Dusty Window...

St. Hilarie, Poitiers, France

In 2007 I was on a mission team to Poitiers, France. We went and assisted a small evangelical church there with outreach projects like a coffeehouse and an American "Thanksgiving Dinner." I often reflect on the people I attempted to talk to in my "Frenchlish" and how much I learned -- mostly, that I can't do much without God enabling me.

I took this shot through the windows of St. Hilarie as the sun was setting. The building was empty, cold and silent. While the physical structure was maintained, the visible Church was not there. I can be like that Church - not connected to the vibrant, dynamic life of God at work in the world. I don't want to live there.

It's not that God is not active and alive in my life - far from the case! It's the ways that I am still a dusty window - the Light struggles through, but who I am gets in the way. In my classes this week we are reading about Pentecost (seasonally appropriate!) and working with the ways that God shines through the Church and each of us as individuals... most of the time in spite of us.

I'm reading a devotional book right now called Women in Leadership - a pithy, short, thought-provoking collection of daily scriptures and meditations. Today's devo was on Job 2, where Job is given ample opportunity to complain, (or as his wife said, "curse God and die!") But Job made a God-honoring choice and as the story goes, he "did not sin in what he said." (Job 2:10)

I can't claim that same skill. So I either need duct tape or "a holy Dose of shut-up" when I am provoked the next time and want to shoot off my mouth. Perhaps my struggle is just that constant reminder of needing renewal, constantly, daily, continually...

This song came up on my iPod mix as I was studying this evening, and it seemed appropriate... so I'll stop here.

Deb

Why am I such a dusty window
For your light to shine through?
Why am I just a tiny star
In a sky already blue?
Why do I offer everything
With my heart closed like a fist?
I want to love You better than this

Why do I live like I'm in chains
When You have set me free?
And why do I have to break Your heart
Before I fall to my knees?
I know it's time to pray for change
Give all I have to give
I want to love You better than this

So renew me, Remake me
Undo me, Unbreak me
Come into the empty spaces Of my broken places
And consume me, Complete me
Pursue me, Redeem me
Let Your Holy Spirit living through me
Renew me

I need Your power to renew me, Lord, yeah
I need to know You're moving through me, Lord

I need You as my refuge
My first and last resort
Be the river always running
Through my deepest thoughts
Keep me in Your arms
'Cause even when I drift
I want to love You better than this

My life bending to Your will
Seeking You until I'm more and more like You

So renew me, Remake me
Undo me, Unbreak me
Come into the empty spaces of my broken places
And consume me, Complete me
Pursue me, Redeem me
Let Your Holy Spirit living through me

Renew me