Saturday, November 14, 2009

Between the darkness and the dawn

I think that we are living between the darkness and the dawn. The now and not yet. Between the promised and the fulfillment. Some days I can handle that just fine.

Today is not one of them.

In the last few weeks we have been rocked by a terminal diagnosis in my family. My mother-in-law has a malignant glioma. While she is in excellent company (Edward Kennedy was diagnosed with it, as was Robert Novak) it is still a dim reality to us.

She has elected not to have invasive treatment, nor to allow a biopsy (the surgery is risky, and the only reason to move forward with it is to secure a clear diagnosis.) Right now, based on the MRI, scans and her symptoms, the neurosurgeon feels that there really isn't anything else that fits as a diagnosis.

Our learning curve is steep; not just in learning how to be of help to her, but to advocate for her in the best way possible. The emotional buffeting never really stops, either, moreso for Bearded Brewer than for me. We are trying to think of ways to have Thanksgiving together, and to enjoy some time as a family.

I cling to the promises of Scripture and thank God for each new day that we have as a family. Truthfully, I don't know what else to do. I look to the evening sky and speak words of faith and hope and love. Last summer, I took this picture one evening at the beach. It says "faith" to me because the longer I watched, the more layers of clouds and colors and beauty I could see. Life is like that. The first glance, the first impression of life, often does not hold all of the promise and power that God has packed into it...

My God is there....

I will praise you, Lord, among the nations;
I will sing of you among the peoples.
For great is your love, reaching to the heavens;
your faithfulness reaches to the skies.
Be exalted, O God, above the heavens;
let your glory be over all the earth.
Psalm 57:9-11


KnittinPreacher said...

Prayers for all of you.

Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

Lets hold hands okay?

Deb said...


revdisco said...

I will keep you all in prayers. We are going through this in my family I feel your frustration and sadness.

1-4 Grace said...

Many prayers for your mil and the entire family.
If you get to a point of calling in a hospice, many of them are wonderful with helping.
Also, i am reminded of Tuesday With Morrie. I am not sure how she would feel about it, but I loved having the wake before he died, so he could enjoy it.
And of course, seeing what might be important to her in her remaining time.

it is a heck of a difficult coversation to have, but a very important one too