Tuesday, May 22, 2007


I have been having a sit-down, face-to-face session this afternoon with God. It has not been fun. In fact, I am a mix of a little mad, a little sad and very confused. I'm disappointed about some events that, at the moment, I can't change. He knows I've tried.

Now it's just tears. Grumbling. Trying to believe and listen. And being honest emotionally with God about it all.

And, I figure, if you read this blog at all, I should be honest with you. Because right now, I'm not some smiling Jesus lover. I'm hurt and mad... and trying to keep my head up while I wait on God for HIS timing and HIS direction.

It sucketh mightily...

This song by Phil Keaggy came to mind. So... you get a photo essay of my heart condition.

Real. Honest. Raw. But still one of faith.

That's life...


DISAPPOINTMENT (from "Love Broke Thru")

Disappointment - His appointment,
Change one letter, then I see
That the thwarting of my purpose
Is God's better choice for me.

His appointment must be blessing
Though it may come in disguise
For the end from the beginning,
Open to His wisdom lies.

Disappointment - His appointment
Whose? The Lord's who loves best.
Understands and knows me fully,
Who my faith and love would test.

For like loving, earthy parent
He rejoices when He knows
That His child accepts unquestioned
All that from His wisdom flows.

Disappointment - His appointment
No good thing will He withhold
From denials oft we gather
Treasures from His love untold.

Well, He knows each broken purpose
Leads to fuller deeper trust
And the end of all His dealings
Proves our God is wise and just.

Disappointment - His appointment
Lord I take it then as such,
Like the clay in hands of potter
Yielding wholly to Thy touch

All my life's plan is Thy molding
Not one single choice be mine
Let me answer unrepining,
Father, not my will but Thine.

lyrics: an original poem by Edith Lillian Young
music: Phil Keaggy


mompriest said...

Yes. Those heart to hearts with God. I'm there a lot these days. Sigh.

Mandy said...

Funny - I've been having some intense conversations with God myself these days. Not sure what the outcome will be, but my stress level is through the roof at present!

Perhaps this is God telling me, yet *again* that I CAN'T control things. But WOW, I thought I'd learned that lesson already!

Sally said...


zorra said...

I love that album. Great song.
Praying for comfort and for patience for you in this situation.

Sarah said...

Wow...I have no idea how you feel at all. Oh wait. Sorry I've been a bit absent lately...a bit selfish. I hope things are better now...or at least there is some peace in what you are going through. Another one of my "mad at God" favorites is Hold Me Jesus by Rich Mullins. It makes me cry.
"You have been my King of Glory, won't You be my Prince of Peace?"