Lay it all down

What is holding you back?

That question, asked by one of my classmates today, caught me off guard. Today I did my student sermon in class. I thought I was being demonstrative. Declarative. Proclamative. Apparently not.

My raised eyebrows must have been a question mark for the words I didn't say.

I know you - I know your passion. I didn't see as much of it as I wanted. You've got a fire. Let it show!

I have to ponder this one... because he was right. I was holding back. Why? I don't know.

Certainly stage fright is a part of it. Certainly the time constraint and the design requirements were as well. And certainly the power and drive I wanted to give my words did not come through.

I am frustrated and disappointed. It was my third time out (officially) in a "preaching" setting. The things I want to do for God, I dream of doing... the power of the Word He pours into me... weren't there.

I am feeling defeated and a bit deflated. Maybe this isn't for me, I thought. Maybe I am not hearing God on this one. Just as quickly back, deep in my soul, comes a response.

NO. You are a student. Learn. Revise. Refresh. Re-evaluate. Persevere. Listen. Absorb. Practice. Live it.

:deep breath:

OK, Lord... here we go again. I'll keep at it until you say "stop"...

I really do want to burn it all up. Lay it all down. Hold nothing back.

Help me, Lord.

Deb