The Model Seminarian (Reprise!)

It seems ONLY fitting! I am reposting this ditty from my first semester at Regent. 
23 days until graduation!



The
Model
Seminarian

With apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan
and "The Pirates of Penzance"
(but please feel free to sing along!)

I............
am the very model of a modern seminarian
I've information critical of languages grammarian
I know the verb and tenses of languages antiquarian
And quote from Aramaic and now even some Sumarian..



I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters analytical
I parse and line my Greek, both the simple and emphatical
I read my ancient Hebrew text with understanding little
Though profs tell me I must attend to every jot and tittle!


Though profs tell her she must attend to every jot and tittle!
Though profs tell her she must attend to every jot and little tittle!

I know biblical history, from Aristotle to McLaren
I've know all methods, points and sermons capable of reaching 'em
I hobnob with all leaders in the field of missiology
And hold my own regardless of one's view on eschatology


I'm very good at ancient earth and natural theology
I am the one who can defend most facts of anthropology
In short, in matters dogmatic or egalitarian
I am the very model of a modern seminarian!


In short, in matters dogmatic, or egalitarian
She is the very model of a modern seminarian!








With all my holy knowledge I'm quite plucky and adventure-y
My Call has not been questioned since the starting of the century
But still, in matters dogmatic, or egalitarian
I am the very model of a modern seminarian!


But still, in matters dogmatic, or egalitarian
She is the very model of a modern seminarian!

YES! I am the very model of a modern seminarian!

I've been humming it all day...
Deb

ALL THAT'S LEFT...

The final uphill climb begins...  This is ALL that is left to be DONE!!!!!  

Back to school

Sunset, Harbor Island, SC

It's sunset time for Academia... I'm back in the swing of my LAST semester of seminary. (Can I get an AMEN?) It's a good feeling and yet a bit surreal.

Before the semester gets going full blast, I finally finished writing the reflective essay that accompanies my CPE application. I think that if I were in my 20s instead of (ahem) something higher, it wouldn't have taken as long. There was a lot to write about! The ministry is my third "career" and degree program. All those years of thinking "women can't be pastors" really kinda mucked with my life journey. But in a way, it's all good. I've had some time to deal with junk in my life, see our girls through a lot of their school years, and take a wild faith journey. It was gratifying to re-think my spiritual and vocational journeys as I wrote my background essay.

I've gone back to Brennan Manning for my devotional reading (as well as reading through the NT letters) and am finishing up my re-read of The Ragamuffin Gospel. I truly love his writing. He and Anne Lamott and Henri Nouwen help me keep things real and fresh.

In today's reading I came across two quotes which were thought-provoking:

"When a tornado comes tearing down the street, it is not time to stop and smell the flowers. Let go of the good old days that never were -- a regimented church you never attended, traditional virtues you never practiced, legalistic obedience you never honored, and a sterile orthodoxy you never accepted. The old era is done. The decisive inbreak of God has happened." (page 110)

and

"Most of us postpone a decision hoping that Jesus will get weary of waiting and the inner voice of Truth will get laryngitis. Thus, the summons of the crisis parables remains suspended in a state of anxiety, so long as we opt neither for nor against the new dimension of living open to us. Our indecision creates more problems than it solves. Indecision means we stop growing for an indeterminate length of time; we get stuck. With the paralysis of analysis, the human spirit begins to shrivel. The conscious awareness of our resistance to grace and the refusal to allow God's love to make us who we really are brings a sense of oppression. Our lives become fragmented, inconsistent, lacking in harmony and out of sync. The worm turns. The felt security of staying in a familiar place vanishes. We are caught between a rock and a hard place. How do we resolve this conundrum? We don't. We cannot will ourselves to accept grace..." (page 113)

The first quote was just one of those obvious ones -- reminding me that a faith that matters is a faith that moves and deals with life in one of those "where the rubber meets the road" moments.

The second one is probably an encapsulation of the last few years while I've been in seminary. I've been pushed to leave some old, comfortable, well-established religious opinions and grind out some new ones. And where I can't find some way to articulate the changing aspects of faith, to be willing to not concretize something that is not yet fully formed. But in any case, to be willing to be UNstuck by letting God's irresistible love wash me onward.

Onward, kicking down the rubble, pulling out of the mud pits... here I go. Another year. Another reminder of God's faithfulness.

worth re-reading...

When I left full-time ministry when our first-born was a baby, one of the books that my Beloved Bearded Spouse gave me to read was Henri Nouwen's The Road to Daybreak. It is one of those books that I pull out from time to time to make sure that I have kept my "ministry compass" pointing north.

I re-read it recently and was amused to find this quote with the date of April 2006 - the month I found out that I was accepted into divinity school...

I feel a tension within me. I have only a limited number of years left for active ministry. Why not use them well? Yet one word spoken with a pure heart is worth thousands spoken in a state of spiritual turmoil. Time given to inner renewal is never wasted. God is not in a hurry.

There are zillion things (OK, maybe only half a zillion!) that I dream of being able to do for God as I finish my degree and begin working in ministry... and yet what is more important in the long run is the continued work of inner renewal in my heart.

I am grateful I serve a merciful, compassionate God!

Deb

A milestone!

It seems like it has taken me forever to get this far, but today I registered for my last semester of classes at seminary. It's been a four year journey, one that has definitely changed me and the goals I had set when I started this.

The process I've gone through didn't happen quickly. Or easily. There have been many days where I was ready to just toss it all and go get a job in retail somewhere, or write the Next Great American Novel. (Who knows? I may still do that, some day!) But over time and with a lot of support and encouragement from my family and friends, we have finally reached this milestone.

In some respects, I am much the same person. And in others, I know that I have changed. I still have unanswered questions and concerns, but I have assurance that I will understand the what/why/when/how some day. But more than anything, I have indeed "seen the goodness of the Lord."

I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.

Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

Psalm 27:13-14 (NIV)

Taking the other road...

Instead of obsessing about my paper (due this evening), I blew it off to go see Star Trek with my husband and kids. I know, I know. Just about everyone else has seen it. What can I say?

At any rate, mission accomplished. We saw it in the itty-bitty theatre at the multi-plex, a sure sign that it was about to leave the theaters. It was grand. Enjoyable. Altruistic. Funny. And had enough of that Star Trek ethos to make me happy.

The paper got submitted with 30 minutes to spare. I probably missed some typos and didn't get my Turabian formatted 100% correctly. But quite honestly, I don't mind.

Now, if I could drop the angst on this Church History final that's next weekend (and for which I have not studied, not even one paragraph or dateline) that'd be... perfection.

But I'll settle for a B.

typed out

It's springtime in DC and I am so ready for...

...no more papers
...sleeping in
...leisure reading
...a day off
...the semester to be over

What's left?
2 research papers, 15-20 pages EACH
2 exegetical outlines from one of the Gospels
0 systematic theology essays
0 books on pastoral theology (book reports)
3 reflective essays
0 sacramental doctrine essay

I figured it out. I have only 10 "big" research papers left in my master's degree before I graduate. Wooo hooooOOOOO!

Celebrating the little things...
Deb

home...

I am glad to be home. There's a lot to do in the next several weeks. I'm either going to blog like crazy or be deep in a pile of reading, writing, editing and freaking out.

I do have pictures to share from the trip to Providence... will get them up soon.

For now I'm reflecting and praying about life and everything else. Including why I'm signing up for summer classes when I am feeling overwhelmed with this semester...

I just want this to be done and over with...

Deb

Matthew 7:1-5

So...
here's the graphic I used for my sermon assignment for school... I'm either really tired or it's funny.


Or both...

Care to weigh in???

Here's the assignment...


Final Paper: submit 3000-4000 word research paper, with the following features:

a) on one of the following doctrines: the Trinity, the incarnation, the fall, total depravity, an aspect of the atonement—propitiation, expiation, substitution, ransom, etc.—original sin or some other related doctrine—approved by your professor.

b) include separate sections on your theological method, biblical perspectives and historical development.

c) identify what difference, if any, a renewal or pneumatological approach makes for this doctrine.

d) reflect on how Christian beliefs make a difference for Christian practices & vice versa.

e) discuss other related issues, raise critical questions, respond creatively and constructively to disputed matters.

SOOOO....

I'm all ears...

What would be a good topic? One that's not just seminary bs?? I am tired of papers that pluck gnat's eyebrows, if you catch my drift. It would be nice to take a contemporary issue relating to one of these themes and at least enjoy the research. (Is that a dream?)

One caveat is that this prof assigned us Grudem's Systematic Theology as a textbook (blarg) so I can't throw my feminism too pointedly in his face. Though I can certainly do some arguments which raise a feminist point of view.

Since Henry has decided the discussion of this whole project is far to soporific, I await your collective wisdom.

Deb

Wish I'd had this BEFORE my final!

Wish I'd had this BEFORE my final!

Hat tip to Sophia... : )

Deb

Here's encouraging news...

As part of the "bubble" of "older" Americans (gee THANKS!) I find it invigorating that I am not obsolete. I have a voice and life experience that are needed. After being told (more than once) that I need to let "younger voices" speak, and being ignored in favor of younger (male) voices, I find that I have the God-given capacity to reach unchurched people who are in a lifestage past lattes and before Centrum Silver.

It's encouraging.
It's challenging.
It's why I'm still in seminary.
It's why my voice will not be silenced.
It's why I am losing patience with the last bastions of decision-makers who are not affirming of diversity in the Body of Christ.
It's why I am thinking I need to learn Spanish...

Read more about it HERE!

Deb

In the morning...

Satisfy us in the morning with Your steadfast love,
that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.
Make us glad for as many days as You have afflicted us,
and for as many years as we have seen evil.
Let your work be shown to Your servants,
and Your glorious power to their children.
Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us,
and establish the work of our hands upon us;
yes establish the work of our hands!
[Psalm 90:14-17]

This Psalm came to mind as I saw the morning sun sift through the needs on the evergreen outside my study window. The pairing of light and shade, sunlight and shadow reminded me of the duality of the circumstances I walk in every day...
...a citizen of two worlds
...a wife and a mom
...a student and a friend
...a woman and a pastor

Sometimes I forget as I start my day that the moments and the minutes ahead of me are given, directed and ordained by God. All of them. Even the ones that make me rejoice, cry, laugh, or hurt. The experiences that show God's power over all circumstances, even though the present picture is pretty bleak.

My prayer today as I hit the books yet again is that God would establish the work of my hands...

Deb

Becoming Benedictine...

In my Church History class, we had to write a reflective essay on the ways that The Rule of St. Benedict could positively impact the Church today. Some of my classmates (in our on-line asynchronous discussion) were appalled because of their strong Catho-phobe stance. I really gained a lot from considering what The Rule might offer...

What first got my attention was actual a little "light reading" I'm doing -- Joan Chittister's book "Wisdom Distilled from the Daily: Living the Rule of St. Benedict Today."* She makes a strong case for learning how to renew and rekindle the spiritual disciplines, not as "rules" but as "means" of deepening our faith and our love for God. I especially liked her admonition to modern and post-modern Christians who seem to obsess over the latest "spiritual gadgetry than numbs our confusions but never fills our spirits or frees or hearts." (*That's not "light reading?" don't laugh -- I'm in seminary -- anything that isn't a required text qualifies!)

I see a parallel - the "rule" followed to imply spiritual devotion and piety vs. today's high-guilt performance anxiety. I've been a part of the "high guilt" groups... memorize this and do that and sign here and teach that... I don't think I will ever go back! And, the subculture that seems to infect much of modern Christianity is no less bound in "rules" than the time of Benedict, however cool and trendy and open-minded we think we are.

Anyway... here's three short "rules" I'm trying to use in my faith walk...

1. Actions vs. words: “We are heard not for our much speaking, [sic] but for our purity of heart and tears of contrition” Times of silence, meditation, prayer, fasting... for me, it helps bring my heart into alignment with God's. It's a space made for a major attitude adjustment.
2. Live unselfishly: “All things shall be common to all…” Christmas is coming. Dare I suggest a "buy-free" holiday? Will I remember that there are millions of people who are truly "needy" and there is little I really "need?" Can I continue to wrestle with this desire for "things" that replace God in my use of my time, talents and treasure??
3. Serve willingly: “Let no one in the monastery follow his own inclinations." This isn't to say we need to get into some kind of "High Shepherding" church... or to only do the things "pastor says..." I'm not trying to campaign for demagoguery. I'm thinking about how I am unexcited about the "invisible" acts of service that no one but God knows about. The way I will find "anyone" (else) to take on a chore or (dare I say it?) head a committee. The theme song of the Church and my service in it probably shouldn't be Sinatra ("I did it MY way.")

Chittister has one more quote I'd like to offer...
“Benedictine spirituality… teaches people to see the world as good, their needs as legitimate, and human support as necessary;” it requires seeing our lives in a “wide angle lens;” we can’t separate the spiritual from the physical. Truthfully? Even though we say we believe this, we don't really live it.

thoughtfully...

Deb

Note to self...

Note to self:

DO NOT
repeat...
DO NOT
leave Church History class #2 for my last semester in seminary...

Because I will surely never graduate.

Gad, this is boring. And I have a page to go to meet my page requirements. (And no... I can't fudge the font or the page margins.)

I guess someone out there finds all this thrilling and intriguing. May I just say...
...eh.

Deb

Back to School...

SIGH....
It's official.

Summer is over and the time for the typing of papers has come.

I'd rather be beaching. Ah well...

Deb

Feminist Kitteh

Somehow, this one seems appropriate since my Feminist Theology paper is done...


more cat pictures

...by the way...

Gad, I am an idiot.
200 pages into my day this all becomes quite clear to me...

It is NEVER a good sign when your prof says (after reading your proposal for a paper topic) "well THAT will be a very interesting and challenging paper!")

It would be much better for them to say, "your paper will bore my socks off and will be a piece of cake for you. Here's your A+."

RriiiiiiigghhhhTTT!

pressure, pressure and more pressure

I am not big on "scrapbook" type projects for school. I've had them in both of my previous degrees (grad and undergrad) and as near as I can tell, it's so that the prof can feel like she/he has taught you something. But instead, you end up with a lovely "project" which is supposed to be a "resource" and becomes a piece of clutter. You worked so hard on it. You won't use it because it is either immediately out-of-date or it's in a format that is not intuitive for you to use.

For instance...

In undergrad, I had to put together a file card box of books, music and other resources for music education. Every semester I had to add to it. Each card had to have the "call number" (even though none of the public libraries used anything but Dewey at the time.) Hours and HOURS of running index cards through a typewriter. By the time I graduated and found a job, the box was out of date and/or the resources were not available to a public school teacher in small town Ohio. I finally threw it away when we moved to this house in 1996... (I won't tell you how many moves it survived before I tossed it...)

During my (first) masters, I had to "write a grant" for a community treatment facility that was focused around the discipline of music therapy. Never mind that the health insurance industry was moving away from making music therapy a reimbursable service. Never mind that Medicare considered music therapy a "recreational" discipline, not a therapeutic modality. No. We had to justify ourselves, our profession and our livelihood for the competitive, non-profit grant community. Riiiiiight...

So this semester... I am putting together a "resource notebook" for mentoring. The problem is, the professor leans way more conservatively on women's "roles" than I do. SO I have to walk the line between what I would do in my ministry setting, and what she wants. For instance, I have to include stylized note-taking pages from the assigned texts (FIVE of them.) Four of the books I would never EVER use. One of them is pretty "iffy." And I don't have a "file" where I keep "notes" on books. (Should I? That's another question...) You'll know if I like a book because I will have sticky notes all over the pages!

This. is. nuts. Oh... did I mention? There's the "creative, intuitive organization" requirement. In a binder. GAAAaaaahhhhh!!!!!

I have given up making this "something to use in a future ministry setting." Right now, I just want to be DONE with it and move on to the next class.

Maybe it's because I've done this dance before...
Maybe it's because I'm an older student and I'm not as awed by professors...
Maybe it's because I'm in seminary while I'm IN ministry and the things they are convinced will be so "applicable" are not...

Sorry for whining. I'll eat my spinach and shut up now....

Deb

Bunkered

See you in a few weeks...

BECAUSE... it's the end of the semester!!!
I've got 2 papers due.

The kids are away at camp or with friends this week and it's prime writing time.

My beloved spouse is dealing with a bunkered down wife in the piles of journal articles and books.

Back when the dust settles and the last papers are emailed...

and THEN??? It's time to CHILL OUT for the summer!!!

:)
Deb