40 AND pregnant

I read "Dana L's" article in the Sunday Washington Post. [What Happens When There Is No Plan B? By Dana L., Sunday, June 4, 2006; Page B1]

I could understand her frustration, but not her reasoning, nor her actions (summary follows)

1. unprotected sex (she "forgot" to insert her diaphragm) with her husband led to...
   
2. trying to get a script for "Plan B" abortificaent which her OB-GYN, her internist or her midwife was not possible...
   
3. she opted to hope for being ‘lucky’ and did nothing and…
   
4. she discovered 2 weeks later she was indeed pregnant and...
   
5. subsequently had an abortion because she had "no choice".

I do understand her frustrations... One of the more annoying things for women is when their healthcare providers do not listen to them, or do not give the healthcare we need when we finally do ask for it. Prescriptions, treatments and options are described in terms of side effects, not necessarily benefits. We endure uncomfortable screenings for cancer while men go get just a blood test. We are asked to describe labor in terms of numbers or to figure out breastfeeding problems via phone with a consultant. We put off appointments because there aren’t any available in the 2 hour window we have on Thursdays… and then we never go at all. We take care of everyone else's health needs in the family and neglect our own, then get a lecture when we finally DO go to the doctor. OK, so I understand her frustration at not being able to get in to a health care provider to get what she wanted in a timely manner.

But at that point, her argument breaks down...

She claimed it was George Bush's fault that she got pregnant. It is probably TMI to find out if he was in the room, clutching her diaphragm case against his chest and yelling, "NO NO NO!!" It was HER fault. She "forgot". Unless the government really IS using brain waves and she forgot to wear her aluminum beanie, I don't think anyone "made" her forget. She admits she made a mistake, but blames the consequences on the government. This is someone trained in analysis and argumentation?

She was angry that her OB would not write the script for her and would not tell her where she could get one. Thankfully, physicians still have the option to decline to prescribe medications that they find morally repulsive.

She said that it was not available "anywhere" and forgot in her panic about Planned Parenthood. Puh-lease. I worry about her clients if, in the stress of a moment, she can not remember a widely known resource.

She claimed it is just too risky to be pregnant and over 35. Huh. I had two healthy babies at ages 35 and 40, and they are now 15 and almost 11. The odds were in my favor to have healthy babies. In fact, if you knew the odds were that high to win the lottery, you'd empty your bank account getting scratch-off tickets...

She stated later that private reasons (medical and personal) affected her decision to abort, among them a Category X cholesterol-lowering drug that is not safe for pregnant women. She was afraid of having a child with birth defects. Her doctor did not counsel her on having back-up birth control. Don't blame government agencies for your lack of communication with your doctor! And, speaking for friends and family who have children with “special needs”, they are blessed (BLESSED!) by those children. Yes, it is a hard life, one with heartache and the occasional bout of “emotional upheaval”. But they would not change out their children any day.

She claimed that it would affect their lifestyle and they had decided they did not want any more children. She claimed that she did not want to neglect her children who are in elementary school because they already get little enough time with them. Yet they had not chosen a permanent (surgical) birth control. She said that if she had to carry an unplanned pregnancy to term that it would cause "emotional upheavals". She stated that her work responsibilities and having to meet the school bus meant that she could not take time off work to find another medical solution. At the least, she is showing poor planning. At worst, she is being selfish.

She claimed that in case of rape, Plan B is not available when needed. On the contrary, it IS available in ERs for women who report rapes and are checked in the ER. The "rape excuse" is a poor one.

I suppose that part of her reasoning was that she didn't want to be the oldest mom in her baby's kindergarten class. Believe me, it's a badge of honor. (And you won't be the oldest one, in all likelihood!) She said that she didn't want to miss having fun with her husband. Yes, by the time our younger daughter graduates from high school I'll be pushing 60. By the time she finishes college I'll be close to needing my Medicare card. (or not, if they advance the age again!) I am in good health; my kids keep me young and outwardly focused, instead of thinking about M-E.

I’d write and tell her all these things, but in the on-line discussion, she neatly turned all discussion to the fact that she couldn’t get a prescription for a drug when she wanted it… and that was the problem. NOT her choices. NOT her lack of planning. NOT her ability to handle financially, emotionally and physically an unplanned pregnancy.

I’m not disturbed by her eventual choice (abortion) as much as I am the fact that everything that ‘caused’ the pregnancy was, in her mind, not her fault… And perhaps that is what has caused me to write this long diatribe in the first place.

I make plenty of mistakes. But, when I do, I own the results. And that is my goal as a parent…

From our home to yours…
Deb