Advent musing: waiting, longing, wondering...

by Monica Giglio

God has a way of stripping me down to nothing...

- no pretenses
- no roles or responsibilities to hide behind
- no assignments or activities to do
- no people to see or mail to answer

Like bare tree branches in the winter sky, He shows me who I am, and what I need more than anything... And it's not covering my tracks or sticking fake leaves on a tree. It's sitting and looking intently at the shape and structure, the weakness and potential flaws of how I am made. It's learning to be the "tree" that I am.

I find I am restless... I hunger for more.

More of what? Good question.

It's not that I want more activity. It's easy enough to do things. I can FIND a hobby. This longing, I think, is for a purpose, of focused intent and involvement. I don't know what kind of church I will work in... though I know where I would like to be. I don't even know if anyone will hire a mom-turned-seminarian with as many miles as I have behind me...

Right now I feel I'm benched watching other people practicing a blocking drill.

I want to be what God has made me to be...

I've got roots growing down to the water,
I've got leaves growing up to the sunshine,
and the fruit that I bear is a sign of the life in me.
I am shade from the hot summer sundown.
I am nests for the birds of the heavens.
I'm becoming what the Lord of trees has meant me to be:
A strong young tree.
(c) Ken Medema

So right now...
The leaves are falling off and need raking.
And there's some really ugly pruning going on.
And it hurts.

But by and by...
I pray it will all be worth it...

Deb

Advent Musing: When is it "enough"

When have I done ENOUGH?

- shopping

- mailing

- packing

- decorating

- baking

- wrapping

- beribboning

- burning cookies

and... uh...

- complaining?

Apparently, I have done ENOUGH now.

Feeling shrewish (and not very adventish)

Deb

beamed down to earth?

I missed a few days of posting. Blame it on cookie baking, church, Christmas parties and shopping. I don't like being so busy that I can't find my Bible because it is under piles of "things" to do on my desk! YUCK!


However, something came my way this weekend that I am so happy to have received. It's a CD set of the Bible - the WHOLE thing! As I was out "on maneuvers" today I took out Luke and popped it in my car CD player. Wonderful!



We've had a recording of parts of the Bible before. They were... hokey! The recording had "sound effects" behind the Scripture reading. For instance, in the account of The Transfiguration of Christ (Matthew 17) the background noise sounds like a transporter from Star Trek was being activated! It was so ludicrous as to be hilarious!!! This was gimmick-free... well-read, and refreshing. Will it take the place of my own devotional studies? No... but it will help to hear it and put it in the front of my thoughts.


But the "transporter" image has kinda stuck with me today. We forget the process of the Incarnation. A human mother. The Holy Spirit. It wasn't by accident or instantaneous. It was... Life! Not a magic trick. Not a beam-down of Jesus to do a three year walk-about. As crazy as that last sentence sounds, it is more believable than a pregnant virgin.

THAT was indeed a miracle...

musing along the way...

Deb

Advent musing: "Testify"

Jesus

			"I am the way, the truth and the life" Male 33 years old Jerusalem, Israel Last Login: 12/15/2007
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Some of you know I have pages up on MySpace and FaceBook. It's an easy way to keep up with trends and thoughts (and photos) of -- ahem -- "younger" friends. (Besides, I always did like a good Food Fight!)

This morning, however, I was caught off guard when I noted that a couple of my MySpace buddies have "Jesus" as a Top Friend. Actually, as their #1 friend. So... I went and read the person's page. They seem like honest, God-loving types. They don't think that they are divine, just that they worship One who is.

The kicker came when I clicked on the "add as friend" button... and the dialogue box came up:
"do you want to have Jesus as a friend?"

Possibly seen as sacrilegious by some. Possibly seen as fanatical by others. I found it intriguing that the God of the Universe would be portrayed on a MySpace page.

Guess we need to change the words of the hymn:
"Let ev'ry MySpace page prepare Him room..."

Or... maybe not...

Deb

Goofing off?

Am I goofing off?? Or just taking a breather from the hectic pace of life and seminary and interning and parenting and marriage and friends....

I can't seem to get motivated. Christmas is coming. Shopping isn't done. I need baking supplies for a Saturday of cookie baking with Reedy Girl and The Harpist. What I have purchased I need to start wrapping.

And all I can think is... EH.

The pressure during the semester is high, and often intense. Right now my to-do list is blissfully short of MUST do's, and long with COULD do's. And I really don't have the desire to work on either.

I realized that my lackadaisical heart can spill out into my devotional life. I can be a foolish bridesmaid (like the ones in Matthew 25) -- not being diligent. Not really thinking ahead and looking to the day, readying myself for Jesus' return.

At the moment, though, I think it's probably OK if I kick back. Just a little.

Deb

Advent musing... re-discovery

There's a pile of boxes near the basement door tonight. After dinner, Reedy Girl and I went to work on some serious Christmas decorating. The tree has ornaments on it (not just lights! gasp!) and the stockings are up by the chimney. Various creches and angels and critters are here, there are everywhere. And the box of Christmas books was unearthed. (Yes. A box. We are serious about our books around here!)

Every box we opened was a new discovery. There's the ornaments that I have been collecting and giving the girls every year, including some they made when they were much smaller. Or the little things that are fun to see and play with as they are unpacked. A table top is covered with a wooden hand painted village from Germany. Many of these things are not new. They are just RENEWED and NEW as we see them again for the first time in 11 months. Memories of finding them or receiving them for the first time.

Re-reading the Christmas story is like that for me. Mary's humility. Elizabeth's acknowledgment. The prophecy of Simeon and the worship and witness of Anna. Joseph's obedience. Angels saying "do not be afraid"... They are old stories and yet each year they are new...

New and renewed... rediscovered...

and my heart is, too...

Deb

Advent musing: weather vane

Chinon vineyard weathervane
Chinon, France

You can see it was a bright, clear day when we toured the Castle Chinon. That sky is unretouched... it was that postcard-blue!

I was entranced by this weathervane, because the variable breezes we had that day were swinging it from point to point, back and forth. (I almost got left behind because I was busy watching the weathervane and not keeping up with my companions!)

The weathervane doesn't tell you which direction the wind will blow NEXT -- it only tells you right now.

Advent. That time of NOW. Not the future. We know the 'wind' will change. We just don't know when. So we wait. We watch.

Deb

Waiting... wondering...

Sometimes it is very hard to wait...

...to wait for the seasons to change

...to wait for growth to come

...to wait for blossoming promise

...to wait for the fruit to set on

...to wait for the harvest

I have dreams... visions... plans...
I lay them in Your Hands, Father.

Help me not to begrudge the wait.
Help me not to rush Your turning the seasons.
For even out of sight, the vines are preparing
for Your fruit...

I believe.
I wait.
I long for the New Day to dawn.

Deb

Advent Reflection - "done"

My LIST for the semester is DONE! I wish I knew what my grades were, though. I was just about to clear off my desk and joyfully add to the recycling bin, when I realized that "the moment complete, the moment to come" is what Advent is all about.

The semester's assignments are finished and I can start to do all of the other things I wanted to do but haven't done yet for the holidays. "All" I have left are my remaining days of work as an intern for the semester... which I am loving every minute of, by the way...

I am a little restless, though. I want to know my grades on a couple of papers that have been turned in... and it is hard to wait. Part of me wants to incessantly go on-line and view the gradebook. And the rest of me says, "CHILL OUT!"

Advent is like that. We can look ahead anxiously and worry that everything will be an "A+" season. Will the presents get wrapped? Will they be liked? appreciated? Have I forgotten anyone that I need to have a little something for??? And, even though my husband gives me his EXACT list (don't surprise him, just buy the list) isn't there something I can find that he will love??? We can look ahead to the future and miss the moment.

We can long for the return of Jesus and miss the fulfillment of God's promises to us in the Christ Child.

I'm thinking that papers, grades and Advent -- are all kind of the same thing...

Still waiting...
Deb

S'no way!

A dusting... a mere dusting, I tell you!!! and the whole area went into crazed mode. Streets and interstates were so slick and no one could move. I drove over I-270 on my way into the office and cars were parked. People standing outside their cars, looking and talking... and this was at 10 a.m.

People around here just can't drive in the snow. Even in a dusting of snow. Living in the Mid-Atlantic frequently makes me long for a zip code somewhere else...

But the beauty of the snow in our back yard is something. I just stopped and had moment of worship. The nice thing about the snow is that my flower beds look so... tended. Perhaps it is because all of the weeds and dead foliage are covered up with a soft blanket of white.

It got me to thinking... it is kinda like God's grace. It covers all of our imperfections and shows that glimmer of heaven.


Thanks, God. I needed the reminder... as I wait...

Deb

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Now playing: Celtic Woman - Don Oíche Úd I MBeithil (That Night In Bethlehem)
via FoxyTunes

Waiting for the dawn...

I wait for you more eagerly than a soldier on guard duty waits for the dawn. Yes, I wait more eagerly than a soldier on guard duty waits for the dawn. [Psalm 130:6]

Reedy Girl hoped against hope for a snow day today. Her custom is to put out this "report card" on whether or not school is delayed or canceled. Whoever is up first and hears the news circles the appropriate answer.

Sadly for her, today was a "no" - a regular school day began and the buses were running on time.

I don't know how well she sleeps waiting for this news. I remember being excited about the prospect of snow, and longing for that all-important announcement. (And that's when I was a teacher!)

So often it seems we "hope against hope" for others (or other things) to change. And we wait... sometimes for a "no, not yet."

Still waitin'...
Deb

Waiting on the World to change...

From Christine at Abbey of the Arts:

“This season beckons me to ask, what am I preparing for? What is the way that is being prepared within the wilderness of my life? What does it mean for my own life to become a path, a way of welcome for the Holy One? How do I give myself time to notice the ways that the path unfolds before me and within me? What are the acts of preparation that bring delight to my daily life? Whom do I ask or allow to help me prepare?”

-Jan Richardon, Night Visions: Searching the Shadows of Advent and Christmas

As most of you who read here regularly know, I love questions. They are so much more interesting to me than answers and more honest too. The poet Rilke invited us to “live the questions” which for me means living into a spirituality that respects and honors mystery.

Advent is my favorite liturgical season, in part because it parallels my favorite natural season of winter, especially this next month as we descend further and further into the darkness. Advent invites us deeper into womb-space, asks us to trust that the darkness holds wisdom and beauty we cannot yet understand, it demands that we become familiar with the landscape of waiting.

============

Deb here:

Christine's thoughts (above) sparked a response in my heart. You see, I had kind of written off doing anything for "Advent" this year. It is such a church-y, natty little thing. I don't think God cares about the particulars, just that we notice and remember WHO this is all about. And it's not about liturgy. Or candles. Or "Adornaments" (gag-me-very-much). Or what a "proper" creche should look like, when it should be set up, etc etc etc.

You think I am kidding, but people take this human-side of the equation uber-seriously. Are the colors of the candles all blue, purple and pink or white? (There are people who care very deeply about this and it gets me crazed.)

So, I am totally intrigued with this idea, and as I am ALMOST done with the semester, I think I will actively pursue thinking and blogging on this idea of the "waiting" in Advent.

I think that the song that comes to mind for me, one that is most "Advent-tacious" (no it is not a word, I made it up) is the song by John Mayer: "Waitin' on the World to Change." Because the answer is not in the world changing, it's in the World Changer. And here's the song for your listening pleasure as I cogitate how I am going to pursue this challenge... camera in hand...




Keep on waitin'...
Deb