Reflecting on the last weeks

These last two weeks have been a whirlwind...

I had back-to-back modulars, one on worship leading and one on spiritual formation. The time away from home was hard because I missed my family. BUT... the time spent with God was encouraging and rejuvenating. I'm still a bit scattered on exactly what I am learning and processing. A few things are clearer...

I am uniquely gifted in leadership and that means I must not compromise in terms of a ministry assignment.  As I talked and prayed with others, it became clear that I have come to a watershed moment. I have faced some prejudice. I have made mistakes. But I have also learned that some of the problems I have had were because I "settled" for something that was not a good ministry "fit" for my gift set.

I am reminding myself, again and again, that I am beloved and cared for by my Savior God. It is nothing I do -- it is everything God is and the relationship I have. For someone who gets a wee bit driven, this takes off the perfectionist lens and puts things in perspective. I do nothing to earn God's love. It is everything God IS that forms the love relationship between us.

Time is fleeting. The seasons are changing. Our girls are growing. Life based on circumstances is futile. Life based on God is eternal.

Transitions suck. There's no predictability. There's no clear path. All I know is that God is in the mix. And I truly can rest in that.

Here's a few photos from the last few days...  I think they shout of God's Presence and love...

Let the field exult, and everything in it!
Then shall all the trees of the forest sing for joy
before the Lord, for he comes,
for he comes to judge the earth.
He will judge the world in righteousness,
and the peoples in his faithfulness.

 Psalm 96:12-13

 

Looking out towards the lake at the 4-H Wakefield center.

 

A little surprise snow shower frosted the ground.

 

The slow melt of snow with water droplets on the berries... so pretty!

The water in the swamp freezes in fern-like patterns. I have never seen that before!

 

I heard God say, "Come sit with Me awhile!"

 So I did...

The tent is flapping...

I've started so many posts in the last two weeks, most of which are now obsolete. There's lots to write about, but somehow the time crunch in getting ready to leave for modular week, and then being consumed by my class, meant that I didn't get anything written. At least, not on this blog.

There has been one image in my mind and it was confirmed during a prayer time in class this afternoon. I'm getting ready to move. Not in the physical sense, but in the ministry sense.

For the last several months I have been in a state of "ministry limbo" and was unsure of where I would "land" once seminary ended. What I had thought would be my place for serving in the Church was being changed. It was as though God has been telling me to start packing up my tent and to be prepared to move at the right time.

I confess that I have been resisting. I kinda liked the view. The folks at the neighboring campsites are pretty wonderful! There were things going on around me that were fun and exciting. Yet circumstance after circumstance, God was slowly and completely moving me from a place of being "settled' and comfortable into a place of impending change.


The mental image I have is that I am a tent, and God is systematically removing tent stakes, one after the other. Right now all that's left are the tent poles as one last stake came out of the earth. Soon the camp site where I have been comfortable, and where some wonderful things have happened, will be struck. And then I will be blown where the fresh wind of the Spirit sends me. I just don't know where that is.

So now I'm being transformed into a kite, I guess, held up by winds of God's choosing. There's other people joining me wheeling around in the Spirit. We look at one another and are amazed. What God can do with a freed-up life is pretty electrifying!

It is a wee bit terrifying and exciting, all at the same time. And I wouldn't have it any other way...

The prof for our modular class, David M. Edwards, shared a song with us that has helped me to rest in this waiting time... Here's a few lines from Make Your Home in Me...

I am poor and needy there’s no breath left in me.
Oh, I ask You, Holy Spirit, come fill my emptiness.
Blow away anything that stands in Your way...
...Make Your home in me...

© 2001 New Spring Publishing (ASCAP) / Nail Prince Music (ASCAP)

Admin. by Brentwood-Benson Music Publishing, Inc.  All Rights Reserved.

Calling

I believe in all that has never yet been spoken.
I want to free what waits within me
so that what no one has dared to wish for
may for once spring clear
without my contriving.

If this is arrogant, God, forgive me,
but this is what I need to say.

May what I do flow from me like a river,
no forcing and no holding back,
the way it is with children.

Then in these swelling and ebbing currents,
these deepening tides moving out, returning,
I will sing you as no one ever has,
streaming through widening channels
into the open sea.

Rainer Maria Rilke
Rilke's Book of Hours

Mary Daly

A Church for Starving Artists wrote a blog post on the passing of Mary Daly here... For some reason I had missed that news.

Like many of you, Mary Daly was the first feminist Christian writer I ever read (though I am sure there are some who will dispute whether or not she was a "Christian" and to them I say, "get over it!")

She brought a stunning ray of light into a dank, dusty way of doing theology. She challenged old hermeneutics and allowed many women, myself included, to see a clearer picture of Christ beyond the earthly depiction in the Gospels. She also tackled some pretty sacred ivory towers... things I am gutless to deal with at this stage of my life.

Rest in peace, Mary. And thanks...

This is my post today...

All that's left for this semester...

- Greek translation and quiz - 11/21
- 15 page paper on Dinah - 11/22
- sermon taping - 11/27
- Greek translation and quiz - 11/28
- Book reports - 4 preaching books - 12/5
- exegetical outline - 12/6
- Greek final - 12/11
- Old Testament final (Pentateuch and historical books) - 12/11

I'm tired... but moving forward by grace alone...

There is a River

Worshipping as I study - this song came on my playlist...

There is a river that washes you clean
There is a tree that marks the places you've been
Blood that was spilled, although not your own
For all of those tears, love will atone

So, give up the right
To control the waves that empty out your life
Above wild skies
Are the rays that break the shadows we design

Blessed, slightly stressed, clinging to God's promises...

Why I am struggling with church history...

According to my professor, "99% of the questions you receive from parishioners and others while in ministry are essay or short answer."

OK, I'll grant you that. But I do not (somehow) think they will want to know the answers to questions like this:

"Trace out the New English theology and the way in which it challenged the reigning consensus of Aquinas and Bonaventure."
OR
"Discuss the context for and theology behind the Augsburg Confession."
OR
(my personal favorite for irrelevance)
"Discuss in detail the Council of Trent."

I suppose if I worked hard enough I could find someone for whom these are day-to-day, "how do I deal with situation X" answers... At the moment, I am doubtful. And yes, I am rebelling.

Add to my frustration that he does not cover these topics in his lectures in any semblance of an organized fashion, and I have to root out the answers from thousands of pages of reading... I feel as though I am preparing for PhD orals or something.

OK, whiny rant over. Back to Cromwell.

Deb

PARrrTAAAYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FYI... this is not my cat... I don't have a death wish.

Hallelujah. The semester is done.

It really is great to be getting closer to the end of my studies. I figured out that I am 10 classes away from graduation. That includes 2 this summer, both of which will have major research papers. (I'll try to contain my excitement.) I should start working on them early in the semester, but somehow if I start too far ahead, the papers don't have the cohesion and focus, and they ramble.

I realized that I didn't know what it was like to have a normally paced life, where I wasn't up early, studying late. I do have plans to change the pace of my life... and it will happen one of these days. The week in between semesters, I can do so much stuff! I can hang out and not feel guilty, just sit and (gasp) watch TV. Maybe even do nothing.

I think I'll shoot for that...

Deb

When will you make an end???

The Agony and the Ecstasy (1961)

Rex Harrison's Pope Julius II bellowed "When will you make an end?"
Charlton Heston's Michelangelo yelled back, "When I am finished!"

That's kind of how I feel...

Soooo Close...

I AM SO SOOOOoooooo CLOSE to wrapping up another semester!!!!!

Here is all that's left:

• Finish and proof Systematics paper
• Write 500 word essay on my spiritual formation from Systematics (I am guess he does not want us to write about learning patience or perseverence...)

And then... I get a week off!!! Well, sort of.

I'm going to do fun stuff, like go to the dentist. Maybe garden a little. And read a book that has NOTHING TO DO with theology. At least, not directly.

That light at the end of tunnel??? I am certain now it isn't an oncoming train!
WOOT!

Rounding the final turn...

OK, OK, vacation's over. I did get a lot done! I read a couple hundred pages of books and articles for paper #2 and finished 2 exegetical papers.

What's left on the DO-List?

2 research papers, 10-12 pages EACH (WOOT! I had the page requirements wrong, shorter than I first believed!)
0 exegetical outlines from one of the Gospels
0 systematic theology essays
0 books on pastoral theology (book reports)
2 reflective essays
0 sacramental doctrine essay
1 group project (forgot this on my original list... probably because I HATE working on group projects. HATE them.)

Everything's due in the next few weeks... And then, a few days to work in my flowerbeds and be a real person until the next semester starts.

What I can't figure out, though, are the people who keep telling me that I will "miss" this...

Really? REALLY? I'm... speechless...

Deb

Under the pile...

OK Sports fans... I want to watch March Madness. I want to prep my flowerbeds for spring. I want to spend more time in any room but my study.

But it's crunch time for school and that ain't gonna happen!

I'll check in with you later... I'm making headway on my GET 'ER DONE list, but Facebook and Blogger are distracting me.

SO - - when the dust settles and I feel like I'm not so behind, I'll blog a little. Or when I'm so frustrated and need to vent, I'll blog a little. Or when procrastination is more interesting than Turabian, I'll blog a little. (Scratch that last one!!!)

Peace out-
Deb

Productivity...

Cranked it out yesterday...

I'm down to...
3 research papers, 15-20 pages EACH
5 exegetical outlines from one of the Gospels
2 systematic theology essays
2 books on pastoral theology (book reports)
3 reflective essays
0 sacramental doctrine essay

YUP! It's CRUNCH time!
Here's today's plan...
- outline and select final sources for 1st research paper due on April 4th
- finish systematic theology essays (piece of cake - 500 words each)
- skim pastoral theology book and write book report
- prep for senior pit orchs coming here at 3
- chauffeur orchs people to school
- work concessions at Beauty and the Beast

Somewhere in there is lunch... and eventually there is sleep!!