Monday, February 23, 2009

The deeper streams of life...

I have been trying to articulate this passion, this dream that I have. I hesitate to put it into words. I fear being misunderstood.

...will the people I work with now be insulted?
...will I misrepresent this nagging heartache that I believe is from God? I overestimate my gifts and skills?
...can I fulfill whatever it is that
God has in store for me?

I've written around the subject, hinted at it and even occasionally stumbled into some semblance of an opinion. The picture is still foggy, but the vision from God is there. Deep within me there is a longing for the "deep streams of faith." (I have no other words to describe it.) It's more than a program. It's "life together" with family that spans generations and experiences... and I want to be a part of that, lead it, pastor it, see God do it.

In moments of doing tedious work and bean-counting, it seems like I'm chasing rainbows.

Every month I get together with three other women pastors. We laugh, cry, challenge, commiserate, and share our hearts. They are precious gifts of God! Today at lunch they gave me another glimpse of that which is "within" -- what I don't yet know but sense is ahead. The reminders to believe, to look, to pray, to wait with joy. That I can do. Every now and then I "get a whiff" and it blows me away.

It's deeper, sweeter, stronger and fuller than I can know, ask or think.

In God's time... it will be.

I believe... Lord, get me ready.


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