Sunday, September 14, 2008


Over the last few months, I've had some struggles. To be honest, it's been a slightly rough patch. I have a feeling it's not quite over, but I was pondering some places where God has spoken to me this weekend. It shouldn't be a surprise, but some how it is. For you see, I have been praying sporadically, specifically, honestly...

I love You.
I want to do more for You.
Not because I think it will make You love me more, but because I want to talk more about You, live more like You, be more fully Yours.

I don't understand the roadblocks to getting regular and supportive mentoring in preaching and teaching... but You do.

I wonder at the catty remarks... and the criticism...
I want to SMACK SOMETHING at the sexist comments.

I wonder if it's my fault.
I examine what I've done and pick apart my actions...
What can I do better?
Do I set myself up by my attitudes?
Is it my pride?
Are my insecurities getting in the way?

Jesus, where are You not shining through??
Purify me.
Change me.
Confirm Your direction.

Yet... as I pray...
I know my priorities are right.
I know what You have Called me to do, what the tug is on my heart.

Keep that vision, that promise, that joy in front of me.
Throw reminders in my everyday walk so that I hear Your "go! go! go! girl!"
Shove me back on course when I let my feelings or my doubts pull me off track.
I love You.

SO... this weekend, God "threw some reminders" into my lap...

...a phone call. email.
...a Twitter comment.
...a blog.
...understanding and love from my husband and kids.
...a friend's encouragement.
...a conversation.

Time after time - words I needed, promises from Scripture... Little sprigs of joy shoving through the pebbles of doubt in my heart.

God... talking to me? Yes! to ME!

I love you.

1 comment: