Sunday, January 28, 2007

Another Sunday night...

O God,
You are my God
And I will ever praise You.
And I will seek you in the morning,
And I will learn to walk in Your ways,
And step by step You'll lead me,
And I will follow you all of my days...
[Rich Mullins]

A busy day ends - one of worship and praise and hugs and family and a few random chores thrown in. Now, the kids, spouse and cats are all snoozing, and here I sit, typing, struggling to express some random theological thought for an assignment on the book of Isaiah.

I'm close to losing it.

There's so much I don't know.

But these few things I do:

I am meant to be in this position of "student"

I am called to serve as a "pastor"
I am learning what it means to serve God and be pulled between friends and home and school and church and society and...

And God is sufficient.

This afternoon,
I sat with my head on my hands, ready to weep with frustration over some theological minutia in Isaiah that was escaping me.

In a moment of radical thought,
I prayed,
"Lord I don't get this at all!"

Like a blaze of light His heart responds,

"I know you don't. Press on."

The assignment needs lots of editing tomorrow.
My premise and support may be lacking, but I know this:
I am loved.
I am redeemed.
I have Something worth giving to others... and it's not ME!
The God of the Bible,
The Logos,
cares much less about my paper,

and more about my heart.

I can grow with that...
From my heart to yours...



Sally said...

Oh I can so relate to that- my last paper was like pulling teeth- but God is in control, and we are in her/ his hands!

Stresspenguin said...

I needed to read that. I'm back in the seminary saddle as of last Thursday, and I'm still a bit nervous about it after a rough first semester. Thanks for writing.

Cathy said...

Amen sister.

You are growing... beautifully growing. Praying for you!

QuakerPastor said...

Nothing soothes like Rich Mullins!
He was raised a Quaker in Indiana...I had the glorious gift of having coffee with he and Mitch McVicker after one of their concerts. One of Rich's good friends is a good friend of mine also. He continues to inspire and comfort and give words to the unspeakable. Your entry reminds me of his song "Creed" which includes the line "I did not make IT, no IT is making me." Peace out