More than a friend for the journey

I don't blog about him enough...

My closest friend for the journey is my Beloved Bearded Spouse. I guess I don't write about him a lot because he's an introvert and I don't want to shove him "out there" into the blogosphere. But there is no way I could do this adventure I am on without him.

For example...
In less than 24 hours he has...

• ...managed the home front (I had meetings from 8-2:30)
• ...did troubleshooting on the wireless router (what IS it doing???)
• ...reminded me that it was time for supper (I forget when I am "on task")
• ...joined me for a casual chat with M&K
• ...prepared the coffee autopot for the morning (ahhhhh)
• ...set the alarm for me (something I often forget to do and frequently goof up)
• ...herded the kids to church on time (no easy feat, even if they DO dress and get breakfast by themselves!)
• ...corralled the kids and got them home for lunch (45 minutes ahead of me!)
• ...and now he's off doing his son-ly duties when he really wants a nap...

Then there's the numerous times he has...

• ...covered things at home when I am involved in ministry.
• ...handled the TOTAL home life while I am traveling, or at modular week at school.
• ...give me a (small) dropkick to go to the doctor because I am sick.
• ...living with and loving my family of many loud, happy folks when he comes from a small quiet one.

Not to mention...

• ...the long talks, with me venting and him philosophizing on what it is that has me REALLY ticked
• ...finding resources or ideas for me when I am stumped on research
• ...making me see possibly a more *balanced* view than my emo one (as if!)
• ...taking a stand for me, with me when I feel attacked
• ...reminding me that the "best things" in life are usually right here. Not "out there."
• ...giving fantabulous backrubs!

I think I'm blessed. Wait. I take that back. I KNOW I am.

So thanks, love...
Deb

The "Big Ten" - Updated!

It seems that nothing can be explained simply any more. At least, not and have it make sense with a new century's cultural filter in place. I have been reading several books which are post-modern in their thinking (Rob Bell's Velvet Elvis and Sex God among them.)

Curiously, his writing did not seem as far out to me as I had thought it would be.

Radical, yes. Implausible? No...

So with that in mind... when I read the following my first reaction was... Hmmm... makes sense!

Douglas Taylor-Weiss, once suggested a version of the Ten Commandments based on today's culture:

1. Have a good day.

2. Shop.

3. Eliminate pain.

4. Be up-to-date.

5. Relax.

6. Express yourself.

7. Have a happy family.

8. Be entertaining.

9. Be entertained.

10. Buy entertainment.

Yeah. That about says it all!
Deb

Lessons in Silence, Part Two

I have a paper to finish, but this has to get written because it keeps inserting itself into my exegetical summary... which is most annoying! And since I am obviously not of a Turabian mind at the moment herewith is...

LESSONS IN SILENCE, PART TWO

I mentioned my short journey into silence this week here at Dayspring Retreat Center. There is another part to this story that has had me pondering with thankfulness.

My good friend Dana, fellow seminarian, Emmaus sponsor, prayer partner and all-round wonderful woman was unexpectedly also a participant at the silent retreat. What a shock (and a joy) to walk onto the porch of the retreat center and see her! After we laughed and hugged and laughed some more, I felt a touch from God that was a clear reminder, "See. I know what you need." Yes. We spent the day in silence together. But knowing that she was around on the 200+ acres, also walking and talking with Jesus was just a delight to my heart. (This is Dana goofing around with "The Harpist" during Chick Week at the Beach.)

As I walked around the property, I spent a lot of time just listening to the sound of my footsteps blending with the beauty around me. I spent some time at the top of a hill overlooking a pond. There was no breeze, just blue sky, clouds, buzzards floating overhead, me, and God. I was wishing I had my camera when I had one of those "eureka" moments... (I snagged this picture from the Dayspring website... next time, I take my camera!)

Part of the pond was obscured by the hill.
Part of it was covered with a scum of algae.
And part of it, I could see a perfect reflection of the trees along one bank of the pond.

That's my life.
There's stuff I can't see clear to understand - the part that was obscured.
There's part of my life I know and understand PERFECTLY - the part that is a perfect reflection... where God is seen and known in my life.
There's part that is visible, but clouded by whatever life has caused to block the reflection. Sin. Mine. Others. We get in the way and we don't see what God is doing. (And sometimes, algae stinks!!)

I wrote this in my journal as I sat there...

It can be a swirl of noise,
tasks, people, and assignments...
It's meant to be a holy service.
For God and Him only.

Yet...
There is posturing.
Sounded "edumacated."
Elocution, diction and grammar.
A public "face" that covers pain.
Expectations and prejudice.
Self-righteousness and protectionism.

Lord...
I know that is NOT what You want!

Show me the balance...
...of confidently resting
my Call in You
...of humbly accepting
Your direction and correction.

I believe in what You
ask me to do.
I long to be in that place
You have called me to.
I wrestle with waiting
until You move...
until Your appointed time comes...

Yes.
Lord.
I breathe.
I listen.
I hear and obey.

September 5, 2007

There's more brewing. Maybe it'll blog.

Deb

doing trifles

It is better to do the most trifling thing in the world than to regard half an hour as trifle.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Today has been a day of errands, grocery shopping and laundry. Trifles. And yet not.
I am renewed in ways I did not even see...

thank you, Lord!

Friday Five: On Overcoming

Sally from RevGalBlogPals writes:

I am preparing this Friday 5 just before I take Chris into hospital for a cardioversion, right now we are all a little apprehensive. But this whole thing has got me thinking, so many of us are overcomers in one way or another, so many have amazing stories to tell of God's faithfulness in adversity. And so I bring you this Friday 5...

1.Have you experienced God's faithfulness at a difficult time? Tell as much or as little as you like...
Many, MANY times God has been there in the hard places. A broken engagement. A church staff position which was so disastrous for me that I was convinced I had no gifting for public ministry. The death of my father. Worries during health scares. Struggling with life decisions.

In each situation, just at the right time, God gave a picture, or a snippet of a Bible verse, a phrase of a song. And, as I needed it most, friends to listen and walk beside me through me. (Some of you are reading this - you know who you are... thanks again for being faithful!)

2. Have you experienced a dark night of the soul, if so what brought you through?

Resting. Waiting. At times, ceasing from my usual pursuits and activities in order to hear God more clearly. Pouring out my heart in writing, and in song at the piano. Many boxes of tissues and good chocolate!

3. Share a Bible verse, song, poem that has brought you comfort?

It's a toss-up between "Haven't got time for the pain" by Carly Simon and "The Valley Song" by Jars of Clay. Here's part of the lyrics...

Carly:
Suffering was the only thing that made me feel I was alive
Though that's just how much it cost to survive in this world
'Til you showed me how, how to fill my heart with love
How to open up and drink in all that white LIGHT
Pouring down from the heaven
I haven't got time for the pain
I haven't got room for the pain
I haven't the need for the pain
Not since I've known you...

Jars of Clay
When death like a Gypsy comes to steal what I love
I will still look to the heavens I will still seek your face

But I fear you aren't listening because there are no words
Just the stillness and the hunger for a faith that assures

I will sing of Your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy

4. Is "why suffering" a valid question?

If it isn't, then a whole bunch of folks in the Bible must not be "biblical"! Start with Job... David... Jeremiah... even the Pharisees (when they weren't being duplicitous...) I would say that the human race has always experienced it and always will until Jesus comes back!

5. And on a lighter note- you have reached the end of a dark and difficult time- how are you going to celebrate?

Same way I made it through - with songs, people and chocolate!
Deb

Lessons in silence... part 1

I had a wonderful day yesterday at Dayspring Retreat Center. Though I have been there before, I was again surprised at the quiet and peace that fell on me as I parked my car. Walking from the parking area to the Lodge where the retreat started, I heard just the "noise" of quiet and the wind in the trees.

The scenery was quiet and peaceful, but my mind was anything BUT! As I told the Spiritual Director, Dick, before we entered into the silence, "I'm confused, I'm angry and I'm hear to shut up and listen." In a gentle way, he validated my feelings and encouraged me to "leave them" somewhere out in the 200 acres of the retreat center's property, so that I could indeed hear God.

In our opening session, Dick read from Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning. Manning's words encouraged us to allow the One who abandoned all to engage us in relationship. That God was totally trustworthy. That He not only understood our fears, feelings and failings, but wanted to help us walk out of them. And then he read a pithy quote from Henry Nouwen:

"The root choice is to trust at all times that God is with you and will give you what you most need." (from The Inner Voice of Love)

Trust.
Listen.
Walk with Me.

Yeah. A powerful start.

I walked out into the meadow, which had mowed paths through and around it in a kind of natural, grassy maze. I watched goldfinches feast on thistle seed maturing on the stalks. A couple of buzzards floated overhead. Milkweed pods, fat and green and brown, ready to explode And there were butterflies everywhere!

A monarch butterfly landed on one milkweed pod. In the instant that its feet touched the pod, it burst! The seeds floated out in the breeze and the butterfly hovered for a moment before returning to the spent pod. In that instant, I had one of my God pictures for the day...

When it is time -- when I am ready (at full "maturity") the pod will burst. The dreams and preparation and hard work will spill out. God's intentions will be clear and I will move into His work. Nothing will stop them. Not prejudice, or bad theology. And when it's time, I won't be able to wait or pass the job to someone else. This chick will be let loose and won't look back.

In the mean time? Papers. Projects. Internship. Laundry and kids. Husband. Church. Friends. All in the pod with me. It is a little crowded. But the time will come...

POOF!

I'm just getting ready.

...more later.

Thanks for listening...

Deb

Silence...

the top of Mt. Zugspitz, Bavaria (Germany)

I am on a silent retreat
through Thursday morning...
back atcha then...
Deb

My soul, wait in silence for God only,
For my hope is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold;
I shall not be shaken.
On God my salvation and my glory rest;
The rock of my strength,
my refuge is in God.
Trust in Him at all times, O people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us.
Psalm 62:5-8

There are times...

There are times...
...that I want to respectfully, (in a Spirit-led way, of course,) chuck my Bible right at their pig-headed complementarian heads.

I should know better. When the "supportive" statements start with a gender-based qualifier or explanation, I should not expect an ally in the Call to the pastorate.

And that is all I'm sayin'...

d

A Good Word

"When we have no margin and our limits have been exceeded, when we are besieged by stress and overload; when our relational life is ailing, when it seems the flood of events is beyond our control; then problems take on a different dimension. One at a time they are perhaps manageable. But they just won't stand in line. Instead, they mound up suddenly and then bury us without warning."

Margin by Richard A. Swenson, M.D. (p.42)

Balance.
Breathing room.
Space.
Rest.
Chill time.

I am not someone who likes to waste time, who likes to kill time, who likes to do nothing. I like to DO!!! I see space on my schedule and I either get sidetracked doing the least important, or the most visible task in front of me. Rarely do I kick back and just mellow out.

Part of the reason this is true is because I've been told I was "born busy" with places to go and people to see. Part of it is also my self-imposed "need" to prove myself. And the rest of it? I don't like being bored. So I will fill up the space with activity.

Reading Swenson's book though, has been a necessary evil for me. I really need to evaluate why I do what I do, and if it is the wisest use of the 24 hours God gives me every day. It is a good thing to make time for... kind of like making a budget or rotating the tires on the car. Smart people plan ahead. Random people live for the next crisis. And some of us, especially us pastors or pastor-wannabe types, drag our unsuspecting spouse, family, friends and yes, even our church, along with us.

We think "fix it!" or "make it better" when maybe we need to step back and say, "hmmmm... was this smart to do in the FIRST place?" I wonder how much time I have spent on things that do not matter... or were never mine to worry about in the first place? I wonder why I have felt this compulsion to DO all of this stuff...

I learned a lot last semester when I thought about plans, goals, mission and vision. Having to refine my life's mission and vision, when I don't exactly know how this will all shake out has been unnerving. Even overwhelming. It was as though I have been writing on the pages of my life and never stopped to figure out what chapter I was on, or where the plot was going. (Not that I have to know everything... but I need to at least be sure I'm writing with the right color of ink!!!)

Today has time for doing nothing. I "helped" the cat take a nap. I "watched" the sprinkler water the flowers. I am spending a few "think cycles" on nothing. Listening. Sorting. Waiting.

Yeah, there's papers to write and projects undone. But today, my margins need re-defining. So If I don't answer your emails or phone calls, it's nothing personal. Honest! I'm just outlining the margins that need to come back into my life.

Slowly.
Thoughtfully.
The whirlwind can wait... because I never get it right when I don't stop and listen...

God said this once and for all;
how many times
Have I heard it repeated?
"Strength comes
Straight from God."
Psalm 62:11

Deb

Where my brother was today...

Ohio State 38
Youngstown State 6

GO BUCKS!

P.S. Michigan lost to Appalachian State!