Attempting to reframe the question...

I spent the first couple years of seminary trying to get the answers to my questions... now as I am finishing, I think it is more appropriate to reframe the question...

However, I'm still cogitating on how to explain that!  More later...

Looking things squarely in the face...

This just kind of speaks to my heart tonight...

thank you, God...

NOTE: I took out the embedded video.
(The vocalist's mannerisms were bugging me... but I still like the song!)
You can watch the video here...

"The Prayer"

I pray you'll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don't know
Let this be our prayer
As we go our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
To a place where we'll be safe

I pray we'll find your light
And hold it in our hearts
When stars go out each night
Remind us where you are
Let this be our prayer
When shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

We ask that life be kind
And watch us from above
We hope each soul will find
Another soul to love

Let this be our prayer
Just like every child
Needs to find a place
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

Need to find a place
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

Now Thank We All Our God

This was on my mind as I prayed for a very ill family member this morning...

Now Thank We All Our God

Now thank we all our God, with heart and hands and voices,
Who wondrous things has done, in Whom this world rejoices;
Who from our mothers’ arms has blessed us on our way
With countless gifts of love, and still is ours today.

O may this bounteous God through all our life be near us,
With ever joyful hearts and blessèd peace to cheer us;
And keep us in His grace, and guide us when perplexed;
And free us from all ills, in this world and the next!

All praise and thanks to God the Father now be given;
The Son and Him Who reigns with Them in highest Heaven;
The one eternal God, whom earth and Heaven adore;
For thus it was, is now, and shall be evermore.

According to the Oremus Hymnal:

Words: Mar­tin Rink­art, cir­ca 1636 (Nun dank­et al­le Gott); first ap­peared in Prax­is Pi­e­ta­tis Mel­i­ca, by Jo­hann Crü­ger (Ber­lin, Ger­ma­ny: 1647); trans­lat­ed from Ger­man to Eng­lish by Ca­ther­ine Wink­worth, 1856.

Music: Nun Dank­et, at­trib­ut­ed to Jo­hann Crü­ger, 1647; har­mo­ny by Fe­lix Men­dels­sohn, 1840 (MI­DI, score). Though the tune is found Crü­ger’s Prax­is Pi­e­ta­tis Mel­i­ca, and is at­trib­ut­ed to Crü­ger, Ca­ther­ine Wink­worth be­lieved Mar­tin Rink­art wrote the tune in 1644.

Dusty Window...

St. Hilarie, Poitiers, France

In 2007 I was on a mission team to Poitiers, France. We went and assisted a small evangelical church there with outreach projects like a coffeehouse and an American "Thanksgiving Dinner." I often reflect on the people I attempted to talk to in my "Frenchlish" and how much I learned -- mostly, that I can't do much without God enabling me.

I took this shot through the windows of St. Hilarie as the sun was setting. The building was empty, cold and silent. While the physical structure was maintained, the visible Church was not there. I can be like that Church - not connected to the vibrant, dynamic life of God at work in the world. I don't want to live there.

It's not that God is not active and alive in my life - far from the case! It's the ways that I am still a dusty window - the Light struggles through, but who I am gets in the way. In my classes this week we are reading about Pentecost (seasonally appropriate!) and working with the ways that God shines through the Church and each of us as individuals... most of the time in spite of us.

I'm reading a devotional book right now called Women in Leadership - a pithy, short, thought-provoking collection of daily scriptures and meditations. Today's devo was on Job 2, where Job is given ample opportunity to complain, (or as his wife said, "curse God and die!") But Job made a God-honoring choice and as the story goes, he "did not sin in what he said." (Job 2:10)

I can't claim that same skill. So I either need duct tape or "a holy Dose of shut-up" when I am provoked the next time and want to shoot off my mouth. Perhaps my struggle is just that constant reminder of needing renewal, constantly, daily, continually...

This song came up on my iPod mix as I was studying this evening, and it seemed appropriate... so I'll stop here.

Deb

Why am I such a dusty window
For your light to shine through?
Why am I just a tiny star
In a sky already blue?
Why do I offer everything
With my heart closed like a fist?
I want to love You better than this

Why do I live like I'm in chains
When You have set me free?
And why do I have to break Your heart
Before I fall to my knees?
I know it's time to pray for change
Give all I have to give
I want to love You better than this

So renew me, Remake me
Undo me, Unbreak me
Come into the empty spaces Of my broken places
And consume me, Complete me
Pursue me, Redeem me
Let Your Holy Spirit living through me
Renew me

I need Your power to renew me, Lord, yeah
I need to know You're moving through me, Lord

I need You as my refuge
My first and last resort
Be the river always running
Through my deepest thoughts
Keep me in Your arms
'Cause even when I drift
I want to love You better than this

My life bending to Your will
Seeking You until I'm more and more like You

So renew me, Remake me
Undo me, Unbreak me
Come into the empty spaces of my broken places
And consume me, Complete me
Pursue me, Redeem me
Let Your Holy Spirit living through me

Renew me

Just thinking...

I am not skilled to understand
what God has willed what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
is One who is my Savior...

Trying to trust...
Trying to rest...
Trying to listen...

OH GOD! I am TIRED of not knowing!
Sitting in Your waiting room... is hard.
Really hard.
I would be some kinda Pharisee if I didn't admit that...

Deb