for You, or laid aside for You,
exalted for You, or brought low for You;
let me be full, let me be empty,
let me have all things, let me have nothing:
I freely and wholeheartedly yield all things to Your pleasure and disposal.
And now glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
You are mine and I am Yours.
May it be so forever.
Let this covenant now made on earth be fulfilled in heaven.
AMEN

This prayer is said every year, and offers every member an opportunity to renew their covenant with God. This is no soft or easy prayer, it states in the company of others our willingness to worship God come what may, not that we should become doormats, but that we place God above all else. (And every year if we are honest we have to acknowledge that we fail.) With this prayer in mind I bring you this Friday Five:

1. What will you gladly leave behind in 2009? Two words: Kate Turabian.

2. What is the biggest challenge of 2010 for you? Finishing strong for my M.Div. I am so sick of school that I really am not excited about starting classes on Monday. I know I will get in the groove, but I am ready to be DONE!

3. Is there anything that you simply need to hand to God and say "all will be well, for you are with me"? Knowing where I will be a year from now in God's choice of ministry for me. I don't really know what it will look like. Being a female and ordained clergy without a denominational affiliation, there aren't any clear options as of yet. And that must be God's to direct and bring to pass.

4. If you could only achieve one thing in 2010 what would it be? Continue to build strong relationships with my husband and daughters. Anything else is gravy.

5. Post a picture, poem or song that sums up your prayer for the year ahead....

Harbor Island, SC

In the quiet spaces and wide open places
I heard your Voice
and answer...
I only desire to reflect
your Words and your Beauty
to the world around me.
may it be so.
Amen.

Quiet Days, Celebratory Nights

2009-12-29T15:28:00.007-05:00

This week is vacation week. We are hanging out with family, reading, doing some shopping and baking, and watching lots of football. Among the things I'm not doing:
- writing papers
- reading professional journals or books
- answering emails from people at home (no offense to my friends, because I am Spacehooking a bit...)

Even though it's cold and windy, the sun is shining and I am reveling in the birdwatching and "doing nothing" agenda for today.

Across the lonely beach we flit,
One little sandpiper and I,
And fast I gather, but by bit,
The scattered drift-wood, bleached and dry.
The wild waves reach their hands for it,
The wild wind raves, the tide runs high,
As up and down the beach we flit,
One little sandpiper and I.
-Celia Thaxter

Ahhhhhhhhh.....

2009-12-27T23:26:00.003-05:00

It's kind of a visual cleansing breath, isn't it?

Hallelujah...

2009-12-25T00:01:00.001-05:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Verse 1
It's still a mystery to me
That the hands of God could be so small,
How tiny fingers reaching in the night
Were the very hands that measured the sky

Chorus
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Heaven's love reaching down to save the world
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Son of God, Servant King,
You're here with us
You're here with us

Verse 2
It's still a mystery to me, oh,
How His infant eyes have seen the dawn of time
How His ears have heard an angel's symphony,
But still Mary had to rock her Savior to sleep

Chorus
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Heaven's love reaching down to save the world
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Son of God, Servant King
Here with us
You're here with us
(Ohh, mmm, here with us)

Bridge
Jesus the Christ, born in Bethlehem
A baby born to save, to save the souls of man

Chorus (2x)
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Heaven's love reaching down to save the world
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Son of God, Servant King
You're here with us
You're here with us

From one Advent to the next...

2009-12-24T16:45:00.002-05:00

Love divine, all loves excelling,
Joy of heaven to earth come down;
Fix in us thy humble dwelling;
All thy faithful mercies crown!
Jesus, Thou art all compassion,
Pure unbounded love Thou art;
Visit us with Thy salvation;
Enter every trembling heart.

Breathe, O breathe Thy loving Spirit,
Into every troubled breast!
Let us all in Thee inherit;
Let us find that second rest.
Take away our bent to sinning;
Alpha and Omega be;
End of faith, as its Beginning,
Set our hearts at liberty.

Come, Almighty to deliver,
Let us all Thy life receive;
Suddenly return and never,
Never more Thy temples leave.
Thee we would be always blessing,
Serve Thee as Thy hosts above,
Pray and praise Thee without ceasing,
Glory in Thy perfect love.

Finish, then, Thy new creation;
Pure and spotless let us be.
Let us see Thy great salvation
Perfectly restored in Thee;
Changed from glory into glory,
Till in heaven we take our place,
Till we cast our crowns before Thee,
Lost in wonder, love, and praise.

Words: Charles Wesley

Dug out and running around...

2009-12-22T11:59:00.008-05:00

We did indeed have over 18 inches of snow. Our best guess is that our snow depth was about 20 inches. For here in suburban Maryland, that's just paralyzing. Our street never did get plowed! It was only because a neighbor had connections to a friend with a snowplow on his truck that we are able to slide down the hill.

Here's a few photos of the beauty...

I'm already tired of the shoveling and it was only about 8 or 9 inches deep...

The mailman never made it. The newspapers did!

Cold tree. Warm lights...

Cool shot across the street... (taken by Reedy Girl.)

Papa Fir Tree with a blanket.

Friday Five: Christmas Traditions

2009-12-19T00:34:00.008-05:00

Jan at RevGalBlogPals writes:

Christmas traditions vary from family to family and from regions afar. I've been pleased that my oldest son's wife AA loves to be with our family for Christmas, though I don't think we do anything out of the ordinary. It helps that DC has one brother and two sisters to liven up our home.

Since I finally decorated the Christmas tree and have started baking Christmas cookies, I am thinking of Christmas only being one week away.

So for this Friday Five, tell us five things about the traditions in your family. Think of...

1. Traditions you always do...
A tree, stockings from "Santa," an Advent wreath, pretty tablecloths and linens, presents under the tree, and putting up creches.

We never really pushed the "Santa" story, but used it as an opportunity to teach doing things for each other. Our stockings have things in them that are fun and useful, silly and imaginative. Our creches are from various places. One is from Bearded Brewer's grandmother. Another is made of olive wood from Bethlehem, and there are also animals from Africa and India represented. There are many German decorations (arches, painted wooden ornaments and pyramids), and music boxes. And there are a lot of things for cats to knock over.

King Henry with part of the creche. He brought "purrrs."

2. Traditions you always cook or eat...
Gazillions of Christmas cookies (usually at least one batch of sugar cookies), chocolate in many ways, peppermint and some kind of good meal on Christmas Day. It depends where we are what it is (if we are at the beach, it's seafood!)

3. Traditions you would like to start...
Reading the Christmas story together.

4. traditions you would like to discard...
Well, since I am not going to get to them this year, Christmas cards. I guess I will do some kind of eCard.

Reedy Girl and I doing "quality control" on cookies...

5. anything about your family Christmases... Bearded Brewer and I give to some organization as our Christmas gift to our extended family. Depending on the year, we choose an organization we want to support. We have given to Amani Ya Juu, The Heifer Project, International Christian Concern, The Salvation Army, and various relief projects with the Mennonite Central Committee. It's never a lot of money, but we know it is the gift that "always fits" and it is something of a legacy from our parents, who taught us to care about the less fortunate.

As time goes by, I am becoming more of a realist. Things that get done, get done. Things that don't -- well, they don't. As I type this, we are beginning a major snowstorm for our area. (Of course anything more than 6 inches is "major" around here!!) I was supposed to preach a student sermon tomorrow. Unless we travel by dogsled, it won't happen. So we will enjoy some time as a family and celebrate this season of Light and Hope and Joy and Peace...

And I pray that each of you finds these things too -- in Jesus, The Christ Child.

Deb

Stables

2009-12-17T22:16:00.002-05:00

I have come to really love this song...

Stables by Peter Mayer
From the album "Midwinter"

In Bethlehem a manger waits
Long ago and so today
Where hatred-weary people pray
Love will come and lay there

And so do countless stables stand
In hearts as harsh as desert lands
Rough shelters in the wind and sand
That love may come and stay there

Love that opens fists of hate
Heaps up gold on beggars’ plates
Love that shows a kindly face
To enemies and strangers

And the walls of stables tremble so
When the winds of fear and judgment blow
For a stable hopes in love alone
And knows that love’s the answer

O Love, the prophet’s only word
The only lesson left to learn
The only end of heaven’s work
And the only road that goes there

Love that sees with mercy’s eyes
Holds its arms out open wide
Threads its loom with separate lives
And weaves them all together

So may the lamps of stables glow
Brightly that their light may go
For miles in the darkness, so
Love will find its way there

A Milestone...

2009-12-15T23:17:00.003-05:00

(Reedy Girl is on the left)

First high school concert for Reedy Girl... In the pre-concert chaos, I snagged one "mama-razzi" picture. She did very well and had a small solo. And I behaved and didn't embarrass her with overt photographic moments.

A milestone to celebrate!

Deb

God's Presence this Christmas...

2009-12-09T11:03:00.005-05:00

My devotional readings are in The Ragamuffin Gospel and Watch for the Light this season. This quote in Ragamuffin spoke to my heart as I prayed for a heart that more clearly hears and sees God at work this Advent.

For what we need to know, of course, is not just that God exists, not just that beyond the steely brightness of the stars there is a cosmic intelligence of some kind that keeps the whole show going, but that there is a God right here in the thick of our day-by-day lives who may not be writing messages about himself in the stars but in one way or another is trying to get message through our blindness as we move around down here knee-deep in the fragrant muck and misery and marvel of the world. It is not objective proof of God’s existence that we want but the experience of God’s presence. That is the miracle we are really after, and that is also, I think the miracle that we really get.

from Frederick Buechner's The Magnificent Defeat (quoted in The Ragamuffin Gospel

If I were to get it into words, I don't think I could have said it any better. "The best gift is His Presence..."

How silently, how silently
The wondrous Gift is giv'n!
So God imparts to human hearts
The blessings of His heav'n.
No ear may his His coming,
But in this world of sin,
Where meek souls will receive Him still,
The dear Christ enters in.
Phillips Brooks - O Little Town of Bethehem

The fourth king...

2009-12-06T01:06:00.003-05:00

King Henry, that is! He brought the gift of purrrss....

Friday Five: Do-Nothing Edition

2009-12-05T23:05:00.003-05:00

Sally from RevGals writes: List five things you won't be doing to prepare for Christmas.

1) Attending more than one Christmas concert at school since The Johnnie has graduated, and only Reedy Girl has a concert this month.
2) Perform in a Christmas concert or service this month. My schedule doesn't permit participating in Christmas Eve this year. It's really OK.
3) Giving in a gift exchange, white elephant or otherwise. (Hallelujah!)
4) Traveling down to The Mall in DC to see Christmas lights. (I've done it the last four years in a row; I'm exempt this year!)
5) Sending Christmas cards. I'm emailing, blogging and that's all folks.

Back to writing... and when I have brain-power, more blogging too...

Advent Thoughts... Day 4

2009-12-02T10:56:00.003-05:00

I'm not promising to blog every day this month, but I am doing readings in a book that I haven't read consistently at Advent in some time. It's titled Watch for the Light and is a collection of readings from many of my favorite authors. (It's on Amazon and while you're there you might like the Lent and Easter version titled Bread and Wine.

Today's reading featured a translation of a hymn penned by St. Thomas Aquinas:

Light of lights! All gloom dispelling,
Thou didst come to make thy dwelling
Here within our world of sight.
Lord, in pity and in power,
Thou didst in our darkest hour
Rend the clouds and show thy light.

Praise to thee in earth and heaven
Now and evermore be given,
Christ, who art our sun and shield.
Lord, for us thy life thou gavest,
Those who trust in thee thou savest,
All thy mercy stands revealed.

I had never connected this hymn to Acquinas. But as the days get darker and colder (particularly in the morning) the seasonal change back to the light is a mighty word picture of me of the dawning promises of God.

Yes. Today can be dark. For us as a family, there are some difficult decisions and work to be done. And later this week, we will have the graveside committal from the BCP for our life-long Episcopalian mom, mother-in-law and grandmother. And it was with a smile and joy that I read this reference to her present experience of the light...

Into thy hands, O merciful Savior,
we commend thy servant Marie.
Acknowledge, we humbly beseech thee,
A sheep of thine own fold,
A lamb of thine own flock,
A sinner of thine own redeeming.
Receive her into the arms of thy mercy,
into the blessed rest of everlasting peace,
and into the glorious company of the saints in LIGHT.
Amen.

And so be it.

Advent Thoughts...

2009-11-30T22:06:00.002-05:00

It seems to me that one of the biggest blessings and promises contained within the coming of Christ is comfort.

Not "comfort" like my fluffy slippers or my wuzzly bathrobe and favorite coffee mug... though my family will tell you I do enjoy them.

"Comfort" in the sense of someone who is worn, spent, hurting and in need of measures of grace -- that place of desolation and pain where you need consoling and restoring.

And God alone does that.

So when this song played on my "shuffle" mode this afternoon, I thought it completely Providential...

Clear words of comfort -- to God's tired, worn-down, sometimes rebellious, often confused, hurting, wondering, wandering, hoping, forgetful, longing, struggling, believing, but most of all HOPING people.

And that would definitely describe me...

God is so good...

Let ev'ry heart prepare him room...

2009-11-30T09:17:00.003-05:00

Advent begins with a list of chores, wishes and lists... but it really should begin with a prayer of thanks and meditation on the goodness of God to send a Savior.

We move into the darkest part of the year to see the brightest Hope of the nations. As I told my kids, it doesn't really matter if December 25th was the ACTUAL day of Jesus' birth. The fact is - he was born, lived and died for us. And for that I am thankful...

Charles Wesley's hymn is on my mind this morning:

Come, O Long-Expected Jesus
By: Charles Wesley

Come, O long-expected Jesus,
Born to set your people free;
From our fears and sins release us
By your death on Calvary.
Israel's strength and consolation,
Hope to all the earth impart,
dear desire of ev'ry nation,
Joy of ev'ry longing heart.

Born your people to deliver,
Born a child and yet a king;
Born to reign in us forever,
Now your gracious kingdom bring.
By your own eternal Spirit
Rule in all our hearts alone;
By your all-sufficient merit
Raise us to your glorious throne.

I pray I will continue to have a "longing heart" for the return of our Reigning King...

Deb

First Candle...

2009-11-29T22:35:00.003-05:00

We lit the first candle on our advent wreath at lunch today. It's a sign of the Advent season for me - a reminder that the seasons fly by, and we've made another circle around the sun.

We usually sing the same song as the candles burn...

O Come O Come, Emmanuel
and ransom captive Israel
that mourns in lowly exile here
until the Son of God appears.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee,
O Israel.

It was good to begin this season with some hope and the promise that God will bring to our world, one day. Looking forward to the second Advent, celebrating the first.

Today we delivered The Johnnie to her ride back to campus... it was hard to see her go. We needed each other this weekend. We needed to be reminded of the love between us and the importance of LIFE -- even in the sucky times.

(We also had a great laugh... Apparently The Johnnie, when she was little, didn't hear the words right to our Advent wreath plainsong. She thought it was "that mourns in lonely eggs aisle here"... and was confused. She couldn't figure out why it was "lonely" in the "eggs aisle" of the grocery store...)

Reedy Girl and I put up the outdoor Christmas lights and that, too, was a celebration of life and light...

I'm just so thankful...

Today...

2009-11-28T21:30:00.003-05:00

...had exercise, baking, driving lessons, bike riding lessons, shopping, packing, laundry, and homework.

In other words, we really didn't do much of the tasks that are waiting us at Mom V's home. But it's OK. It's kind of a mini-vacation from all that is ahead. (Actually, since it is a holiday weekend, the rector of her church isn't available by phone, and we're waiting for the business office of the nursing home to open on Monday...)

The Johnnie goes back to school tomorrow, and Reedy Girl back to classes on Monday... I already wish this weekend had an extra day in it...

sigh...

Released...

2009-11-27T09:57:00.002-05:00

Mom V was released last night... she passed away about 9 p.m. shortly after we left from seeing her after dinner.

There's blessed relief and grief all rolled into one.

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away.
Blessed be the Name of the Lord...

A day of mixed feelings...

2009-11-26T10:28:00.004-05:00

I am about to start the preparation for Thanksgiving Dinner...

It's hard to believe that a month ago it was a very different set of plans that included friends from church, family and football.

Today we will sandwich in (no pun intended!) the meal with a visit to the nursing home to see how my mother-in-law is doing. We'll hang with our kids and watch something from Netflix or maybe play a game... but emotionally and mentally, we're really not up for more than that.

We have offers to visit folks, hang out, "be family" -- but the truth is, we're waiting for a phone call or to have a visit that seems like it will be our last.

Yet in the middle of this waiting... there is laughter, and there is a lot of love. I am a fortunate woman...

For instance, this morning, Bearded Brewer woke up with this song on his mind...

Joy to the world!
All the boys and girls!
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea!
Joy to you and me!

And now that song is stuck in MY mind!!! (and maybe yours???)

But in a Providential way, that song is true. So much of life is JOY. JOY for the little things that God steeps us in and that we can celebrate. I realized that I spend a lot of time waiting for the next "thing" to happen. Today I am going to try and live life fully aware of the blessings that surround me. I'm not "waiting" on anything except the next moment God directs into my life...

²⁰ We wait in hope for the LORD;
he is our help and our shield.

²¹ In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.

²² May your unfailing love be with us, LORD,
even as we put our hope in you.

- from Psalm 33

I truly hope you all have a blessed, joyous Thanksgiving!

Deb

Today...

2009-11-25T13:48:00.005-05:00

- all of my family is home!
I retrieved The Johnnie from her dorm this morning, and Reedy Girl is finished with her high school classes as of lunchtime.
Bearded Brewer is scheduled off for two days (Wednesday-Thursday) and we will enjoy some down time together. What will it be? A rousing game of Apples 2 Apples or Mexican train???

- we have worked through some of our impasse with the nursing home regarding hospice for my mother-in-law
While there are some things we are not happy about (i.e. having to nag them to keep her pain at bay) they have been responsive and have taken the time to at least listen to our concerns. We'd prefer she could be enrolled in hospice, but the state bean counters and their holy "Certificate of Need" seem to make it impossible to provide an individual with services as requested. So until there's a bed... she's being watched with many kind hearts and gentle hands...

- we are full of grace and peace
Yesterday Ruth came up and led the four of us (Bearded Brewer, MIL and me) in a Rite II Eucharist. There are such comforting words in the liturgy. Though she could not speak, she was clearly following. I am grateful for the gift of grace in the Bread and Cup, and for a servant-hearted friend like Ruth. God's Presence has been touching mine all day. It's a gracious gift.

Wherever you are - may you have that same sense of God's Presence.

Blessed Thanksgiving to you!

A living prayer

2009-11-24T21:23:00.001-05:00

In this world I walk alone
With no place to call my home
But there's one who holds my hand
The rugged road through barren lands
The way is dark, the road is steep
But He's become my eyes to see
The strength to climb, my griefs to bear
The Savior lives inside me there

In Your love I find release
A haven from my unbelief
Take my life and let me be
A living prayer, my God to Thee

In these trials of life I find
Another voice inside my mind
He comforts me and bids me live
Inside the love the Father gives

In Your love I find release
A haven from my unbelief
Take my life and let me be
A living prayer, my God to Thee

Take my life and let me be
A living prayer, my God to Thee

today's list...

2009-11-24T10:40:00.003-05:00

- Bearded Brewer's suit to the dry cleaners
- buy eggs so that Reedy Girl can bake (don't ask how old the eggs are in my fridge.)
- maybe get The Johnnie from campus - maybe do that tomorrow
- get music and CDs for Mom V's room to block the hall noise in the nursing home (it is NOT restful!)
- have a prayer and communion with Bearded Brewer, Ruth C and Mom V - she is coming to do a special prayer and Eucharist (she has the OLD BCP thankyouverymuch) which Mom V will appreciate hearing, even if she is now basically nonverbal
- do other chauffeuring and household chores...
- love on my family...
- cry

I have already...
- burned a pot on the stove
- washed a load of towels for the 3rd time since they never made it to the dryer - again!!
- lost my keys (and found them)
- have soup in the crockpot and bread in the bread machine for dinner...

countdowns...

2009-11-22T23:51:00.002-05:00

Two stickies off the timeline... six to go. Life is not predictable, so I'm wondering if they will all get done. And if they don't, they don't.

I may get my first "B" in seminary this semester.

And I don't care.

This is my post today...

2009-11-21T14:06:00.003-05:00

All that's left for this semester...

- Greek translation and quiz - 11/21
- 15 page paper on Dinah - 11/22
- sermon taping - 11/27
- Greek translation and quiz - 11/28
- Book reports - 4 preaching books - 12/5
- exegetical outline - 12/6
- Greek final - 12/11
- Old Testament final (Pentateuch and historical books) - 12/11

I'm tired... but moving forward by grace alone...

Thanksgiving Friday Five

2009-11-20T07:26:00.007-05:00

Jan from RevGalBlogPals introduces our Friday Five with some poetry:

The Cure

Lying around all day
with some strange new deep blue
weekend funk, I'm not really asleep
when my sister calls
to say she's just hung up
from talking with Aunt Bertha
who is 89 and ill but managing
to take care of Uncle Frank
who is completely bed ridden.
Aunt Bert says
it's snowing there in Arkansas,
on Catfish Lane, and she hasn't been
able to walk out to their mailbox.
She's been suffering
from a bad case of the mulleygrubs.
The cure for the mulleygrubs,
she tells my sister,
is to get up and bake a cake.
If that doesn't do it, put on a red dress.

--Ginger Andrews (from Hurricane Sisters)

So this Friday before Thanksgiving, think about Aunt Bert and how she'll celebrate Thanksgiving! And how about YOU?

1. What is your cure for the "mulleygrubs"?
A chat and a coffee or meal with good friends, or a good book and a comfy couch... with chocolate.

2. Where will you be for Thanksgiving?
That's still up in the air. Will be here on the home front, but I will either fix dinner and serve it at my mother-in-law's apartment, or have it here at home without her. It depends on if she is feeling up to traveling via wheelchair across the campus to her old digs.

3. What foods will be served? Which are traditional for your family?
Because of the nature of our life and our family news, I opted to get a pre-made dinner from Whole Foods. A turkey dinner with all of the trimmings. Cost a truckload of money, but it was the only option that made sense.

4. How do you feel about Thanksgiving as a holiday?
I think it is important to stop and be thankful. And watch football. LOTS of football!

5. In this season of Thanksgiving, what are you grateful for?
My wonderful husband, Bearded Brewer. Our amazing girls, The Johnnie and Reedy Girl. Family, scattered between Oregon, Ohio and North Carolina. Friends, around the world and here in the DC area. Fellow students and professors at Whoopin Divinity who challenge me and remind me to keep expecting God to show up. Cats. Chocolate and coffee (sometimes together). Health. A safe and healthy place to live. The right to worship freely. A computer and teh intewebs so that I can keep in touch with cyber-family. RevGals!! Teh Clooney because he's just so hawttt! Apples. My "wicked good" slippers. Our waterbed. And laughter. God is good.

I might post on Aunt Bert's Thanksgiving later... right now I have to grab a shower and start back to work on my paper...

Deb

P.S. Anyone else remember the old Keith Green song?

I will give thanks to the Lord
With all my heart
I will tell of all Thy wonders
I will be glad and exult in Thee

I will trust in you my God
Who delivered me
And lifted me from the gates of death
I will be glad and exult in Thee

I will give thanks to the Lord
With all my heart
I will tell of all Thy wonders
I will be glad and exult in Thee

I will tell of all Thy wonders
I will be glad and exult in Thee

Ragamuffin thoughts

2009-11-19T08:48:00.004-05:00

He changes times and seasons...
[Daniel 2:21a]

Recently I've been reading The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning. It's a favorite read and every time I pick it up there's something new and refreshing for my soul.

Last night I was reading the chapter "Cormorants and Kittiwakes." Simply put, it is a chapter of rediscovering the wonder of the Creator and Creation. Of actually walking through leaves instead of sanitizing your yard and raking and bagging them. Of watching the rain fall instead of dashing through it. Of noticing the pattern of sunlight and shade, of the rising and setting sun.

Writes Manning:

"We fail to be stretched by the magnificence of the world saturated with grace. Creation doesn't calm our troubled spirits, restore our perspective, or delight us in every part of our being. It remidns us instead of mundane chores: changing the page on teh calendar or ordering our snow tires. We must rediscover the gospel fo grace and the world of grace.

"For 'the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love and God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit' opens us to the divine spread everywhere about us, especially in the life of a loving person."
(The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning, page 93.)

To be open to God's love means that we are replenished. To be open to the wonder and majesty again means that we relinquish creative control. And to be open to loving others means that sometimes we are hurt, but always, we are to love.

In this difficult patch we are in right now, I needed the reminder to look out, look up and see the Face of God. And this morning, I did...

Before burying myself in this latest paper, and later on errands, family needs, household chores, and so on, I grabbed my camera, and stepped into the back yard to greet my Creator.

Even the sparrow has found a home,and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may have her young—a place near your altar,
O LORD Almighty, my King and my God.
[Psalm 84:3]

...you are worth more than many sparrows...

[Matthew 10:31b]

Thanks be to God.

Peace, be still...

2009-11-18T09:50:00.004-05:00

Outdoor Labyrinth at Dayspring Retreat Center
in Germantown, Maryland

I love walking this outdoor labyrinth. It is set apart from the buildings and meeting areas. It is truly off the beaten track, away from the many paths that criss-cross through the property. Set under the tress, there is a dappled sunlight, now that the leaves have all dropped.

I also like it because the journey to the center and back is on a natural surface. It's not groomed and perfectly flat. Like life there are twists and turns and potholes. There's roots that can trip you and there's debris from the trees that you have to step over as you walk.

But as I walk it, just God and me, there is a quietness that comes over me. Step by step. God is there. And in the center, a whisper that says, "Peace, be still."

The wind whips around me. There is a chilly mist falling around me. But I am at peace.

Grace for today. Bright hope for tomorrow.
Great is thy faithfulness...

ending a long day...

2009-11-17T22:49:00.002-05:00

Tonight we ended our Greek class with a reading and translation of some verses from I John 2. I actually could read enough of the words to feel like perhaps I have learned something!

¹² I am writing to you, dear children,
because your sins have been forgiven on account of his name.

¹³ I am writing to you, fathers,
because you know him who is from the beginning.
I am writing to you, young people,
because you have overcome the evil one.

¹⁴ I write to you, dear children,
because you know the Father.
I write to you, fathers,
because you know him who is from the beginning.
I write to you, young people,
because you are strong,
and the word of God lives in you,
and you have overcome the evil one.

I John 2:12-14 TNIV

There's been a lot of things hit the fan today... but at least I have this truth to hang on to.

Deb

Just give me Jesus...

2009-11-16T10:37:00.005-05:00

I am walking this journey by faith, not by sight. I can give you all the platitudes you want, but the simple reality is that I am and will continue to be hanging on by prayer, and taking extra time to process, pray and hear God's voice.

So on a day when I needed encouragement and uplifting, there's a beautiful sun-streaming morning. When I looked out the back door into our yard, it seemed to be an "I love you" reminder from God, fresh from His fingertips... I set down my coffee mug, stepped out onto the patio and snapped this, and listened to the cardinals and carolina wrens singing their hearts out.

Wow.

God is so faithful...

Deb

P.S. As I was standing there in the chilly fall sunshine, this song came to mind... Give Me Jesus performed by Fernando Ortega

In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise, give me Jesus

Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus

When I am alone
When I am alone
When I am alone, give me Jesus

Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus

When I come to die
When I come to die
When I come to die, give me Jesus

Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
You can have all this world,
You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus

Heaven Come Down

2009-11-15T15:26:00.004-05:00

One of my new favorite songs....

Song of Hope (Heaven Come Down)

Robbie Seay Band

All things bright and beautiful You are
All things wise and wonderful You are
In my darkest night, You brighten up the skies
A song will rise

I will sing a song of hope
Sing along
God of heaven come down
Heaven come down
Just to know that You are near is enough
God of heaven come down, heaven come down

All things new
I can start again
Creator, God
Calling me Your friend
Sing praise, my soul
To the Maker of the skies
A song will rise

I will sing a song of hope
Sing along
God of heaven come down
Heaven come down
Just to know You and be loved is enough
God of heaven come down, heaven come down

Hallelujah, sing
Hallelujah, sing
Hallelujah, sing

Between the darkness and the dawn

2009-11-14T20:20:00.008-05:00

I think that we are living between the darkness and the dawn. The now and not yet. Between the promised and the fulfillment. Some days I can handle that just fine.

Today is not one of them.

In the last few weeks we have been rocked by a terminal diagnosis in my family. My mother-in-law has a malignant glioma. While she is in excellent company (Edward Kennedy was diagnosed with it, as was Robert Novak) it is still a dim reality to us.

She has elected not to have invasive treatment, nor to allow a biopsy (the surgery is risky, and the only reason to move forward with it is to secure a clear diagnosis.) Right now, based on the MRI, scans and her symptoms, the neurosurgeon feels that there really isn't anything else that fits as a diagnosis.

Our learning curve is steep; not just in learning how to be of help to her, but to advocate for her in the best way possible. The emotional buffeting never really stops, either, moreso for Bearded Brewer than for me. We are trying to think of ways to have Thanksgiving together, and to enjoy some time as a family.

I cling to the promises of Scripture and thank God for each new day that we have as a family. Truthfully, I don't know what else to do. I look to the evening sky and speak words of faith and hope and love. Last summer, I took this picture one evening at the beach. It says "faith" to me because the longer I watched, the more layers of clouds and colors and beauty I could see. Life is like that. The first glance, the first impression of life, often does not hold all of the promise and power that God has packed into it...

My God is there....

I will praise you, Lord, among the nations;
I will sing of you among the peoples.
For great is your love, reaching to the heavens;
your faithfulness reaches to the skies.
Be exalted, O God, above the heavens;
let your glory be over all the earth.
Psalm 57:9-11

Friday Five: Friday the 13th

2009-11-13T10:06:00.005-05:00

Sophia at RevGals writes:

The fear of Friday the 13th is called paraskevidekatriaphobia, a word derived from the concatenation of the Greek words Paraskeví (Παρασκευή) (meaning Friday), and dekatreís (δεκατρείς) (meaning thirteen), attached to phobía (φοβία) (meaning fear). The term triskaidekaphobia derives from the Greek words "tris", meaning 'three', "kai", meaning 'and', and "deka", meaning 'ten'. the whole word means three and ten. The word was derived in 1911 and first appeared in a mainstream source in 1953. (Wikipedia) With thanks to my dear spouse TechnoGuy for the great suggestion, it's a Friday the 13th Friday Five!

1. How is this Friday the 13th looking for you? Rainy, windy and hip deep in reading and writing a paper. Actually the number 13 makes me think of the character "13" on House played by Olivia Wilde.

2. Have you ever had anything unlucky happen on Friday the 13th? Not that I can remember.

3. Did your family of origin embrace or scorn superstitions? Oh, pretty much scorn them. It comes from being raised in a family of scientists. (For instance, my dad poo-poo'ed the studies on saccharin because of the "wimpy Canadian rats.")

4. Are there any unique or amusing ones from your family, region, or ethnic background? I recall that my great-grandmother believed that if a baby's first tooth was a bottom one, then they would grow to adulthood, but if the first tooth was a top one, the baby would "grow down to the grave." In fact, my parents neglected to mention that when they wrote to announce "baby's first tooth" and this concerned my great-grandmother! With subsequent babies, they always let her know that it was the bottom tooth!

5. Do you love or hate horror movies like "Friday the 13th"? That would be a "no thank you!!!" I have too vivid an imagination.

You didn't ask for one, but here's a BONUS answer: During my school years, I always planned my "Friday the 13th" outfit so that I was wearing green. The maxim was "wear green for luck" and if you did not comply, you got pinched! Anyone else have that experience??

Let it Rain, Dear

2009-11-12T21:09:00.008-05:00

Today's weather was a blustery, cold rainy day. I managed to stay home and work on school. (There ARE perks for school on-line!) I remember a couple of Novembers when it was cold and nasty, and I would end my day with a two hour marching band rehearsal... Yes. In the cold and the rain. First I had to slog across campus and get into marching gear. Then I had to march the new show's drill, regardless of the weather, outside on the practice field. And yes, when we were standing at attention, you could not shift or move, or try to stop the rain from running down the brim of your hat and down your shirt. I would go home, chilled to the bone, grateful for a warm dinner and a hot shower.

Many days as I would cross the Oval to head for my noon class, I would time it so that I could hear the day's selection from the chime ringers. One person at a time, (usually organ majors from the music school,) would throw the levers and play traditional chime tunes, and for fun they would always play a song that was a joke. Sometimes it was a theme from an upcoming show in the music school. It was something to look forward to, regardless of the weather. The chimes would end with the school's alma mater, Carmen Ohio. (The uninformed among you think that this tune is a hymn. That would be incorrect.)

Orton Hall, The Ohio State University web photo

One particularly nasty rainy day, the chimes ringer played tunes that related to the weather. The one that absolutely cracked me up was "Raindrops Keep Fallin' on my Head," and the crowd started to really grow when he played "MacArthur Park." There were probably fifty or so of us, standing in the rain, waiting for him to come out at the end of the quarter hour, and we applauded and cheered. (And yes we were late for class. But no matter.)

So in the grand tradition of "music you don't want to hear on a rainy day" I thought I'd start a list. Feel free to add to my list in the comments...

Raindrops Keep Fallin' on my Head
Let a Smile be your Umbrella
I Wish it Would Rain
Rainy Days and Mondays Always Get me Down
Ark-y, Ark-y
April Showers
I Can See Clearly Now the Rain is Gone
MacArthur Park
Blue Eyes Cryin' in the Rain
Over the Rainbow
Here comes that Rainy Day feeling again
It's Raining Men
The Rain in Spain
10,000 Maniacs Rainy Day
and...
Stormy Weather

Deb

Oh - P.S. Row, Row, Row your Boat!

I Wish You Enough...

2009-11-12T00:09:00.001-05:00

Reverend Mommy pointed me to this website which worth visiting.

This poem alone is worth the trip to read the rest of the article. I think I will do some kind of video or photo blog with this "some day" but today I have Greek and a paper and "life" to do instead. I'm posting the words because I like the attitude and the heart of God I read through them.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Goodbye."

Just feeling very blessed and grateful...
because God has given me "more than enough"...

Deb

Thoughts on vengeance and righteous anger...

2009-11-11T08:36:00.003-05:00

I have been trying to sort all of this out in a way that makes sense... and (fair warning!) I'm not there yet.

Last night the mastermind of the "DC Sniper Attacks," John Allen Mohammed, died by lethal injection in a penitentiary in Virginia. I well remember the discomfort and fear we experienced for several weeks in October of 2002. I was one of the "human shields" between the parking lot and the elementary school, to allow kids to run safely into the building from their parents' cars. I studied the school-to-home memos on "how to talk to your kids..." (as if there were any way to talk about it!) My kids did not have any field trips that fall. We pumped gas, unloaded groceries, and walked in public areas with an uneasy feeling, looking over our shoulders. Other than our back yard with its tall wooden fence, our kids did not play outside.

So I remember the feelings and experiences...

We did not know anyone personally who was killed by the attacks, but their faces and stories were plastered on the news. I could understand the rage and anger of the victims' families. The snipers were bragging about their exploits. They did not deny their part...

And yet when I read that Mohammed "peacefully drifted off to sleep" I wondered if this were really justice. Yes a convicted killer was now dead. But his death was a known entity - the date and time were established ahead of time. There was no terror. There was no shock. There was no fear. Yet this is "justice."

My struggle with capital punishment is from a moral and a philosophical view. I don't believe "might makes right." I don't know if killing a killer settles the score. I don't have answers to the question of whether his death by injection satisfies the rage and pain and loss of the families who have been devastated in his killing spree.

There are some things that just won't sit well with me this side of heaven...

Deb

Multi-tasking...

2009-11-10T20:56:00.003-05:00

I have been pondering whether my ability to multi-task is a good thing. Sometimes it allows me to be efficient and do two jobs at once. (For instance, watching TV and folding laundry, particularly matching socks!) But sometimes both tasks get the short end of the stick.

Today I blew the leaves into piles in our yard and then began to prepare them for composting, all the while listening to my Greek vocabulary on my headphones. I was making great progress until I noticed that the Greek recording had suddenly stopped... just as I poured a load of leaves into the compost bag!

Somehow, my faithful old iPod headphone cable had gotten tangled, come unplugged from the device... and, you guessed it... it fell under all those leaves... I had to dump out the full bag, and then dig around to find it, and then re-rake and re-stuff the bag. The good news is that I got my slightly dirty iPod back. The bad news is I had to rake the same pile twice.

I can laugh at myself for this stupidity. But at the same time, I begrudged the time wasted digging for my iPod, re-raking and re-piling the leaves.

Did I really need to try and study while I raked leaves? Couldn't I have just enjoyed the breeze and the clouds and birds? And did I really make that much headway on my Greek? I was short-changing myself on both.

I guess I do the same thing when I try to live in the middle without committing. I try to "have it all." And in doing so, I get little to nothing.

So. I'm trying to be more selective in my multi-tasking. If you see me with a far-away look in my eyes when I should be paying attention, just remind me.

How's about those leaves, Deb?