Undo...

UNDO!! UNDO!!!

Do-overs.
Mulligans.
Reboot.
Retry.
Correct.
Amend.
Fix.
Improve.
Clean up.
Try again.
De-bug.

We ask for them in golf matches.
We beg the umpire for a review.
We fix documents.
We persuade our computers to work. (maybe!)

We need UNDOs in life.
And more than once when I've realized I've let someone down or watched as someone is hurt... I've wished that we could just erase memories and conversations with an "undo" button, or something.

As part of the reflection process in my coursework, I'm asked to consider what I've succeeded at doing, where I need help, and where I need to make more minor, mid-course corrections.

So many UNDOs, so little time...

I know that there's really two steps to this process for me.

The first is that I be willing to try again.
For me, that's huge. If I'm hurt, or have been wounded by someone, I have trouble trusting it will turn out OK. Ever. But to gather courage in hand and try again, (and again and again and again... times seventy!) is all God asks.

The second is to forgive.
Forgive without expecting the other person will change, setting aside pride and anger and hurt to forgive the other person. That's harder. Because I personally want blame assigned or accepted. Or I want to, as they say, "chew 'em a new one."

Instead, God asks that I forgive and wisely choose my next course of action. It's not that I would automatically choose that same course of action, or the same relationships, or even the same job... but to leave things hanging out there, bleeding and oozing pain??? Or to stuff my disappointments, hide them, and not admit it hurts??? No, that's not what God asks.

Please note.... FORGIVENESS does not equal STUPID.
I can take steps of healing or steps of wounding. And as far as God helps me, I'd like it to be the former.

If I hang on to my anger, I become sarcastic. Or bitter. I retreat and I don't invest emotionally, because, who wants to hurt again? As an extrovert and a "feeling" person, sometimes I feel overexposed and vulnerable. I need to step back, assess, and own my part of the problem (which is always bigger than it first seemed! Funny how that works....) and not retreat. I need the opportunity to have a big "UNDO" in my life, in my heart, in my relationships.

Time and time again, God has been patient, faithful and accepting towards me. Not because I deserve it, but because I have a love relationship with God that is not based on performance, but on a God-sized sacrifice.

I just stumbled on to the band Rush of Fools and this song in particular has been running through my mind... it's called --- "UNDO"

Hear their message of honest confession and healing... It's yours, mine, ours for the taking.

Peace-
Deb

UNDO by Rush of Fools