Lessons in Silence, Part Two

I have a paper to finish, but this has to get written because it keeps inserting itself into my exegetical summary... which is most annoying! And since I am obviously not of a Turabian mind at the moment herewith is...

LESSONS IN SILENCE, PART TWO

I mentioned my short journey into silence this week here at Dayspring Retreat Center. There is another part to this story that has had me pondering with thankfulness.

My good friend Dana, fellow seminarian, Emmaus sponsor, prayer partner and all-round wonderful woman was unexpectedly also a participant at the silent retreat. What a shock (and a joy) to walk onto the porch of the retreat center and see her! After we laughed and hugged and laughed some more, I felt a touch from God that was a clear reminder, "See. I know what you need." Yes. We spent the day in silence together. But knowing that she was around on the 200+ acres, also walking and talking with Jesus was just a delight to my heart. (This is Dana goofing around with "The Harpist" during Chick Week at the Beach.)

As I walked around the property, I spent a lot of time just listening to the sound of my footsteps blending with the beauty around me. I spent some time at the top of a hill overlooking a pond. There was no breeze, just blue sky, clouds, buzzards floating overhead, me, and God. I was wishing I had my camera when I had one of those "eureka" moments... (I snagged this picture from the Dayspring website... next time, I take my camera!)

Part of the pond was obscured by the hill.
Part of it was covered with a scum of algae.
And part of it, I could see a perfect reflection of the trees along one bank of the pond.

That's my life.
There's stuff I can't see clear to understand - the part that was obscured.
There's part of my life I know and understand PERFECTLY - the part that is a perfect reflection... where God is seen and known in my life.
There's part that is visible, but clouded by whatever life has caused to block the reflection. Sin. Mine. Others. We get in the way and we don't see what God is doing. (And sometimes, algae stinks!!)

I wrote this in my journal as I sat there...

It can be a swirl of noise,
tasks, people, and assignments...
It's meant to be a holy service.
For God and Him only.

Yet...
There is posturing.
Sounded "edumacated."
Elocution, diction and grammar.
A public "face" that covers pain.
Expectations and prejudice.
Self-righteousness and protectionism.

Lord...
I know that is NOT what You want!

Show me the balance...
...of confidently resting
my Call in You
...of humbly accepting
Your direction and correction.

I believe in what You
ask me to do.
I long to be in that place
You have called me to.
I wrestle with waiting
until You move...
until Your appointed time comes...

Yes.
Lord.
I breathe.
I listen.
I hear and obey.

September 5, 2007

There's more brewing. Maybe it'll blog.

Deb

Lessons in silence... part 1

I had a wonderful day yesterday at Dayspring Retreat Center. Though I have been there before, I was again surprised at the quiet and peace that fell on me as I parked my car. Walking from the parking area to the Lodge where the retreat started, I heard just the "noise" of quiet and the wind in the trees.

The scenery was quiet and peaceful, but my mind was anything BUT! As I told the Spiritual Director, Dick, before we entered into the silence, "I'm confused, I'm angry and I'm hear to shut up and listen." In a gentle way, he validated my feelings and encouraged me to "leave them" somewhere out in the 200 acres of the retreat center's property, so that I could indeed hear God.

In our opening session, Dick read from Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning. Manning's words encouraged us to allow the One who abandoned all to engage us in relationship. That God was totally trustworthy. That He not only understood our fears, feelings and failings, but wanted to help us walk out of them. And then he read a pithy quote from Henry Nouwen:

"The root choice is to trust at all times that God is with you and will give you what you most need." (from The Inner Voice of Love)

Trust.
Listen.
Walk with Me.

Yeah. A powerful start.

I walked out into the meadow, which had mowed paths through and around it in a kind of natural, grassy maze. I watched goldfinches feast on thistle seed maturing on the stalks. A couple of buzzards floated overhead. Milkweed pods, fat and green and brown, ready to explode And there were butterflies everywhere!

A monarch butterfly landed on one milkweed pod. In the instant that its feet touched the pod, it burst! The seeds floated out in the breeze and the butterfly hovered for a moment before returning to the spent pod. In that instant, I had one of my God pictures for the day...

When it is time -- when I am ready (at full "maturity") the pod will burst. The dreams and preparation and hard work will spill out. God's intentions will be clear and I will move into His work. Nothing will stop them. Not prejudice, or bad theology. And when it's time, I won't be able to wait or pass the job to someone else. This chick will be let loose and won't look back.

In the mean time? Papers. Projects. Internship. Laundry and kids. Husband. Church. Friends. All in the pod with me. It is a little crowded. But the time will come...

POOF!

I'm just getting ready.

...more later.

Thanks for listening...

Deb